The Arrangement
by Valeria Dylan
Summary: Forced Marriage? How could a couple with a unbearable number of problems ever be happy? From Physical Abuse, infidelity, deeprooted family problems, attempted rape and mutual hatred, they've seen it all...can they survive? warning  Graphic Intimacy
1. Chapter 1

The Arrangement

_**Chapter 1 **_

"Get up!" yelled the woman angrily. A young girl stirred and looked around with tired eyes and tousled hair. She narrowed her eyes as she saw the bustling woman fixing things around the room. Why now…. it had been such a good night's sleep…why her…

"What time is it mother?" she asked coldly, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Time for you to get out of that bed," she snapped and came to wrench the covers off the tired girl again. The girl shrugged her off the got out of bed with an angry huff, "It is nearly eight in the morning."

"What's the occasion mother?" she asked nastily, "some of your dear friends coming?"

"No," she said callously, "but I daresay you might like to get ready soon. There are very important people coming home to talk to you."

"Me?" she asked surprised, "what do they want with me?"

"Well, if you want to know," she said irritably. "Get up and get dressed. And wear something nice, you want to look nice for them. I don't want you embarrassing us."

"But what do they want with me?" she asked, shocked.

"I cant tell you, they told me not to. Just get up and look like a normal human being for once. They will judge you so look good."

"Just go," said the girl, "I'll be down there in a few minutes."

"And hurry up," snapped the woman.

God, she thought, it was just as bad as she had imagined. She hated being back home during her vacations. She was probably one of the only kids who hated home and despised her parents even more. Her mother was an irritable nag and a horribly rude person. Her father, basically a nice guy, wasn't home most of the time to care about her much. She loved her father, but she hated him for letting her mother treat her the way she did. he didn't even know, and the worst is, he probably wouldn't care if he knew. He would probably be announcing his engagement to his work desk any day now, she thought viciously. She hated that woman, and he loved her. How could he? She was as foul as could get. But it was true, she had always hated her mother. She had, not for a day liked her. Everyone else loved their mommies, the ones who loved them, but her mother hated her and she hated her right back. She was an abomination.

I wish I were just back at Hogwarts, where there were real people who really liked me. She missed her friends, and she missed people who treated her like she was a person. She missed sitting with people who listened to what she said and cared about what she said. She was very popular in school and was generally liked by most. She missed her boyfriend. He had been so good to her. He knew the kind of house she came from, and he really got her through it. they had been together for one year and they were very close. They had off course been friends for years before that. This was her last semester in Hogwarts, and she may never see him again. But at least she could get out of this hellhole. She really missed him…

She got up and went into the bathroom, giving a dirty look to the spotlessly clean floors and the sparkling walls. Why did everything around that woman have to be so perfect? She looked in the mirror, damn I look like shit, she thought as she ran her hand through her hair. No wonder she hates me so much, because I'm not perfect like she is, or like she thinks she is. Her mother was attractive for her age, it was true. The woman was fifty and she looked like a thirty year old. Her father was attractive too. But unlike her, he actually had a heart, she thought angrily. Her mother had tortured her from the day she had learned to speak and she had rarely heard a kind word from her.

She got into the shower and turned on the hot water. She always liked it steaming hot, and sometimes when she was at home, she wished she would suffocate to death in it. It was depressing, she knew that, but sometimes being home really drove her wild and she really wished she could just curl up and die. What a shock she would get, thought the girl, when she finds my cold and sodden corpse in her perfect bathroom. She laughed a nasty laugh. I would give any thing to see that look on her face. Or maybe she would throw a party…

After ten minutes, she got out of the shower and ran the towel over herself and wiped herself dry. She put on some underwear and went to choose something "good" to wear, something her mother would approve of. So she slipped into a white, figure hugging dress, which puffed out at her waist and reached modestly till her knees. She knew her mother wouldn't approve of it because it revealed her shoulders because it had straps. She smiled to herself, because she loved nothing more than seeing her mother in a bad mood. Really, mother in a bad mood was like a thousand vampire bats gone wild.

She put on a pair of flat, white slippers and decided it was best to take off all her wristbands and her toe rings. Her mother would scream herself hoarse if she saw them on her. She had also conveniently forgotten to tell her about the tattoo she had on her thigh, the one she had wanted all her life. She new she would throw her out of the house if she told her. Her mother thought that people with tattoos were unconfident and painted their bodies because they hated themselves. This wasn't true in her case though, and her tattoo was fabulous. The girl let her long, black shiny hair fall untied. That was probably the only thing she liked about herself, her hair. It was very, very long and reached down much below her waist. It was not straight at all, in fact it was wavy but it looked shiny and absolutely wonderful. Mother hated it. She thought it made her look like a crow.

She put on her usual makeup. The type she wore everyday. She put prominent black kohl under her eyes and a little bit on top. It made her best feature, her charcoal eyes, stand out. She dabbed a modest amount of peach blush on and she was all ready to go within half an hour. She wondered what kind of fit her mother would throw now. why cant she just kill me in my sleep and be done with it, she thought angrily. Where is father anyway? Must be at work as usual, leaving me alone to rot with this witch.

She walked down the stairs to meet her mother in the living room. She stood at the door and cleared her throat, catching her attention. She looked at her appraisingly as she walked in. her eyes strayed to the shoulder's peeping through her dress and her makeup. But she looked satisfied otherwise.

"Yes, you look good," she said, with a relieved expression on her face.

"Who is coming mother?" she asked respectfully, trying not to anger her mother.

"Some very important people," she said unhelpfully, "Now I am warning you Tatiana."

Tatiana, did she mention how much she hated her name. What a great choice father, she thought bitterly. While the rest of the world got to be named names like Alice, Nicole, Kate, and other normal names, she had a freak name. Always the freak aren't I, she thought. Tatiana sounded like a call girl's name, she thought viciously. In reality, she knew it was a good name, but she had grown to hate everything about herself and her family over time. she wondered what led him to name her this, but all she knew was, she hated it and she hated the woman in front of her. Either way, she had to live with both. But she saw a lecture coming on, as her mother's eyes narrowed and her lips pursed.

"Yes mother," she said trying to control her burning temper.

"Listen carefully to me. I want you to be very, very respectful to these people. I will not tolerate any kind of nonsense from you and definitely not any of your back chatting. You will really regret it if you do anything I don't want you to. I don't care what you think of these people and how angry you are at what they say, but keep your mouth shut. I want you to act like a lady when they are here. You can go do what you want after that, but you must to do this or you will be in big trouble. Your father and I have worked very hard to secure your future for you and you will respect it."

"Right," she said tersely, "but I still don't know what they are coming for."

"They wish to tell you themselves," she said, resuming her cleaning.

"Do you need any help?" she asked, still making an effort to not disappoint mother.

"Go set the table and settle the chairs in the living room. Your father isn't coming, he has a lot of work to do," she sensed bitterness in her mother's voice, "and there are two people coming, so set four chairs. Don't damage anything Tatiana," she added with a dangerous note in her voice.

"All right," she said, keeping her voice even. I wonder who these people are, she thought. They must be important because mother seems to be going out of her way to impress them. Tatiana couldn't shake the feeling that something was up. She knew that inadvertently, if something had to go wrong, it would all be her fault. She knew that whatever these people wanted, it couldn't be good. If it made her mother happy, in any way, she knew it couldn't be good. Her mother's aim in life was to ruin her daughter. She knew that, because she felt it every day.

Then there came the unmistakable shriek from her mother, "Hurry up! They're here!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Tatiana angrily.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

Tatiana nearly dropped all the plates in her shock. They were here…whoever they were. She heard her mother's simpering voice, the one she put on whenever they had had guests, for the past seventeen years, she thought bitterly. She was so fake. No one knew the kind of trauma she put her daughter through. Even her father didn't know. Only her boyfriend knew and only he understood…

"Where is she?" came her mother's voice, "Tatiana dear, there are some wonderful people here who would love to meet you."

Tatiana gritted her teeth and came out of the dining room. She put on her best fake-smile and modest expression, the one her mother had been training her to do for years now. she stepped forward like a princess and gave a short lady-like bow.

She saw the people there to meet her. They were an extremely attractive couple, and didn't look very old. In fact, they looked a few years older than her. She would safely put them in their mid-twenties. The man was tall and extremely good looking, she thought, but he had a haughty expression on his face. The woman, was also very good looking and they actually looked perfect for each other. They were also both blonde and unnaturally pale.

"Oh," gasped the woman with a smile, "Look at how beautiful she is Lucius."

"Yes, I agree," said the man, also smiling now, "It is nice to meet you Tatiana. We are Mr. And Mrs. Malfoy, and I am Lucius and this is my wife Narcissa."

Tatiana came over to them and shook their hands politely and said, "It is an honor."

Her mother had been hovering around nervously while the couple met her daughter but now she could take it no longer. She quickly said, "Oh where are my manners, please join us in the living room for some tea and snacks."

She hissed at her daughter as she led the couple away, "Make tea and get whatever is kept on the kitchen counter. And don't break anything or I will skin you alive."

Tatiana ran into the kitchen and began making the tea and setting out all the snacks. Her mother had really gone out of her way, she realized. She had bought at least three different kinds of confectionary and had also stocked up on some exquisite sweets and chocolates. These people must be really important. She had liked their first impression. They seemed to be nice people. They were both very good looking, that was for sure.

After a few minutes, she went back into the living room carrying a large tray. She laid it gently on the center table and she heard her mother exhale, relieved, when she didn't drop anything. The couple seemed to be very impressed with her and asked her to sit with them.

"I must say Margaret," said the pretty blonde lady, "I have never seen such a pretty girl before, and such good manners too. My, you must be so proud of her."

Lucius nodded and said, "A real lady."

Tatiana blushed and turned away, but her mother took off, "Oh well, thank you so much," there was that simpering tone again, "we try our best. It is really a pleasure to have you here. I have been inviting you to come over for years and we never found the time. But this is nice. I have really been looking forward to this for so long."

"Oh yes," said Narcissa, "My husband is a busy man. He is working very hard, so we rarely find the time to go out and socialize. He really goes through a lot for this family. "

"Especially recently," said Lucius, "we have really been caught up with a load of work. But it was really wonderful to finally meet. You are off course our second cousin Margaret, am I right?"

"Yes," said her mother, "My late mother, Kathryn Roland, she died a few years ago before you were married, why she was your mother's cousin wasn't she?"

"I believe that is correct," said the man regally, "but we pureblood families are all interrelated, so it is not hard to find a connection somewhere."

"Not anymore," said her mother darkly, and Tatiana could sense what was coming next, "all this intermingling of blood is ruining us now. With all this riff raff coming in and destroying our pride and lineage, we have little to boast of."

"I absolutely agree," said Lucius and Narcissa nodded, "We old families have to suffer the most, and no one cares about it. we, who try and protect our ancestry, our treasures and our pride are always regarded as the outcastes. It is no crime to be proud of your heritage, and it is definitely one to discard your ancestors and what your families have worked for, for centuries. I am ashamed at some of our relatives, squandering our heritage and wealth."

"Our family," said her mother sadly, "we have had to suffer that for years now. We are one of the few remaining families, like yours, who can trace our ancestry back to Salazar Slytherin. And we have a collection of blood traitors who have ruined out family name."

Narcissa clicked her tongue sympathetically and Lucius said, "Oh we can say the exact same thing. We are directly related to the Blacks, you know, and they have borne two sons, and one is a shining star while the other, a blatant blood traitor. So we feel your pain Margaret, we know what it feels like to have our worth thrown down the drain."

"On a different note Lucius," said Narcissa suddenly, "don't you think it is time that we told dear Tatiana why we are here? She looks so surprised at our visit."

"Yes, I agree," said Lucius, "Its all your Narcissa," he looked at Tatiana's mother and said, "she is much better at these things than I am, I will not even try."

Narcissa smiled lovingly at her husband and said, "Tatiana dear, do you have any idea why have come to see you today?"

"I am sorry," said Tatiana nervously to the smiling woman, "I really don't know."

"I thought so," she said kindly, "how old are you dear?"

"I am sixteen. I will be seventeen in six months," replied Tatiana almost mechanically.

"Oh you are so young," said Narcissa with a surprised look, "but you will be of age soon. See Tatiana, you come from a very reputed family and a very, very respected parentage," she looked at Margaret fondly, "and that means that you are very important."

Before Tatiana had an opportunity to ask what this meant, Narcissa went on, "when I say important, I mean, that you have an important role to play in the wizarding world. You have the important task of carrying on the pure-blood heritage and of making us proud."

Tatiana didn't know what to say. She knew exactly what this was now –

"That also means, that you must be married into a distinguished pure-blood family, one where you get the respect you deserve. We are here today to give you that."

Lucius decided he should say something too and added, "you have been reared to be a perfect, pure-blood woman. There are men who would give anything to marry you, but we know better. We know that, for one, you should marry into the right family, which is much more important that the right man. Then, you should be trained to be a good pureblood wife, which only a good pureblood male can give you. So your parents and we have decided on a man for you to marry. We have been looking into your future for a very long time."

"But I am only sixteen," choked out Tatiana.

"Oh don't worry dear," said Narcissa kindly, "I was seventeen when I married Lucius, and you will also be of that age. It is better to marry young. Then after marriage, you are free to pursue whatever interests you have, with someone who loves you by your side."

Tatiana was in shock. But she remembered her mother's warning and said respectfully, "I am willing to do anything you want me to." The couple smiled, impressed and even her mother looked surprised. She could almost feel the tension relax in the room.

"Please may I know something?" she asked Narcissa.

Narcissa said, "Please do, and please," she smiled warmly and said, "call me Narcissa."

"Yes, Narcissa," she said nervously, "Please may I know who I will be marrying?"

"Oh off course," said Narcissa, "It will be a boy in your school. You may know him, I daresay he is quite popular. His name is Severus Snape."

Tatiana nearly choked on her own saliva. Not him…she had never even spoken to him. But she knew enough about him to know what kind of person was. He was exactly what her mother would have chosen for him. He was exactly what she had sworn never to marry…

It might have shown on her face because Lucius said, "Is everything all right Tatiana?"

"Yes," she said putting on her smile again, "I was just shocked for a second. This isn't what I was expecting," she gave her mother's laugh, "but I will do anything for the pride of this family and anything that will make my mother happy."

The room was silent. All three faces were looking at her with renewed awe and respect. Even her mother looked like she couldn't believe her eyes. She had never seen Tatiana cooperate like this before. It was a miracle before her eyes.

The Malfoys chatted for a while more and mother offered them lunch, but they decided to leave because Lucius had to go back to work. They told her mother how fond of her they were and how she would make a wonderful wife to Severus. Tatiana politely walked them to the door, from where they would apparate back to their home. After they were gone, Tatiana took a deep breath and walked back to the living room where her mother was cleaning again. She had never been so angry with that little wench before….


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

Her mother was picking up the plates and walking into the kitchen when she saw her daughter walk in. she gave her another appraising look and said, "My, I was impressed with you today. Seems you aren't completely hopeless, like I always thought you were. Goes to show, even an ugly duckling can be beaten into a swan."

"Oh I am very happy you are pleased," she said coldly, "but don't get your hopes up."

"What do you mean?" said her mother dangerously.

"What I mean is, you found me the most horrible man to marry and I will do it, but I will ruin the reputation of your wonderful family. I am not going down without a fight. Oh just you wait, I will ruin you like you tried to ruin me. And you won't be expecting it."

"Don't you dare you wretch!" screamed her mother, "we have worked so hard to get rid of you, so that you wouldn't be on my head anymore and don't you ruin it!"

"How nice," hissed Tatiana, "Well, I already have a man, and I am not ending it."

"That filthy blood traitor's brother?" said her mother aghast, "you're a cheap tart!"

"I know I am," said Tatiana, "and I am not ending it, no matter who I marry and how much it ruins your precious reputation. So you can give up on some happy marriage."

"Severus will set you right," said her mother angrily, "so you don't act like a whore."

"Oh he can't do anything about it," said Tatiana calmly, "no matter what he does to me, which I know is what you were hoping for. He can beat me half to death and I will not do what he wants, and I will never do what you want. So I suggest you get your act together."

Her mother looked like she had just been slapped in the face, "How dare you talk to me like that you stupid child! I can ruin you in one swift movement."

"Oh don't worry about that," she said dangerously, "you've been doing quite well for the past seventeen years of my life. You've ruined me enough. God, You are pathetic."

"My god what have you become?" said her mother, "Gallivanting with that idiot!"

"Oh," said Tatiana with a wicked smile on her face, "we are doing a lot, lot, lot more that gallivanting. I can assure you of that, and there's nothing you can do."

"Shut up before I shut you up," screamed her mother, "you should be on your knees licking the ground I walk on. You are nothing without me, do you hear me?"

Tatiana had begun walking up to her room and was laughing loudly at her mother's fury. This was all worth it, she thought. She got what she deserved, she sold me to Severus Snape, that idiot, and now she gets what she deserves. Just wait and watch mother.

"Come down here this instant you disobedient girl," screamed her mother.

"Shut up you Fucking Bitch!" yelled Tatiana from her room. There were no more voices. She heard the distant crash of a plate or a glass or something…

Tatiana locked the door the behind her. She really needed to be alone right now. She threw the dress off herself and chucked it in the corner angrily. She took off her underwear and threw it with the dress. God, this was really turning out to be a bad day. Did her father really do this to her? Well, she knew he was capable of it. They were different people, her father and mother. Her mother was getting her married off because she wanted her to get the hell out of her house and stop hogging her husband's affection. Her father would want to get her married because it would secure her future, according to him. He was still an old-fashioned man who believed a woman needed a man to prosper in life, and according to him, he need to be a pureblood male.

Tatiana threw herself on her bed. The breeze from the fan felt good on her naked body. It made her feel like she was lying out somewhere on a distant beach, where no one would find her. She wished she could just run away. Where would she go? To his house… His parents were just as bad as hers; they would take her right back home. Why was this happening to her? What had she done to deserve all this? No one else would be get married just as they let school did they? She was the only one, and she was the only one as unlucky to be marrying a man she didn't want to. She had to marry a man she despised. God she hated Snape…

Meanwhile, somewhere across the world, a hassled boy was yelling at a cowering house elf. The elf didn't say anything at all. Actually, the elf didn't really understand what the boy was saying. He decided it was better not to ask what he meant. He pretended to be afraid and to take in everything the boy was saying. But he had understood the gist of it by the time he stopped yelling. Someone had dropped a glue of some sort on his favorite book and it was ruined for life. The elf knew it hadn't been him.

The boy stalked out of the room and found a man standing there, looking quite happy with himself. He was tall, blonde and very handsome. This man was the boy's friend, but was a few years older than him and was more like his mentor. He was at least seven or eight years older, and the boy lived in his house.

"Severus," said the man, "I was just coming to call you. What is the matter?"

"Oh it's the stupid house elf again," said the young boy, "what is it Lucius?"

"Come and sit down," said Lucius, "I need to have a talk with you."

"Is anything the matter?" asked Severus suspiciously.

"Why do you say that?" asked Lucius with a sly smile.

"Because you're looking at me like you want to do me," said Severus warily.

"Oh not at all, I would never do you. Cissy would kill me," said Lucius with a wave of his hand, "besides, you're just a teenager with raging hormones, you wouldn't do."

"What do you mean you snide fuck?" said Severus indignantly

"I mean you wouldn't last three minutes," said Lucius casually.

"Oh whatever," said Severus punching him, "now get on with it. What is it?"

"See Severus, when you came to live with us, I made you a promise didn't I?"

"Yes," said Severus with respect, "you said that you would secure my future for me."

"That's right," said Lucius approvingly, "I am glad that you have turned out well Severus. You have become a respectably young man, and most importantly, you can be linked to two very prominent pureblood families. You should be proud of yourself."

"It is all your doing Lucius," said Severus humbly.

"Well, let me do one more thing for you then. As a favor to you Severus, I have done something for you that you will thank me for. I have found you a wife," said Lucius.

Severus sat there stunned, "but I'm only seventeen!"

"Oh come now," said Lucius smiling at him, "I was seventeen when I married. You have to marry someone the family approves of Severus, I hope you know that."

"Yes," said Severus, "I know I have to uphold the reputation of this household."

"Very good," said Lucius, "Now, you will be married in the summer."

Severus hardly had time to think, "But who is it Lucius? Tell me!"

"You know her," said Lucius, "Her name is Tatiana Smith, and she is in your grade."

"Yes, yes I know her," snapped Severus.

"You don't approve?" asked Lucius, surprised.

"I approve of her bloodline," said Severus, "I don't approve of her."

"Why not?" asked Lucius interested.

"Because she has a collection of her blood traitor friends," said Severus scathingly.

"Well, that just makes it better doesn't it?" said Lucius happily.

"Why do you say that? I will have to put up with her mudblood loving nonsense."

"That is the beauty of this Severus," said Lucius in a dangerous whisper, "you don't have to put up with anything. You have to beat this out of her and make her obey you."

"I see what you are saying," said Severus.

"Yes, Severus," said Lucius, "remember she is a full blooded woman and she is perfect for you. All she needs is a few lessons in male superiority and some obedience perhaps."

"Don't let Narcissa hear you say that," said Severus with a smile.

Lucius smiled embarrassedly and said, "Yes well, it doesn't apply to her. She was never a mudblood lover, so I didn't need to teach her anything."

"Why did you find me one who needs it then?" asked Severus indignantly.

"Because son," said Lucius, "you have the power to do it. I never did have the power to do it. I was lucky in any case. But I am telling you the girl is fabulous. She is the most gorgeous one I have ever seen and all she needs is firm handling."

"You're right Lucius," said Severus, "I'll do whatever it takes to put her right."

"Don't be too rough on her Severus," said Lucius, "she is very, um, delicate."

"Really?" said Severus surprised, "thinks she is quite strong with her blood traitors."

"No, no," said Lucius, "she needs a good husband like you Severus."

Severus thought about it…well, she was extremely good looking, he had to admit that. She was exactly what most guys in Hogwarts wanted. He didn't want her. But he knew other things about her too, she was a blood traitor and he knew that. But he would beat it out of her…


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

Tatiana had done what she promised herself she would never do. Drown her sorrows in a huge tankard of whiskey. He hated alcohol, and it tasted like cyanide, not that she knew what it tasted it like. She had fallen to depths she couldn't believe she could fall to. She was a drunken, pathetic wench like her mother…

There was a knock on the door. What time was it? She knew she had been lying on that bed, naked, for a very, very long time. She looked at the clock; it said it was way past noon. She was right. She had been there for five hours, drinking herself to death. If only, she thought, if only it would kill her and she'd die on mother's perfect carpet.

There was another knock on the door and Tatiana said, "Who is it?"

"Its me honey," said a man's voice. Shit, it was dad. Tatiana fumbled with the bottle of whiskey and hid it clumsily under the bed.

"Just a second daddy," she said, putting on her mother's perfect voice.

She was going to open the door when she realized she was stark naked. She threw on the dress without any underwear and raced to the door. She unlocked it and her father stepped in.

"You know," he said smiling, "you didn't have to hide the firewhiskey. I thought we were going to get drunk together anyway. Your mother called me."

"Oh off course she did," said Tatiana leading her father in and bringing out the leftovers of the whiskey, "was mummy complaining about her whore daughter?"

"Darling," said her father, "you know I don't believe her. You know I only believe you."

"But its true daddy," she said boldly, swigging the whiskey while her father winced, "I am a whore isn't it? I am what you always hated. I do have a boyfriend you know?"

"Don't say things like that Tatiana," said her father calmly, "I would never call you that. And I know you have a boyfriend. I never said anything to you for the past two years."

"Then why are you making me marry Snape?" hissed his drunken daughter.

"I tried to tell your mother that you should marry him, what is his name?"

"Regulus Black," she said hiccoughing. Her father took a swig.

"But she wouldn't hear of it. Its because of his brother, the one they call the blood traitor or something, am I right?"

"Sirius is a very nice boy daddy and Regulus has been very good to me," she said.

"I can't do anything Tatiana," he said painfully, "I wish I could. But you have to realize something about life; you can't always have what you want. Let me give you the best example and you will know." He dropped his voice to a whisper, "your mother and I. You know I don't love her at all, but I have had to marry her because that is what my family told me to do."

"You made a big mistake," she said shortly.

"But by making that big mistake," said her father, "I made sure that I didn't make a bigger one. We have a reputation dear and it has saved us before. You know what will happen if we lose it? You wont have most of these comforts you desire."

Tatiana nodded. She knew that she was doomed to the kind of relationship her parents had. There would be no love, and there would be no affection…

"Sometimes, there are more important things in this world than love," he said.

Her mother came into the room and gave them a disapproving look when she saw the bottle of firewhiskey. She said to her husband, "they are calling you back to the office."

Her mother left the room with a disapproving look at the pair. Her father kissed her on the cheek, took a last deep swig and said, "don't you drink that second bottle. Lets keep it for some more somber occasions right?"

Tatiana smiled weekly. As usual, her father was the good guy, but the good guy always leaves. Her father left her there alone and unwanted all over again. But he had said some important things too. He had said that there were more important things in this world than love. She knew he was right in many ways. Wasn't it more important to make sure your children had a sheltered future? She knew that no matter how much she hated Severus Snape, she would have to make do. But she knew that what Regulus and her had, was love, or as close to love it could be. She would not end it with him. He had been the one thing in her life she had actually liked and wanted to keep. Too much booze, she threw up in the toilet.

Just as a finishing touch to ruin her mother's day completely, Tatiana went down to the kitchen to grab something to eat holding the bottle of firewhiskey in her hand. Her mother's eyes were the size of galleons when she saw this. She opened her mouth to say something but Tatiana gave her the look of death.

The last week of her vacation was hell. That was all she could say. Tatiana had only seen her father thrice in the whole month and she knew it was probably more than she had seen him before. He had been taking out time to come and see her. He knew how she felt. But that bitch doesn't, she thought bitterly, when she heard her mother yelling at her father to not encourage her rebellious behavior and to put her right.

But she swallowed it. She swallowed her pride and she took it.

It was nearly time now, to go back to Hogwarts. To go back to Regulus, she thought. What would he think when he heard all this? Would he be angry with her for not putting a stop to it? What would he do? He wont stop loving me will he, she thought panicking. They had been so close, and he had even said he wanted to marry her. It was all over now. It was never going to happen.

Why am I alive anyway? I have a shit life. That really expressed her life quite well - it was shit. How could she have gotten into such a mess? She had done nothing but obey her mother for the past fifteen years of her life and try and impress her. This, she found, was a dismal failure. Her mother was a heartless, cruel woman who hated her own daughter. Sometimes she wondered if she was adopted, because her mother treated her like no other mother did. She even wished she were adopted. At least I wouldn't have to be bound to this wretch for the rest of my life.

Severus was taking this quite well, thought Lucius. He was sitting in his room, as usual, immersed in some stupid book. He tried to get him to do something fun once in a while, but it never really worked. I wonder what he thinks of this whole agreement, thought Lucius.

In truth, Severus was angry. He would never show it. He loved Lucius and Narcissa like no one else and he trusted their judgment the most. But he couldn't for the life of him understand why it had to be so soon. He had many ambitions to fulfill and dreams to make real, but now some silly girl would weigh him down.

What would his friends think? Well, for one, they would be proud of him. She was like Lucius had said, a pureblood to the last drop. But there were other reasons they would be proud. For one, she was nothing short of breathtakingly beautiful. He hated admitting it to himself. No matter how much his fellow Slytherins called her a filthy Gryffindor, they all secretly wanted to do her. They had all tried, he knew that too. They had all tried, except for him. He thought she was a complete blood traitor, but his friends didn't seem to care. He remembered Zabini, when he went to the annual dance with her. He tried to get her to kiss him at first, and she didn't even do that. But then Regulus had tried, and it had worked. He knew she was seeing him. They had been together for a year now, but had been very close for two. Severus thought of how Regulus would hate him now, not that he cared, but it would be a change. Severus, as far as he was concerned, hated all Gryffindors because they were Muggle-loving blood traitors. She hated us too, and he knew it. She hated Slytherins and she was a loyal Gryffindor. She thought all Slytherins were cruel and heartless and loved the dark arts. She was right. Why couldn't they have picked someone else?

Severus wondered what she thought of the whole thing…

Tatiana was sitting on her bed, clutching the firewhiskey and sipping it occasionally. It was starting to taste like rat poison now. What would Severus Snape do to her, she wondered. She knew he was a rough, rude and arrogant weirdo who nobody but his Slytherin cronies liked. James hated him and so did Sirius, she thought bitterly. Even Regulus, though he denied it, didn't like him much. She knew though, that Regulus didn't like Severus, because he made it a point to say that the Black family was a ruined household with no one to uplift their name anymore. She knew Severus hated her for sure. Almost all his friends had asked her to the annual dance every year and she had said no. She said yes to Regulus because they were together. Earlier, she had gone with Zabini, and she really regretted it. He was boring, rude and obnoxious and had tried to force her to kiss him at the end of it all. She denied him when he had asked her to Hogsmeade and he had never forgotten him. The very next day, all the Slytherins were gossiping about what a pricey wench she was.

Tatiana couldn't care less. She knew that Severus didn't want her either. She definitely wanted out of this marriage and he wanted the same. But they had to come to some sort of agreement. She began plotting in her mind.

Severus knew, because Lucius warned him, that Tatiana would not want this marriage. He also told him, that he was in no circumstances, to agree with what she was saying. Severus' last plan had been washed away. Now he was really stuck with her.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

Tatiana climbed onto the Hogwarts train. Where were her friends? She could see her father waving to her from the platform. She waved back. Her mother had not come.

"Tatsi!" Came a voice from a compartment, "I'm here. Are you looking for me?"

She turned to see Lily looking at her happily. Tatiana forced a smile and gave her friend a good hug.

"How are you Lily?" she asked, "You only wrote to me twice. I was so sad."

"Oh I wasn't at home, I had gone to Italy," she said, "I'm sorry."

"No, no," said Tatiana, "lets go inside then."

She walked into the compartment to find all her friends waiting for her. she counted them off, Lily, Alice, Keira, Nicole…they all looked better and much happier.

"Hi guys," she said happily as they jumped up and hugged her, "I have missed you so, so, so much. I can't even tell you."

"Did you miss me?" came a soft voice from behind her.

Tatiana looked around and saw Regulus standing behind her. He looked good. He looked really, really good. He had grown taller for sure. His hair, she realized, it was different too. She couldn't get her eyes off him. He grinned at her.

"Come on girls," said Lily, smiling at the pair, "Lets leave them alone."

"No ladies," said Regulus, "Don't worry. I was just going."

"Going?" said Tatiana a little hurt, "You just came?"

He leant down and whispered in her ear, "Talk to your friends and come to my compartment later okay? No one will be there. Just you and me." He kissed her cheek softly and ran his hand over her slender neck. The girls in the compartment giggled.

"Oh grow up," he said teasingly to the girls and he stole another kiss from Tatiana.

He left. Tatiana wanted to go and throw herself on him and tell him everything…

"So Tatsi!" said Alice Longbottom, "what's new?"

"Did you hear something?" asked Tatiana suspiciously. They all nodded.

She told them everything and all their faces were horrified. Each one had a uniquely horrified look on their faces. Apparently this was news to them.

"I thought you knew? You said you did," she said to them.

"We knew something else Tatsi," said Lily faintly, "I cant believe you're going through this stuff. I can't believe your mother, I really can't."

"Bitch," said Tatiana automatically. The rest of them nodded.

"What did you know guys?" she asked them, curious.

They all exchanged troubled glances. They really didn't want to tell her now, after this.

"Tell me," she said warningly.

Lily mustered the courage and said, "We know that Regulus was going to ask you to marry him this semester Tatsi. But this changes everything."

Tatiana gasped. She didn't know what to do. Her mind had stopped working. Why had this happened to her? She loved Regulus and would say yes to him without blinking an eye. She couldn't even do that now. He was going to propose to her.

"You know what you have to do don't you Tatsi?" asked Lily tentatively.

She nodded. She had to tell Regulus she couldn't be with him anymore. She had to tell him the truth and it had to be soon, perhaps sooner than she had planned. She hated her life. Tears were brimming in her eyes now, but she willed herself not to cry.

"I think I should have a talk with Regulus," said Tatiana to her friends. They nodded.

Lily hugged her and said, "you always have us Tatsi, and you know we can help."

She nodded and hugged her friend again. Tatiana opened the door and stepped out. She could feel eyes on her when she walked through the corridor. She could feel people peering out of the compartments at her. Did they know?

A compartment door slid open as she walked by it on her way to Regulus' compartment. She stopped to look at a familiar face. It was Zabini. He narrowed his eyes at her when she stopped. She began to walk away when he grabbed hold of her arm.

"Zabini what –

He pulled her into the compartment, and it was full of Slytherins. They were all boys, except for one girl. Severus wasn't there, she noticed. Nott gave her a wiry smile as she walked in. The boys ogled at her and the girl gave her a menacing look. She was ugly. There was another boy she recognized. His name was Amycus, a big boulder-ish boy. He leered at her like she was a piece of meat in front of a hungry wolf. Lestrange, another boy she knew, a handsome boy smirked at her. Zabini was still gripping her arm.

"Zabini what is wrong with you?" she asked him angrily. She shoved him away.

"Here she is," said Zabini with a sneer, "Severus' woman." The whole compartment snickered. Tatiana rolled her eyes at him and shoved him away to get to the door.

Zabini grabbed hold of her arms and shoved her onto the wall. She gasped in pain as his muscular arms held onto her tight. What did these weirdoes want?

"Hot isn't she?" said Zabini and Lestrange laughed loudly, "If you weren't Severus' woman, you have no idea what I'd do to you." Amycus looked stupidly at her.

They all laughed again, but the girl looked away pointedly. Lestrange put his hand on her cheek and ran it down to her neck saying, "Yeah, you have no idea what I've done to you in my head," Zabini chuckled, "but if Severus dumps you, you're all mine."

Nott stepped in to see what was going on and Zabini said, "even innocent little Nott here, always saying how he wants nothing more than to get you into his bed."

Tatiana looked sickened and said, "I really don't give a shit about any of you."

"But my dick does," said Lestrange, and they all laughed, "It gives a shit bout you."

Tatiana struggled to get free, but Zabini was too strong. Then she heard footsteps outside and the door opened. It was Severus, and he smiled amusedly when he came in. he didn't show any sign of surprise to see his fiancé pinned against the wall by some brutes.

"Having fun I see," said Severus to the room in general. They looked amused.

"Oh a little too much fun," said Lestrange sneering, "I can't believe you landed her."

Severus looked revolted and said, "I don't really care."

"But she is as hot as they get," said Zabini with a hungry look on his chiseled face, "I mean, she is really a looker you know Severus." Amycus still looked stupidly around.

"Yeah, look at her tits," said Lestrange and Nott and Zabini snickered again.

"I mean, they're small, but they're really, really hot," said Zabini, "Can't believe you like get to have them. Can you imagine them when you land her in the sack?"

"Like I said Zabini," said Severus, "I couldn't give a shit."

"Oh well," said Lestrange, "we'll see when you fuck her blue. Then you'll give a shit."

Amycus guffawed. Nott gave a nervous laugh and resumed his staring at Tatiana. Lestrange was doubled up laughing and Zabini looked highly amused.

"Don't you want to do her at all Severus?" asked Zabini, staring down into her blouse.

"I think I'll pass," said Severus coldly and he walked out of the room. Tatiana exhaled.

"Don't look so relieved," said Zabini, "if he wont fuck you, I will for sure."

Tatiana stared coldly but composedly at them and said, "Like _I_ said, I don't care about you or your seedy little friend," she meant Severus, "and I am not staying her any longer."

"Aww let her go Zabini," said Lestrange, "she's getting my prick really hot in here."

They all laughed again and Zabini let go of Tatiana and pushed her out of their compartment. She shook herself and their hands off her.

She walked shakily to Regulus' compartment and opened the door. He was alone, but she could tell there had been people there earlier. She didn't want to tell him what happened.

"You're early," he said getting up and pulling her close to him.

"Oh, I decided to come early," she said relieved she was with him now.

He looked at her and said, "You look upset Tatiana."

"Don't worry," she said softly, "I will tell you a little later."

He put his arm around her shoulder and the other around her waist and pulled her close to himself. He brushed his lips against hers and she smiled at him. He was so handsome. He pressed them against hers and she kissed him back. Oh god, it felt good to have him back.

"Regulus hands –

He pulled his hands out of her blouse and looked embarrassed, "sorry Tatsi, I got carried away. You know you do that to me," he kissed her neck.

"Its okay," she said, kissing him again.

"What did you want to tell me Tatiana?" he looked at her worriedly at her. She didn't know what to do now. What do I say? I'm dumping you because I'm marrying someone else. She shook the words out of her head.

"Tatiana what is wrong?" he asked her worriedly. She hadn't even noticed the tears streaming down her face or that she was sobbing uncontrollably.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

It was asphyxiating on her tongue when she told him the whole story. She trembled her way through it. It was like a scene from a movie she thought, his face grew angrier and darker with every word she said. She had never seen him like this before. It wasn't his usual anger, the kind where he got violent and loud. It was the silent anger, which cut her deep. She could almost feel the disappointment seeping through his eyes into her own. It was the sadness, which was slicing her heart into many, many pieces when his eyes bored into hers.

He looked sickened and said, "I can't believe this is happening Tatiana."

Tatiana wiped her streaming eyes and said, "I tried to do what I could. They won't listen to me. They keep going on about family honor and I have to do what they want me to."

Regulus shook his head and said, "I'm not blaming you Tatsi, and I know you."

She sobbed loudly and said, "I would never do this, and you know that. My life is falling apart Regulus, and there's nothing I can do about it. Not now, not ever."

"I don't know why this is happening to us," he said.

"I hate my mother for doing this to me," she said bitterly, "You know father was going to let us, well, you know."

"Really?" said Regulus surprised.

Tatiana nodded and said, "he knew about you and me. He told mother that we should be together and she told him that she would leave him if I married you. I don't know why."

"I know," he said darkly.

"Why?" she asked him.

"Your mother spoke to my mother last year remember?" said Regulus, "mother told me she was accusing us of being blood traitors and Muggle lovers."

"She said that to me too," said Tatiana sadly.

"I don't know why she treats you like she does Tatsi," he said impatiently.

"She hates me," said Tatiana, "she has hated me from the day I was born. She hates me because she hates my father for not loving her. She hates me because she hates him."

"I hate her," he said simply. Tatiana smiled a reluctant smile through her tears.

"I know how you feel," she said smiling, "I have hated her my whole life."

He hugged her tightly and said, "You know I love you. No one will stop me doing that."

She kissed him softly, brushing her lips against his. This is the worst thing that could have happened to us, she thought. All her dreams had been shattered in one swift movement.

Tatiana clutched him tightly and kissed him. He put his hand on her chin and kissed her back. She continued to cry, and he wiped her tears off her cheeks.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked her through his saddened eyes.

"I can't," she said, tears leaking out of her eyes again.

"Don't," he said, "We'll find a way to make this work alright?"

She nodded and he began to kiss her again. More vigorously and passionately than he had kissed her for a long time. He wanted nothing and no one more than her, and she was being cruelly snatched away from him and given away to Severus Snape. If only he could hold on to her for as long as he wanted. He couldn't now. She was not his to keep.

Tatiana pulled away from him and got up abruptly.

"I think I should go back now," she said sadly. Regulus nodded. He got up and opened the door for her. She turned around and put her arms around him. He kissed her neck softly and she broke away and walked away without looking back. He sighed and went inside.

There was a bathroom on the way and Tatiana decided she needed to fix her self up before going back. This was the first time she had really cried about what was happening to her. She had generally stuck to the drink-yourself-to-death rule, which had stopped working. She stepped into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. She was a mess. Her hair looked all right, but her face looked careworn. Her mascara and eyeliner had run badly and her face was blotchy from all the crying. She took out tissues and wet them to wipe herself clean. She re-did her makeup so that no one would know she had cried. But her eyes were still bloodshot and her face a little blotchy.

She walked back down the corridor and towards her own compartment. For the second time that afternoon, the door swung open of another compartment and some one she knew stepped out. Someone she didn't want to see. Not now, not ever. Severus stood there, casually leaning against the door and Tatiana stopped dead in her tracks.

"Come inside," he said. It was not an offer, and it was more a command.

Tatiana nervously stepped in, following Severus inside his compartment. There was no one else inside. It seemed there weren't many people with him inside anyway. She could count two other bags, and assumed those people weren't here at the moment. Severus turned away from her and started to put his books and belongings away.

She stood there, awkward and a little disconcerted by his ignorance of her existence. I am standing right here, she thought, what is wrong with him? He called me in here in the first place. I have better things to do than to watch him clean his shit –

"So," he said with the faintest hint of a sneer, "you know, don't you?"

She nodded. She knew he was asking her about the arrangement that had been made.

"Then you had better learn a few things," he said coldly.

"What do you mean?" she said indignantly.

"You are my fiancé aren't you?" he said sneering openly now.

"Yeah," she said, confused about where this was going.

"What were you doing in Black's compartment right now?" he asked her coldly.

"Talking," she said quickly, a little too quickly. His eyes flashed. Her blood ran cold.

"It looks bad you know," he said casually, "my fiancé in another man's compartment."

"We are just friends," she hissed at him. What was his business in this anyway?

For the second time in that one afternoon, she felt herself pinned against the wall of the compartment. She winced painfully as Severus held her arms to the sides. She tried to wrench herself away from his grip, but he had an unbelievable amount of strength. She knew he wasn't even trying hard right now. It looked like he was barely making an effort as he held her in an unbreakable hold.

"Friends?" he asked her softly.

"Severus what are you doing?" she cried worriedly.

But she couldn't even get an answer to her question. Severus didn't even bother answering her. He merely looked into her eyes and came closer.

"Tell me Tatiana," he hissed into her ear and she shivered.

Suddenly, she squealed loudly. His hand was moving under her blouse. She struggled away from his probing hand, but he ran it over her waist, her stomach and her hips. His light touch was like poison to her skin. Get it off me, she thought desperately. She continued to fight his hand, but he was a little too strong for her. He had embarrassed her enough in their first real encounter. He wasn't done yet though. His hand moved up to her breasts, and he touched her. God, get your hands off me you filthy slime, she pleaded in her head.

"Severus, stop it –

"Tell me Tatiana," he hissed again, "do _friends_ do this to each other." His hand was still on her breasts and he didn't let go of her. He ran his hand in her cleavage and he began pulling off her bra. She was mortified. She was being pinned unceremoniously by none other than her own fiancé, and to top it all, he was molesting her.

She continued to fight him and he stopped pulling off her bra and let her go. She threw his hand off her and looked at him shocked, "Severus why would you do that?"

"I had to teach you a lesson," he said simply.

"About what?" she said angrily

"That you cannot go around being groped by anyone who isn't your fiancé."

She turned to leave and he said, "Did I say you could go?"

She stopped moving, in fear of being groped by him all over again.

"See, you're already learning to obey," he said softly. She glared at him.

"Just remember, if I see his hands anywhere near you again," he said casually like he did this to girls everyday, "you can be sure, I'll be punishing you again. And maybe it'll be much, much worse than this."

"How dare –

"Oh, but I already dared," he said simply, "so don't make me do that again."

She opened her mouth to say something but he said, "Respect."

She shot him a filthy look. She couldn't believe he had just done that to her. He was a callous and rude person who didn't really give a shit about her at all. She turned away and walked out of the compartment. She didn't even look at him when she left. This is what I'm marrying, she thought with disgust. Now I'll have to lock my door every night in fear of being brutally raped by that sick, twisted son of a bitch, she thought angrily. She couldn't shake his hands off her. How could he do that? Didn't he know that she would tell someone if he did that? But she wouldn't tell. She was too ashamed to tell anyone.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

They had just arrived at Hogwarts and the feast was over. Tatiana was with her friends again. She hadn't told them about anything that had happened on the train. This was the worst train journey she had ever had in her whole life. This was also the most mortifying feast she had had to sit through. The word had somehow got out that she and Severus were going to married by the end of the summer and people were hungry for details.

Her friends took to answering her questions for her so that no one would bother her. She thanked them profusely and went back to her dinner. Lily looked at her sympathetically and hugged her again.

"I know what happened on the train," she whispered in Tatiana's ear.

"How?" she asked her.

"Well, you know Severus and I are friends," said Lily sadly, "and I know something happened to you when you came back to the compartment."

"So?" asked Tatiana.

"So, when I said I was going to the bathroom," said Lily, "I went and spoke to Severus and asked him what he did to you. I knew he would."

"I hate him," she said miserably.

"Well, I set him right," said Lily, "and I told him he had no right to touch you like that."

"Thanks Evans," said Tatiana, "but you know it won't do anything."

"I think it might," she said, "he'll think twice before doing that now."

"How come?" she asked.

"Oh, he got a good face-full of my superb wand work," said Lily snickering.

Tatiana smiled and said, "I am setting you on him if he does that again."

"Please do," said Lily, "I would love to give my dear friend some more pain."

Tatiana could see Severus wincing as he sat down with his Slytherin cronies and she smiled, satisfied. He deserved all the pain he was going through right now.

"It was so embarrassing Lily," said Tatiana darkly, "I can't believe he did that to me."

She nodded, "I know. Its not like Severus though, I mean I've known him for years now and he really isn't the type to do that you know? I think he was really jealous."

"He doesn't even like me Evans," said Tatiana angrily, "he is just a pervert."

"No Tatsi, he really isn't," she said kindly, "I know how jealous he was. That's why he did it. It was the most stupid thing he could do, but he did it because he was really upset."

Tatiana looked sickened and said, "I still can't get over it."

"I know," she said, "it was an insensitive and sexist thing to do Tatsi."

When the feast was over and the students began leaking out of the great hall and towards their dormitories, Tatiana was hailed by professor McGonagall. She looked like she had been looking for her for a while.

"Ms. Smith," she said loudly, "wait a minute there. You need to come with me."

Tatiana followed her and she took her out of the great hall and towards the entrance gate. She wondered what the problem was. Then she saw Severus waiting there too. Tatiana was scared now. Did Lily tell professor McGonagall about what Severus did to her?

Professor McGonagall said, "Right, now that you're both here, I need to tell you something very important. Your parents have requested that you have common living quarters so that you can get better acquainted. So you will be living in a separate section, with separate living rooms off course, but the same common room."

Tatiana didn't say anything and neither did Severus. Tatiana didn't care now. She knew she would have nothing to do with anyway. Severus didn't give a damn either. Professor McGonagall took them to their new living quarters and they followed. They went up winding stairs and then found large oak doors.

She left them there and opened the room. They thanked her and entered the room. Their luggage had already been brought inside. A fire was happily cackling in the fireplace and the room was cozy. This was the common room and thought it wasn't large, but it was cozy and comfortable. She saw a door open and it had her name labeled on it. She opened it and looked inside. It was very nice. She came back outside to get her luggage. Tatiana didn't say a word to him. She didn't even look at him. It was as if wasn't even there. She took her luggage and hovered it into her room. It landed neatly in a corner and unlocked itself. Severus tried to catch her eye once or twice, but Tatiana didn't even look anywhere close to him. He had already gotten his filthy hands all over her, and the last thing she wanted were his eyes. She went into her own room and he heard and noisy lock latching itself. He went into his own room and locked it too.

The next few days were nothing short of mortal peril. Tatiana tried to keep out of Severus' way, but they had exchanged a few sentences. It seemed he had forgotten what had happened on the train, but he was treating her the same way. He was treating her with that silent superiority that she hated. She was anything but inferior to him and she couldn't stand his attitude. She never went into his room and he never came into hers.

He had shouted at her twice already, and it had only been a week. He had shouted when she did open the windows to clear the air out before they went to class. Tatiana didn't say anything. She didn't even bother answering him, which angered him even more. That fight lasted for nearly half a day and she continued to ignore him. He was really getting fed up with her nonchalant attitude. She was sickened by his perfectionist attitude and his raging temper.

"Why can't you open the goddamn window?" he shouted at her. Tatiana ignored him.

"Don't ignore me Tatiana," he said warningly, "you know better than to do that."

"Then what do you want me to say to you?" she said loudly.

"Don't say anything, just leave the fucking window open," he yelled.

Tatiana didn't say anything again. She hated being shouted at. She heard it everyday when she was at home from her mother's mouth. She hated hearing his foul words, because she had heard them all already when she was with her mother.

"I said don't fucking ignore me like you're better than me," he said loudly.

"Don't put words in my mouth," she cried, "I never said that. Leave me alone okay? I'll open your bloody window every goddamn morning." She left before he saw her tears.

"That's better," he said smoothly, "and don't forget."

The second fight had happened a few days later when Regulus came to give her something. He knocked on the door of their common room and Severus opened the door.

"Yes Black, what do you want," said Severus, his eyes narrowed in dislike.

"I had to give Tatiana this," he said pointing to her copy of her potions book.

"Really?" he asked him, sneering, "and is that all you want to give her?"

"Yeah," said Regulus, confused, "Can I see her. I want to give it to her."

"She isn't here," said Severus coolly, "I'll give her the book."

Regulus reluctantly gave him the book and left without a word.

Tatiana had been in her room brushing her hair when Severus knocked at her door.

"Come in," she said coolly.

He opened the door and stood there sneering, "your boyfriend sent a present."

"Really?" she said feigning excitement.

"Oh yes, it's a wonderful potions book," he said sneering.

"How thoughtful," she said taking the book from him, "why thank you Severus."

"Oh, don't thank me," he said, "thank him."

"Don't worry about that," said Tatiana, "I'll find a way to thank him."

She shut the door in his fuming face and locked it up again. He didn't get over that one for a long time. Next evening he yelled at her for not locking the door before she left.

"Why do you need reminders for every little thing," he asked her softly, "are you really that much of an imbecile?"

"Yes Severus," she said simply, "I really am an imbecile."

"It shows," he said smoothly, "Just like your dear boyfriend. Tell him not to come here anymore if he wants to keep his good looks."

"Oh, I don't think he's coming back anymore after your behavior," she said coldly.

"Well, at least some good came of it," he said, "now he wont be coming around trying to get in your pants under the pretext of delivering books. How pathetic."

Tatiana didn't even bother replying. She had really had enough of this, and it had only been a little more than a week. She had had enough of his snide comments and his rudeness. She was already the housekeeper of their whole damn common room. When she told him to get up and do something, he refused and told her to do it because it was her duty. She didn't even bother arguing because he would start yelling again. It wasn't even worth it. She hated it when he shouted at her, and it was just like being back at home.

Lily noticed her foul mood over the next few days and said, "What's wrong? You and Severus not patching up yet?"

"It's like being back home again," said Tatiana. Lily didn't know what to say.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

Things weren't looking up for Tatiana. It was now almost two weeks down and Severus hadn't lightened up at all. In face, he had made newer problems and complaints to hassle her with every day. She wouldn't cry in front of him. She would never show him she was weak. She took his nonsense day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute and it went on and on and on. She didn't say anything to him unless she absolutely had to. She couldn't understand why he was so mean to her. True, she treated him like she didn't even know him and she didn't even bother talking to him or trying to be friendly, but that was because she knew what he thought of her. She knew he hated her.

Tensions erupted a few days later, and it was two weeks since they had moved into this hellhole and Tatiana's life had taken another unpleasant turn. Tatiana knew that Severus' patience with her was waning now, so she started keeping out of his way altogether. She didn't want anymore shouting matches. Her callous attitude hurt him much more than anything else though. He didn't want anything else from her, and in fact he had tried harder than she had. She had not even regarded his existence whereas he had tried at least to get her attention.

There was a knock on the door one evening as Severus began to wrap up his strewn pieces of parchment and his littered quills. He looked at the clock. It was nine o' clock. Tatiana was not back yet. He knew exactly where she was. There was another knock. He walked over to open the door. It wasn't her, and he knew that. Why would she knock at her own door? He decided not to answer the door. Whoever was there should know it was late and they shouldn't be there anyway. He had a suspicion it was that slime Regulus again. He wouldn't open the door for him anyway. But why should it be him? He was somewhere in some locked classroom snogging Severus' fiancé senseless. He felt sickened at the though.

Severus went back into his room and ignored the knocking. It continued for a few minutes and then it stopped. Then a few seconds later, her heard the opening of a door. It was the front door. But no one knew the password other than Tatiana and himself. He got up and stepped out of his room, with his wand at his side. He looked around and he saw the girl standing there. She had her back turned and seemed to be looking around.

"Yes?" he said. She turned around. He knew her and Severus lowered his wand.

"Hi Severus," said Lily Evans brightly.

"Yes Evans," he said casually, "what is it?" She narrowed her eyes. They had been friends and quite close throughout school, but Severus still wouldn't admit it. He still treated her like a stranger sometimes. Just like he did to everyone else, she thought bitterly.

"I came to put Tatiana's bag and books back," she said coolly, "I knocked for a really long time and no one answered so I assumed you weren't here."

"How did you get in though?" he asked her.

"Tatiana gave me the password in case you weren't around," she said reluctantly.

"Thanks," he said, "do I want to know where she is?"

Lily looked a little sympathetic and said, "Not going well is it?"

Severus looked a little uneasy and said, "don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't I?" she said softly, "You aren't very nice to her Severus."

"Nonsense," he said scathingly, "she deserves what she gets. She is a cheating little wench who needs nothing more than a good smack –

"No wonder she cheats on you," said Lily sadly.

"What do you mean Evans?" he asked her dangerously.

"You can't scare me Severus," she said calmly, "you know what its like to fight me."

"Go then," he said bitterly, and he was hurt, "go and support her cheating then."

"I can't help you Severus," she said quietly.

"I didn't ask you," he said coldly.

"That's why you will never get out of this," she said miserably, "and you'll do to her exactly what you do to all your friends. You'll blame her for your problems."

Severus tried to say something but Lily dropped the bags and left the room leaving a depressed air around it. It was as is something died in there. His heart was weighed down by what she had said. Lily had been his friend for so long, for so very long. He couldn't believe she wasn't on his side. He wasn't the one who was cheating was he? She was driving him crazy. She was supposed to be a good, respectful pureblood wife who obeyed her husband and put her needs after his, but she was none of those things.

The door opened suddenly and Tatiana walked in. he noticed her shirt was slightly unbuttoned and her skirt ruffled. His veins throbbed with anger. That little skank, he thought angrily as she strolled in. she looked at him waiting for him to say something, but he stalked back into his room and slammed the door. She picked up her things and just like any other night, went back to her room and locked it. Tatiana was sitting on her bed when she heard the knock on her door.

"Come in," she said. The door opened and it was Severus. He leaned against the door.

"Yes?" she asked him politely when he didn't say anything to her.

"Lily came," he said softly, "into our common room."

"I know," she said, "I was sick, so she offered to bring my things back here."

"Sick, right," he said, "why does she have our password Tatiana?"

"I gave it to her," she said nervously.

"You don't have the authority to rent this place out like a motel," he said cruelly.

"I didn't mean that. It was an emergency –

"I know your emergencies all too well," he said in a deadly whisper.

"What do you mean?" she asked disinterestedly. She knew exactly what he meant.

"What are you reading?" he asked her pointing to the stack of envelopes near her.

"Oh, nothing," she said trying to put them away put Severus was quicker.

"Accio!" he shouted and all the envelopes landed neatly in his hand.

"Give those back Severus," said Tatiana trying to control her anger.

He walked out of her room. She jumped out of her bed and ran to keep up with him. He had already stepped into his room and locked it. She hammered at his door but he wouldn't open. Tatiana stood there for a few minutes when the door opened.

Severus looked very, very angry. She could tell. His face was pale and his eyes blacker than usual. It was scary that would-be-calm expression on his face. His eyes bored into hers and her heart began to race. She didn't know what to do now.

Severus grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into his room. She had never been in here before and she really didn't like being here now. His grip on her arm was strong.

"Severus," she said, "Look, I can explain the letters –

"Oh you really don't need to," he said quietly and his fingers gripped her arm harder so that she winced, "I can recognize smut when I see it."

"It isn't smut," she said angrily wincing as he gripped her harder, "Its hurting –

"Really?" he said smoothly, "then why would Regulus write all these sweet and sensitive things about how he wants to feel you all over and fuck you hard?"

"You're twisting it the wrong way," she said, "he didn't mean it like that –

"I don't care how he meant it," he hissed, "you are exactly what I have been avoiding my whole life. You are a cheap, insensitive whore who has no self worth."

Tatiana didn't know what to say. She stood there like he had stabbed her. When she mustered the courage she said, "I have more worth than you could ever afford."

"Tell me then," he said sneering, "why do you let this stupid boy, who you hardly even know use you? You let him take sexual liberties with you like you are something on sale."

"We don't do anything," said Tatiana, "those were love letters he gave me Severus."

"You're idea of love is a local motel fuck off course?" he said scathingly.

"Don't say that Severus," she said angrily, "you know nothing of love –

"No Tatiana," he said coldly, "You, know nothing of love."

"I don't even need you," he said coldly, "I don't need conniving bitches around me."

"You are the last person on this earth I would ever marry Snape!" she cried as he shoved her painfully, "you are a brutal, mean, lowly and despicable person who –

But Tatiana never said the end of that sentence. Severus let go of her arm and pushed her onto his bed. She cried when she hit it painfully. He climbed on top of her and held onto her arms firmly. He ran his hand softly over her cheek, pushing her hair out of her face. The next thing she knew, she couldn't see anymore and there was a strange white light in front of her eyes. He had actually hit her. He had hit her like he had been told to do by Lucius. She didn't even cry, but the pain was more than anything she had ever felt before.

Then Severus did the one thing she would never forgive him for. After he had battered her, he brought his face onto hers and kissed her cheek. He kissed her cheek and moved down to her neck. Leaving little red marks as he kissed her and bit her tender neck softly. She didn't even move away. She was more repulsed than she had been on the train. Then he got up, took her by the arms and bodily threw her out of his room. She took it all.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

Tatiana woke up next morning early, with a cruel reminder of last night's events. Tears were running down her face now, and they had been pending for a while. She hadn't cried no matter what he had done to her, and she would still never let him see her like this. Her cruel reminder had been the stinging marks on her neck and the giant bruise on her face. She walked to the bathroom, and it was still only dawn. There were a few hours for her to be in class, but she couldn't go back to sleep. She walked into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. She needed a relaxing bath now…

She turned on all the lights and stood and looked in the mirror. One glance was enough for her to dissolve into tears again. She looked really bad. Her eyes were puffy and red because she had cried all night long, alone and under her sheets. Her neck had red marks and they weren't little. She had sensitive skin. It was very, very sensitive skin. So those little red marks had become purple and maroon vampire bites over right. They were swollen. Her cheek was not swollen and she thanked god. The cheek was a sad mixture of blue and purple. She really looked like she had been in a car accident. She couldn't go to Madam Pomfrey because she would know instantly she had been battered. She would have to live with it.

Tatiana took her warm shower and went back to her room. She sat there for a very long time and then she decided to get dressed and to do something about that bruise. She knew she had to get rid of it, but how? Maybe Lily would help her. The only problem with that was, that Lily would get a knife and slice Severus' hands off for doing that to her. Tatiana knew though, that she was the only one she could tell. She wouldn't tell Regulus at all. She put on an overcoat. It was cold today, she though. Or maybe it's the way I feel.

As she walked out of her room, she saw Severus come out of his bathroom. He took one look at her and his eyes widened. Yes Severus, she thought, this is what it is like to be thrashed by your future husband, and no, it doesn't feel so good. He made to say something to her, but she threw on a pair of sunglasses to hide her bloodshot eyes and she left the room.

Tatiana knew where Lily would be. She would still be in the Gryffindor common room, because she was always late for class. She always took long when she was getting dressed. But how would she pass everyone without them noticing? She'd have to take the risk. There was still an hour for class to start. Tatiana went into the common room and found barely anyone there. Some of them stared at her when she walked past but she ignored them. She went up to Lily's room and found there was no one there. Well, there was, but they were asleep and Lily wasn't there. She stifled a sob and she ran down back to the common room. She exited the common room and decided she should look somewhere else for her.

She looked for about fifteen minutes, but she was nowhere to be found. Then half an hour was gone and then forty-five minutes. Tatiana gave up hope and went to her first class. It was Charms. She sat and waited for people to come in. Alice, her partner came and sat down happily next to her. She gasped loudly when she saw what had happened to her friend's face.

"Tatsi!" she said, "What the hell happened to you? There's a bruise and little marks."

"Oh its nothing," said Tatiana airily, "I had a really bad fall in the bathroom this morning and I hit my face on the sink. It gave me the bruise and the edging gave the marks."

"Oh dear," said Alice horrified, "I am taking you to the doctor right now."

"No Alice," said Tatiana imploringly, "its nothing. I have an appointment later."

Tatiana managed to let Alice leave her alone and she was relieved at the excellent story she had made up on the spur of the moment. People continued to give her shocked looks and many came and asked her what was wrong, but they seemed satisfied with her story and told her to get better. Tatiana had been through all her before-lunch classes and she hadn't spotted Lily anywhere. She was beginning to get worried now…

But then she turned around and she saw the familiar red hair and beautiful face. Lily was walking in her direction talking to someone else. Tatiana's blood ran cold. She knew that face. It was the same one that had kissed her last night and had left the brutal marks on her neck. It was the same person who had thrown her down and slapped her.

"Hi Tatsi!" said Lily happily when she saw her. Severus looked at her.

Tatiana could almost feel the shock and horror rising in her every second just before she heard that scream escape Lily's mouth. Severus jumped a little.

"No, n-no," stammered Tatiana, "don't worry, I just had a bad fall this morning."

Now there were tears streaming down Lily's eyes, "Don't lie to me –

"I'm not lying Lily," she said loudly, "Just please come –

Lily started to sob louder and Severus tried to melt into a corner but Tatiana said, "Its nothing to worry about see, I just well, you know I get clumsy sometimes –

"You liar," she said shivering, "I want to know who did -

"Just let it go," said Tatiana, "I need to talk to you alright? I need your help."

Lily realized what was going on. She knew in an instant who had done this to Tatiana and she began to shake worse than ever. It looked like she was going to be sick. She shot Severus a look of purest loathing wiping away her angry tears and she followed Tatiana into a classroom. Tatiana locked it when they entered.

"What the hell is going on?" she demanded sobbing louder than Tatiana herself.

"Nothing Evans," she said, "its nothing, I just need your help –

"How did this happen Tatsi?" she asked her, her voice shaking with fear.

"I told you, I fell," she said convincingly.

"Don't lie to me! Why are you hiding your neck?" she asked her panicking.

Tatiana didn't move her hands away from her neck but Lily smacked them away and when she saw, she began shaking with rage and more tears fell out of her eyes.

"He did –

Tatiana nodded and began to cry silently. She really hadn't wanted it to come to this, but somewhere in her mind, she knew this was exactly how Lily would react.

"What are those marks Tatiana?" she asked her nervously.

She didn't even have to answer and Lily realized what they were. They were the purest sign of the humiliation Severus had inflicted on Tatiana last night.

"Kill him," she said dangerously.

"What?" asked Tatiana, surprised.

"I said, kill him," said Lily, "poison his food tonight Tatsi. I swear, just do it. I will cover you, and I'll say you weren't there at all. Just put some Doxycide and he'll be dead."

Tatiana looked horrified and said, "Lily! I would never do that to Severus!"

"Look at what he did to you!" she cried, "Look at how he has battered you Tatsi!"

"Why did he do this Tatiana?" she asked her friend.

Tatiana told her exactly what had happened last night and Lily's eyes grew wider with every thing she said. She told her about the letters…how he pushed…hit her…kissed her…

"I have known him since I have been here," said Lily softly, "but I never thought he was capable of being such a cruel, heartless maniac."

"Goes to show doesn't it?" said Tatiana bitterly.

"Let me get rid of these marks Tatsi, then we'll do the bruise," said Lily gently.

She took out her wand and began massaging the bites, one by one and muttering incantations under her breath. The pain wasn't going, but the marks were disappearing.

"I'm sorry Tatiana," she said, "I can't do anything for the pain, only for the marks."

"I don't care about the pain Lily," she said hastily, "I can live with that. Its what can be seen that bothers me. Three professors asked me what happened and not to mention the multitude of our classmates who wanted to know that too."

"What did you tell them?" she gasped.

"I had a fall in the bathroom," said Tatiana bitterly, "and they all swallowed it."

"Well, I knew something was wrong the moment I saw you," she said as she vanished the angry bruise on Tatiana's face.

"Thanks Lily," she said honestly, "I knew I could depend on you."

"We should do something Tatiana," she said worriedly.

"No," said Tatiana firmly, "I will not do anything."

"But I can," hissed Lily angrily.

"Lily," she said worriedly, "how long have we been friends, tell me."

"Seven years now," she said softly.

"Promise me something then," said Tatiana.

"No Tatsi –

"Promise me -

"No –

"Promise me you won't tell any authorities about this. Promise me you won't do anything at all to Severus and most of all, promise me that you won't tell Regulus."

Lily nodded reluctantly, but she hugged Tatiana when she began to cry again. She cleared her face of any sign of bruising and fixed her make up for her. Lily knew she couldn't do anything, but she knew that Severus would suffer because of this. She knew Tatiana.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10**_

The rest of the day was boring but people wanted to know how she had gotten hurt, and Tatiana did not tell anyone else the truth. When Regulus heard she was hurt, he rushed to find her but he believed her story too. Then when the day was over and she was walking back to her common room, she heard a voice call to her from behind her.

"Tatsi," said the voice again. She turned around and found Regulus behind her.

"Hi," she said shyly, "I'm kind of busy right now. Want to talk later?"

He smiled and said, "It'll just take a moment."

She stepped into the other corridor and he took her into a classroom. It was locked and he opened it. She stepped inside and he looked at her.

"Is everything alright?" she asked him when he continued to look at her.

"I want you to hear me out before you say anything to me right?" he said softly.

She nodded.

"Lily told me what happened to you," Tatiana sighed miserably _oh god Lily_, "listen to me Tatsi. I know she wasn't supposed to, but she really couldn't keep it from me. She knew I'd get it out of her anyway. So, hey I want to tell you something. I disagree with her, on what she said about taking revenge and putting Severus right."

Tatiana looked a little stunned and opened her mouth to say something but he stopped her and went on, "I know the position you're in. Don't do anything to make him angrier right? Just let it be. I mean, do what you want to do. Trust yourself."

"Really? You think I'm right then?" she asked him nervously.

"I want to kill him Tatiana," he said softly, "but I won't. I won't because you said you don't want to do anything. I know I'm not even involved with this, but I respect you and whatever decision you choose to take."

She hugged him and realized she was right. If she did anything to Severus, her own family would be in turmoil and he might just so worse to her next time…

"Tatsi," he said softly, "I want your word on something alright?" She nodded.

"I want you to tell me if he ever, you know, takes advantage of you," he said and Tatiana looked away, "if he ever touches you like that Tatiana, I will kill him right there."

"He won't do that," she said hoping it was true, "but I'll tell you if he does."

"Just lock your door every night alright –

"I already do Regulus, but I'm still scared."

"Scared of what?" he asker her.

"I am afraid he might come at night when he is angry. I am afraid he might come to rape me, or kill me –

"Don't say that Tatiana," said Regulus, "just lock yourself and you will be safe."

"I think I should go now," she said miserably and she kissed him. She left the room, and he sat there for a while wondering how this had all happened to her.

Tatiana walked back quickly and gasped out the password and went inside. Severus was sitting and writing something she couldn't make out, but she didn't even look at him. She simply went into her room and locked up. He sighed. Why had he done that, he wondered. Severus had never been angrier in his entire life, but it was still his fault. He shouldn't have done that to her, he realized. She didn't love him and he…well…he didn't know what he wanted from her. He didn't know why his blood ran cold every time he saw her with her boyfriend. He didn't know why he looked at her sometimes for long, long periods of time. He didn't know why, why she made him so angry. Most of all, he didn't know why she treated him like he didn't exist. Why had he done that to her? it was the most idiotic thing he had ever done before. What about that bruise? He did not even know how it became that huge. Surely he hadn't hit her that badly? She was very, very delicate though. His conscience was burning him now and he didn't know what to do. He couldn't exactly go up to her and plead forgiveness now could he? Firstly, she would run because she would think he was trying to rape her now, and secondly, he hadn't forgiven her for cheating on him all this while. He knew she was still with Regulus and she would never leave him…

Severus' anger rose again. But he was filled with shame the next moment. Tatiana had deserved his anger, but she hadn't deserved his cruelty. No one deserved that. What cut him most was, she hadn't even shed a tear. She was normal all day, hiding a dirty, dark secret, which was eating her away, and it was all because of him. He had lost his friend Lily. Lily had cried when she saw the state of Tatiana's face. Lily knew he had done that. Tatiana had protected him, lied to everyone that she fell, even though he had ruined her life.

Two days had gone. Things seemed to be back to normal, at least on the outside. Tatiana wouldn't talk to him, but he had managed to talk to her a little. He had asked her questions like where she was going and how long would she be gone, but nothing more. He received normal and even one-word answers, but she didn't even make eye contact with him.

He knew there was something wrong with her though. She had not been for a single meal in these two days. She had not gone for breakfast, he was sure of that, but he had not seen her at lunch and dinner either. At lunch, she would work in the library, and at dinner, she would be locked in her room. After she had missed eight meals, he asked her why she wasn't eating, and she told him she was sick and she couldn't eat. He offered to take her to the doctor, but she said he need not worry and she would be fine in a jiffy.

Lily ignored him completely during those two days and he felt his heart sink even more. Then after a lot of forced conversation, she managed to say something to him.

"Listen Severus," said Lily crying again, "I have never seen what I saw that day. I hope to god no one else has to see it ever again. You want to make things right? Apologize like a real man. Go and take responsibility for ruining someone's life."

He couldn't take it anymore. Most of all however, he couldn't apologize to her. He knew he should, but he couldn't forgive her for cheating on him either.

Then something unexpected happened. Severus went back to his and Tatiana's common room the following evening and found her talking to a young woman, not much older than she was.

"Oh Alicia," said Tatiana suddenly, "this is my fiancé Severus." She looked at Severus and smiled a fake smile and said, "Severus, this is my cousin, Alicia."

"Nice to meet you," said Severus, "what brings you here Alicia?"

"Oh, you know," said Alicia happily, "Tatiana and I have been closer than sisters growing up and when I heard she was getting married, I knew I had to see her. I have been so busy though working, that I could only get leave today."

"Are you staying for a while?" he asked her politely.

"No, I wish I could though," she said smiling, _god they look alike_, thought Severus and she continued, "I just thought I should visit my sister and let her know I'm here for her."

Tatiana smiled and said, "So let me show you my room."

With a look of horror Severus realized that Tatiana's bruise and the marks on her neck were staring to show a little again. Lily's spell was wearing off now and Tatiana didn't even know about it.

The ladies went into Tatiana's room and they closed it. Severus decided he needed to know what was going on. He had kept this for emergencies only. He drew out a black cup from his trunk and locked his room. he put the cup on and wall, sticking it there. He pointed his wand to the cup and said, 'sonorous.'

He could suddenly hear the two women's voices happy and jubilant. Her sister was hot, thought Severus, but Tatiana was the better-looking one for sure. her sister was heavier than she was, but she had the same features, the long, black hair and the soft brown skin. The sisters also shared each other's warm smiles through gentle well-defined lips. He pressed his ear harder to the cup and listened on. He heard their jubilant voices talking.

"Why the sudden visit Allie?" came Tatiana's voice, "I thought you were busy."

"Yeah I was really, really busy," said Alicia, "but I hadn't been able to see you all through your vacation and I felt really guilty. I mean, it's never been like this has it?"

"No, but I'm glad you're having fun," said Tatiana.

"So, are you happy you're getting married?" asked Alicia.

"Off course Allie," said Tatiana with the same fake voice he heard tonight.

"He is hot you know?" said Alicia. Severus pressed his ear harder to the cup.

"Yeah, I know," said Tatiana and the girls giggled, "He is nice too."

"Oh really?" asked Alicia happily.

"Yeah, he always does nice things for me and looks after me really well," said Tatiana. Severus wondered why she hadn't said anything about what he really was to her.

"I see," said Alicia with intrigue.

"Yeah he is very kind hearted you know?" came Tatiana's voice through the cup.

"What does he do for you Tatsi?" she asked with growing intrigue.

"Oh, just very nice and sweet things," said Tatiana.

"Really?" said Alicia, her voice sagging with anger, "does he also like giving you wonderful and nice things like bruises and bleeding hickeys?"


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11**_

She knew…how did she know? Severus sat stunned. She had seen the bruise. But it wasn't visible really and he had only seen in because he knew it was there. It was very faint. Tatiana looked at her sister with fear and apprehension. Was that a joke?

"I don't know what you mean Allie," said Tatiana nervously.

"Really?" said Alicia with sarcasm sagging in her voice.

"No, I really don't," said Tatiana firmly, "so what is new at home?"

"Oh what's new at home is that yesterday, I was sitting at home when I got a letter from McGonagall about you. She told me something was up with you and I should get my ass over here and see what was wrong," said Alicia.

"Well, be assured Allie nothing's wrong," said Tatiana happily.

"Nothing wrong, I see," said Alicia casually.

"Yeah see, I am totally fine. Everything here it as it should be," said Tatiana.

"And you should be getting battered by some pretentious idiot who probably treats you like shit under his shoes. I see how everything is fine," said Alicia calmly.

"No, no Severus isn't like that at all," said Tatiana with a fluttery laugh.

"Do you really think I am that much of an idiot Tatsi?" said Alicia coldly.

"I didn't say that Allie," said Tatiana worriedly.

"Then don't treat me like one," said Alicia sharply, "let me tell you something. No one knows you better than I do, and you would do well to remember that."

"I know Allie but what you're saying isn't true," said Tatiana quickly.

"Give up the game Tatiana," she said sharply, "I don't even know why you're protecting him. I don't see it and it's just not you to protect someone like him."

"I have to," said Tatiana gloomily.

"Why?" asked Alicia incredulously, and Severus pulled out his bottle of firewhiskey. This was going to be a long, miserable night.

"You don't understand my position Allie," said Tatiana anxiously, "I have to make things work with Severus or my mother said she'll leave my father."

"Then don't make them work," said Alicia quickly, "and you can be rid of the bitch too. I mean it's like getting two birds with one stone isn't it?"

"I wish I could," said Tatiana miserably, "but my father would lose his reputation."

"Yeah," said Alicia, "it's bad when your wife leaves you. Why can't he leave her?"

"I don't know. I never ask him," she said.

"So how did this happen to you?" asked Alicia nervously.

Tatiana told her the truth. The whole truth and Severus knew it was the truth. It was the mark of how close the sisters were that she told her all the gory details of that night.

"So all you've been doing is taking all this?" asked Alicia indignantly.

"You know I have to Allie," said Tatiana dismally, "I have to be prepared to take a lot more than just this when I'm married you know." Severus took a long swig of the booze.

"No, you can say something Tatsi, and you can tell him you'll leave him or something."

"He wants me to leave him anyway," said Tatiana, "but leaving him means my father's reputations down the drain all over again."

"This other boy, why don't they let you marry him?" asked Alicia.

"Mother thinks their family has too many blood traitors and they have lost their reputation. She thinks I should marry only Severus," said Tatiana.

"I hate your fucking mother," said Alicia angrily.

"I know," said Tatiana, "but if this is what I am meant to do, then I will have to do it."

"Why don't you break up with that other boy then?" asked Alicia. Severus took another swig and thought, _yes why don't you break up with that swine?_

"We have been together for two years now," said Tatiana, "I don't know how to break up with him. I keep hoping he'll do it. I know I should, but he keeps giving me second thoughts you know?"

"You have to Tatiana," said Alicia, "you aren't marrying him and it angers Severus."

"He has been nicer to me than most people ever have Allie," said Tatiana sadly, "do you know what its like to break the one you love's heart?"

"Its painful Tatsi," said Alicia, "but you know what else is painful? Big bruises on your face and bleeding vampire bites on your neck."

"Severus didn't mean to do it so hard," said Tatiana, "I'm just too sensitive."

"Well, all I'm saying is you have to face reality sometime. Better sooner than later. This boy isn't your future husband Tatiana, and that means that no matter how much it kills you, you can't be together. Severus on the other hand is, and no matter how much you hate him for doing this to you, you have to make it work," said Alicia firmly.

"Can't I make him break up with me though?" said Tatiana desperately.

"Yeah, if it makes you feel better," said Alicia.

"I can't believe I am having to do all of this," said Tatiana.

"You're too young to marry anyway sweetheart," said Alicia, "look at me, I'm twenty-two this year and I am not getting married for a few years at least."

"I wish I could do that," said Tatiana, "that's why my dear mother hates you. She says you're getting old and no one will marry you now."

Alicia laughed heartily and said, "That old bag needs something up her –

"She needs to die a long painful death," said Tatiana bitterly.

"What was she like this time?" asked Alicia, "the same old wretched bat?"

"Yeah, but a lot worse," said Tatiana, "I got drunk in front of her to tick her off."

"Good idea," said Alicia, "I think I should turn up to your house drunk too."

"Yeah," said Tatiana, "she'd love you even more then."

"I'll bet," said Alicia, "so any other ideas on how to set this guy right Tatsi?"

"I don't know," said Tatiana, "but I am still stuck with this nonsense Allie."

"Okay," said Alicia, "I'm going to give you a few pointers and you listen to me right?"

"Fine," said Tatiana. Severus listened harder.

"I know you can't forgive Severus easily, but if he apologizes, just do it. It's hard for men to do it all right? And if he doesn't, well, time heals the deepest wounds," she said.

"Yeah," said Tatiana, surprising Severus as he continued to listen.

"Then, if you do start becoming normal again, don't treat him with indifference. If there's one thing a guy hates, it is not being noticed," said Alicia wisely, "then, the most important thing. If he ever and I swear to god Tatiana, if he ever does anything to you then you don't want him to do, tell me. Don't let him touch you." Severus took another hearty swig.

"I don't think he'll do that Allie," said Tatiana hopefully, "he doesn't like me."

"That's exactly why there's a chance Tatiana," said Alicia warningly.

"Fine. I promise to tell you," she said honestly.

"If you do patch up, which I know you will, you can do one more thing," said Alicia.

"What is that?" asked Tatiana inquisitively.

"See, I think personally that the reason he did this to you was because he was angry, not because he is genuinely a brute. I think he's angry because you keep taking off with that other guy. So when that's all over and you and Severus become close," she smiled, "a little physical intimacy never hurt anyone." Severus choked on a big gulp and Tatiana on her saliva.

"N-no," said Tatiana, "he hates me Alicia. I'm telling you, he really hates me."

"I don't think he does," said Alicia casually, "so, don't be afraid of it right?"

"Yeah no chance of that happening," said Tatiana.

"We'll see," said Alicia casually.

"So tell me more about work and home and stuff," said Tatiana.

The girls talked about things for a while and Severus put his hand over his head in frustration. Why couldn't she end this nonsense with Regulus? It was her; she was ruining this for him and for himself. He knew he would apologize for injuring her, but she would have to break up with Regulus in order for Severus to actually have a little respect for her. He heard the girls wrapping up their conversation and a minute later he heard a knock on his door.

"Severus, Alicia is leaving," said Tatiana when he opened the door.

Severus went out and saw the girl exchanging a few last sentences with Tatiana.

"Going already?" asked Severus.

"Yeah, I think I should be back at work now," she said smiling at him, "I hope it goes well for the both of you Severus, and if you ever need anything just write okay?"

"Uh, thanks," said Severus a little surprised.

"Well, you are going to be my brother in law," she said sensing his surprise.

She hugged Tatiana, shook hands with Severus and left through Floo Powder in their fire. She was gone in a flash of green flames and Tatiana's heart sank. Tatiana went back to her room and Severus to his own. He pondered how he should go about doing what he had to do, and he decided he should get it over with.

He went and knocked at her door.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12**_

Tatiana opened the door and saw Severus standing there. She waited for him to say something, but he didn't.

"Um, hi," she said quietly.

"Tatiana, uh, I wanted to talk to you, about something," he said.

"Yeah? Okay," she said, "do you want to talk out here?"

He nodded. She walked out and followed him to the fire. She looked at him and realized that even though his face was expressionless, he was nervous.

"Yeah?" she prompted him again.

"Um, yeah so…I mean I don't know what to do here," Tatiana smiled a little. She knew what he was doing and he went on, "so I uh, yeah I, you know," Lily made him do this, she realized.

"I know what?" she asked, feigning confusion, "I don't understand Severus?"

"I know you understand," he snapped, "come on you know what I'm saying –

"Say it," she hissed.

"Oh alright, god you're irritating" he said grouchily, "I'm sorry okay?"

She smiled, "Yeah, okay."

"Really?" he asked surprised it was so easy to be forgiven

"Yeah, its okay Severus," she said softly.

"But I'm not sorry for getting angry at you," he said irritably.

"Why not?" she asked indignantly, "you stole my letters too!"

"You're cheating on me, still!" he said loudly, "so that was your fault."

"Tell me something Severus," she said crossly, "you don't even like me. You told me you don't care about me. Why do you care if I am with Regulus?"

"Because you are my fiancé," he said angrily, "does that mean shit to you?"

"No," she said quickly, "but you yourself said you wanted nothing to do with me, so I assumed you didn't care if I was with someone else."

"That was a stupid thing to assume," he said coldly.

"I didn't assume anything Severus," she said indignantly, "you said it yourself that all I had to do was stay out of your way and you didn't care bout me at all."

"I didn't say that," he said bristled, "don't make up shit. I said stay out of my way and I didn't care about anything you'd do then."

"Same thing," she said simply.

"Not the same fucking thing," he said prickled, "don't put words in my mouth."

"Yeah sure," she said coldly.

"You don't understand anything I say," he said hopelessly.

"No I don't," she said, "You have a funny way of saying things." She pointed to the bruise on her face and he felt guilty again.

"Let me get rid of that," he said meaning the bruise on her face.

"Oh, so now you care?" she said angrily.

"I apologized!" he said furiously.

"Fine," she said sighing, "Just be gentle, it hurts a lot." She glared at him.

"You're weak," he said pulling out his wand and pressing it to her cheek.

"I am not weak Severus," she said angrily, "you're just rough –

"Sure, sure," he said poking the wand at her cheek.

She winced when he touched the bruise, "are you planning on giving me another?"

"Yeah, if you don't shut up," he said irately and he doing something to it. It felt warm and the pain was going within seconds. He ran the wand down to her neck and even the marks disappeared and stopped hurting.

"Thanks," she said resentfully.

"Yeah," he said, "now you don't look like shit anymore."

She rolled her eyes, said goodnight and went back into her room. Tatiana sighed when she closed the door. That was strange, she thought. He had never done that before but it was good.

The next few days were thankfully easier on Tatiana that the past week or two had been. Lily was surprised that Severus even apologized but she was happy that he was being nicer to Tatiana than he had been before. Tatiana tried to stay away from Regulus to keep Severus' anger away. He was mean. That was the way he was and there was nothing she could do to change that. He still made snide remarks and hurtful comments, but she realized it was his way of making conversation. Lily was talking to Severus again thankfully, because Tatiana didn't want them to not be friends because of her. Severus and Tatiana did fight daily. It was guaranteed that he would find something to crib about and she would be mean to him. But they did get over it by the morning and act like nothing had happened. She didn't mind that he got angry at her, because it was the way he was. There are things about people that can never change. He even hugged her goodnight one night, which made her blush furiously.

I should take a hot bath, she thought, I'm feeling too restless to sleep anyway, it's too cold. She took off her clothes and looked at the clock. It was nearing midnight. She put on a towel. She opened the door and walked out to the bathroom. The water was hot, she thought sinking into it. She sat there for a while and then decided she ought to go and sleep now.

She put on her towel again and stepped back into her own room. The only light was from a lamp. It was really very dark in the room, and it was quite late, she thought. Oops, this towel is falling, and she turned around and took it off. She shook it to put it on again and –

"I don't think you want to do that," said a voice from the darkness. Tatiana didn't turn, she was completely naked and she gasped loudly, dropping the towel on the floor.

"Shit," she swore, not knowing how to pick it up now, "Severus what the hell are you doing there, can't you see I'm completely naked." She was drenched and naked.

"Oh, I can see that," he said, and she sensed the amusement in his voice, "do you want me to close my eyes while you get to picking up that towel. I promise I will."

"I don't trust you," she said worriedly, "how do I know you're not looking?"

"Fine," he said, "I'll come there then, so you can see my close my eyes." Before she could say anything, he got up and walked up to her. "No Severus -" she managed to blurt out but he didn't reply. She still had her back turned and she had a horrible feeling he was right behind her. He was. She didn't turn around, because she was naked. She felt his hand come up next to her and he was clutching something. She looked down and saw it was his shirt.

"Severus! God, shut your eyes!" she said angrily. She felt him turn around the other way and in one swift movement she put on the shirt and picked up the towel.

"Why would you want to be naked h, at night, sopping wet?" he asked snidely.

"I didn't know you'd be there," she said tapping him to signal she was decent.

He looked at her and smirked. The shirt was much, much too big for her. The first button started way below her breasts and he could almost see her stomach. It was way too long too, and reached till her knees. Tatiana was wet and the shirt was transparent. Severus decided not to tell her that tiny detail as she lifted her arms to put the towel on her wet hair.

"Severus, what are you looking at?" she asked him indignantly, "and why were you sitting in my room? Why aren't you in your own room anyway?"

It took him a second to answer. He pulled his eyes off the soaking shirt and said, "Oh, yeah, I couldn't sleep so I came by to see what you were doing."

She looked at him suspiciously and said, "Anyway, thanks for the shirt. Sorry about this, I didn't mean to. I think I should go and sleep now, I'm tired. Well, goodnight then."

She turned and Severus grasped her hand, _now what_, she thought nervously. He pulled her back, still holding her hand. _I_ _have a bad feeling about this_, she thought, when he didn't let go. She gasped and he slipped his other hand around her waist.

Tatiana began, "Severus what –

"Oh come on," he whispered in her ear, pulling her closer to him so that she could feel his bare chest against hers and hands still holding her. She knew exactly why he had come…

He twisted a strand of her hair in his hand and put his face down near hers. He kissed her softly, tenderly and held her close to himself. She kissed him back and he brought his hand up to her back pulling her closer. He deepened the kiss and she responded.

She pulled away, shocked and said, "I think you should, uh, should, um, should –

"Should get on that chair right now," he said determinedly. She tried to say something but he put a finger to her lips, showing that she had nowhere else to be tonight.

He put his arms around her again and pulled her onto the chair next to the lamp. He sat down and dragged her onto his lap. He put her legs on either side of his, so that she was practically straddling him. She knew this was wrong, but why was it, she thought. Alicia told her some physical intimacy might help them. She had stopped thinking anyway as he kissed her neck, her shoulders and between her breasts. She pulled away when he did that and he smirked, kissing her lips again. He ran his hands over her bare legs and kissed her passionately. She couldn't resist this. He was much too powerful and compelling, and it was as if every kiss, every touch was the most sensual thing she had ever felt before.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13**_

Tatiana woke up next morning feeling very, very awkward. Had she really done what she thought she did last night? She had spent nearly an hour, almost completely naked on Severus' lap while they kissed like there was no tomorrow. She was embarrassed. Not only of their kissing, but because he had seen her naked, partially. She had worn his shirt, the one she was still wearing, and she had sat on his lap. Technically, he had felt her naked too. It was as awkward as she thought it would have been. She woke up and went to the bathroom and when she came out he was coming out of his own. She smiled at him, but he came over to her and pressed himself up against her again. He kissed her gently, playing with her wet hair again. God, why was he so persuasive?

Tatiana had potions with him first thing in the morning. They went down to their class together. Severus was still his mean self, but he was also savagely sexy, she thought. Class started and they were back to normal in an instant. She would ask him for help, and he would tell her she was an imbecile. She would call him a pushy dark cloud of unhappiness and he would retort by saying that's because she was around.

"I have to go see Lily near the lake," she said as he put his books back.

"Sure," he said casually, "wait, I'm going that way. I'll leave you there."

He walked with her down to the lake and when he saw Lily in the distance waiting for Tatiana, he bent down and kissed her again. The same kiss he kissed her last night. She smiled at him and went off to Lily whose eyes were as wide as galleons.

"Did he just –

Tatiana nodded and Lily gave her a sly smile, "I see you two have been busy."

"Oh, not really," said Tatiana shyly, "he just kissed me last night."

"I need the whole story," said Lily sharply and Tatiana, very embarrassed, told her.

"That's a really dirty story," said Lily giggling at her friend's embarrassment, "but it's really, really, really cute. I didn't think Severus was such a perv."

"Oh, he really is," said Tatiana remembering him kissing her cleavage last night. They chatted about what happened the previous night and then when they heard the bell ring, they went to their separate classes. Tatiana had Severus in her class again with defense against the dark arts.

"I bet you told Evans every little detail," he hissed when she sat with him.

"Yeah," said Tatiana simply, "but she forced it out of me."

"She's never going to let me live this one down," said Severus angrily.

"Me neither," said Tatiana, sighing at how Lily made fun of her being close to naked in front of Severus and how she had sat on his lap, naked and he had pressed himself up against her. After a long two hours, the day was finally over and Tatiana was tired and irritable. She walked back to her room and found Severus wasn't there. She felt guilty. She had avoided Regulus all day, but she was sure he had seen her kiss Severus. She was tired, very, very tired. So she went and fell asleep in a few minutes. She was sure she had been asleep at least a few hours when she heard voices in the common room. She woke up, alert and pulled her wand out. She opened her door only slightly, without the faintest hint of a sound. She could only see the tiniest sliver of the room outside

Severus was sitting by the fire, looking into the face of Lucius Malfoy, whose face was in the fire. They were having a heated conversation. Lucius seemed a little angry and Severus a little worried.

"– listen to me Severus, we have had this conversation many times before."

"I know Lucius," he said tersely, "but understand my position. I'm getting married in a few months and I can't get into this without the prospect of winding up dead the next day."

"That's not going to happen," snapped Lucius, "besides I'm there to protect you."

"Lucius," said Severus tensely again, "you can't protect me from him. No one can. Once he decides its over, it is. You know that."

"That is why you have to do this," said Lucius, "you don't know what's going to happen the next few years Severus. Things are going to change and you can't afford to be on the wrong side of change."

"Lucius suppose his plan doesn't work the way he wants it to?" he asked nervously.

"There is no way that is going to happen and you know it," said Lucius, "you have seen what he can do Severus and you know there is no stopping him. Ever."

"He is very powerful Lucius," said Severus impatiently, "I have seen that and so have you, but the powerful make powerful mistakes."

"That is a risk we all took Severus, the day we pledged our allegiance to him, didn't we?" said Lucius calmly.

"Lucius, the dark lord –

Tatiana's eyes widened and her heart quickened.

"– the dark lord is more powerful than any of us will ever be, but this risk we are taking might be too great," said Severus.

"No, I don't think so," said Lucius thoughtfully, "if we don't do something now, and we don't support him, we might be stuck in this system forever. He is the only one who can do anything because he is the only one with the power to do it. We have to support him or his power is meaningless and so is this fight."

"What do you want me to do Lucius?" said Severus.

"I want you to make sure that you read every letter I send you carefully and don't ignore a single thing I tell you," said Lucius firmly.

"Yes," said Severus, "but I need clear instructions Lucius, not that fucking garbage you usually dish out to me like I'm some sort of mind reader."

"Alright, alright," hissed Lucius, "I'll keep you well informed, but it's hard to tell you stuff being the asshole you are. You'd rather talk than listen."

"Fine I'll shut up," said Severus, "but when it comes to the dark lord Lucius, you had better have me well prepared or I am going to make life hell for you."

"I'll whoop your ass Severus," said Lucius, "and listen, we have to meet soon, in person and not through a fucking fire right?"

"Yeah sure," said Severus, "we have that Hogsmeade weekend thing soon, so make time then alright?"

"When is this thing, your weekend thing?" asked Lucius.

"This weekend," said Severus after thinking for a moment, "but I'll confirm."

"Bring her," said Lucius smiling.

"Yeah whatever," said Severus casually.

"And don't forget to get some parchment and money," said Lucius sharply.

"I'm not getting money," said Severus, "you're supposed to pay for me aren't you?"

"Spoiled son of a bitch," said Lucius smirking, "I knew you were going to say that."

"Fine," said Lucius, "and keep Tatiana," she jumped when she heard her name, "out of this for a while at least. If you do decide to tell her, make sure she doesn't spill."

"Yeah fine," he said hurriedly.

"How are things with her?" asked Lucius, "good?"

"Yeah, pretty good," said Severus trying to avoid the subject.

"Getting used to it yet?" asked Lucius smiling.

"Yeah, trying to," said Severus, "but she's okay. Not much of a bother."

"Good, good," he said smirking again, "I didn't mean the bother bit."

"Then what Lucius?" snapped Severus. He knew exactly what he meant.

"Aren't you two getting up to anything at all?" asked Lucius surprised.

"Not much," said Severus smirking.

"I thought living together might have done something," said Lucius.

"Yeah well, just a bit, but not much," said Severus casually.

"So you two don't fuck?" asked Lucius. Tatiana rolled her eyes behind the door.

"God Lucius," said Severus, "when are you going to grow up?"

"When you two get some," said Lucius, "god Severus, get in there and do her."

"Yeah, yeah whatever," said Severus.

"Fine, I'll stay out of this," said Lucius, "but remember this weekend then."

"Yeah," said Severus and the head vanished from the fire. Tatiana quietly went back to her bed and lay down again. A minute she heard the door open and Severus came in. She pretended to be asleep and he sat down next to her. he ran his hand over her face and her eyes snapped open. He kissed her. He knew, she had a horrible feeling he knew.

"Tatiana, come with me to Hogsmeade next weekend," he said softly.

She nodded and pretended to be very sleepy. He kissed her again and left closing the door softly as he left. Her eyes snapped open again and there was cold dread running in her. Was he a death eater? She knew he was interested in things like that, but she had never known he was so deeply rooted in it. Lucius was and hence Severus definitely was. She didn't know what to think now. Was she going to be married to a death eater?


	14. Chapter 14

_**Chapter 14**_

The weekend came faster than she had wanted it to. Severus had been completely normal with Tatiana not giving her any idea that he had known she had heard his conversation. He wasn't angry with her. He was just annoyed at her nosiness. He knew that Lucius was going to tell her everything anyway. Severus didn't care about what she heard, but he was more worried about what she could possibly hear in the future.

"We are meeting Lucius?" she asked him nervously.

"At Hogsmeade yes," he said, "Let's go then." They walked to Hogsmeade and it was still quite cold so Tatiana had bundled up in a knee length overcoat. Severus made fun of her saying she looked like she had shrunk in it.

"Where do you want to go?" she asked him when they reached the first shops.

"How bout Rosemerta's?" he asked and she nodded. They reached the familiar shop but before they could go inside Severus pulled her back and put his arms around her again. She put her arms around his neck and he pressed a passionate kiss on her ravenous lips. His kisses were hungry, demanding and irresistible.

"God Severus," she gasped as he put his hands inside her overcoat and kissed her. He didn't even seem to be listening. This is really good, she thought, when he went on and on –

"I see you took my advice Severus," said a voice from right behind them. Severus jumped and so did Tatiana. It was Lucius Malfoy, smirking at the pair.

"Oh Lucius," said Severus, "I daresay you know Tatiana."

"Don't I?" he said taking her hand and kissing it, she shivered when he pressed his lips lightly against it, "It is hard to miss a beautiful girl like her isn't it?"

"Lucius," said Severus, "why don't you join us for a drink then?"

"Yes," said Lucius taking Tatiana's arm, "I would love to chat with this lovely lady."

Severus led the way and found a nice table in the corner. He called Rosemerta so that they could order their drinks. Lucius immediately plunged into a conversation with Tatiana.

"So Tatiana, Severus tells me a lot about you," he said looking at her, "he seems to be quite taken with you. Your beauty, he says especially. He can't get over it," he laughed.

Tatiana blushed and said, "Well, we are getting used to each other now."

Severus decided it was time to save her and said, "So Lucius how are you?"

"Severus wants to distract me from you," said Lucius smirking, "oh very well then Severus. Things are good and work is going well. Narcissa is getting angry now."

"Working too hard Lucius?" asked Severus.

"She doesn't like me staying out too late," said Lucius, "but I have to."

They chatted for a while and it was pleasant actually. Tatiana liked Lucius, even though he would insist on making fun of her and Severus and make them feel uncomfortable. He explained how Severus had come to live with them for the past five years and how they were very close. Tatiana admired how handsome he was, but his wife matched his good looks. Tatiana left for a while to go to the ladies room and the men were left to talk alone. Lucius handed Severus a letter, which he stowed away carefully.

"Just remember Severus," said Lucius, "do as I say and there won't be a problem."

Tatiana came back in time for them to resume friendly conversation again for a while. Lucius decided to leave a little while later saying he had to be back at work. He patted Severus on the back, kissed Tatiana again and left. Tatiana and Severus sat in the bar for a while.

"Do you like him?" he asked her. Tatiana looked up from her glass of mead.

"Yes," she said, "he is a kind man."

"He seems to like you a lot," said Severus smirking.

"That's good then," she said.

They talked for a while and decided to go back to Hogwarts because it was starting to get cloudy. It was breezy, cold and miserable as they rushed back to the warmth of the castle. Severus didn't notice it, but Tatiana had seen the letter Lucius had given him. Severus knew that she had heard his conversation with Lucius in the fire, but he had no idea she knew about this too. Tatiana was burning with curiosity. As was generally usual, they fought all the way back to Hogwarts about unrelated issues ranging from Regulus to school work to how Severus was a mean person to how Tatiana was an ignorant wretch.

They reached back in one piece though, wet and miserable and glaring at each other. This was how life was though, thought Tatiana sighing as they went up to their dorm. She didn't really care though. All she had to do was read that letter. She had to know for sure.

The opportunity came to her later, in the late afternoon. Severus muttered something about going to see Abraxas and Lestrange, and she nodded indifferently. As soon as he was gone, she went into his room and looked around. She didn't even have to search much, because it was lying right in front of her eyes and thankfully, already opened. She reached out and took it. It was a letter, written in curly, neat handwriting and signed by Lucius. It read –

_Severus,_

_It is time for you to do what was meant to be done eons ago. It is time for you to be a man and face up to certain realities you cannot escape. The dark lord is recruiting now, and he will needed the strongest and best on his side. I have assured him help in this matter._

_You are renowned for your brilliance among my allies and they wish me to help you take the right stand. He is the only one who will reign now Severus and your skills are very useful to him. He will be eternally thankful to you for your loyalty. If there is one thing about the dark lord I have learned, he is very respectful of loyalty. He is forgiving to the loyal, brutal to the weak. He believes the greatest sign of weakness is disloyalty. Make him proud Severus._

_I have told him about you and he wishes to meet with you as soon as possible. I must say he was very impressed with you and promises to make it all worth it. He has also given his congratulations on your upcoming wedding and hopes you will be happy for a lifetime. He wishes to meet you in the following month to be able to determine your strength of character and the kind of help you will be able to provide him with._

_You must remember a few things Severus. Respect. The great need respect and it is their right to get it. You must be very, very respectful, or suffer his wrath. Secondly, honesty. You are not an accomplished occlumens, so honesty is a must. Do not lie to him. Ever. He will know. Then, do not mention names Severus. I have already told him that you have no family. He might ask you, but say that they are not family to you. He may want to know about Tatiana, but don't tell him her real name. _

_You must sit down and figure out the ways you could help him in Severus. Here, a first impression is everything. You have to blow him away with your skills and your determination. I have spoken to him about you, so you have no reason to really worry about anything. All you need to do is be on your best behavior and nothing will go wrong._

_I will write again soon,_

_Give my love to Tatiana,_

_Lucius Malfoy_

Tatiana sighed. It was what she had expected after that conversation he overheard.

"What are you doing?" came a cold voice from behind her.

She turned around and saw Severus looking at her dangerously. He was angry.

"So, you think you can stroll in here and read my personal letters?" he said coldly.

"I didn't stroll in here –

"I don't care what you did," he snapped, "I thought you were a little nosy, that was the biggest understatement of the year."

"And why shouldn't I be?" she snapped, bristling, "you seem to be keeping enough secrets lying around for me to stumble on –

"Stumble? Stumble on?" he said coldly, "I don't see how you stumbled on anything. You came in here deliberately, and went through my personal items."

"I did not go through anything," she said quickly, "I came in here to look for you –

"One knock without an answer would have done just as well."

"Why am I the one at fault here?" she said angrily.

"Because you came in here lording it over –

"I did not lord it over –

"Then what gave you the right to come –

"God Severus, it's like I'm the one getting letter from death eaters –

"Shut up," he said dangerously.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

She shut up, but she was satisfied with how she had shaken him. She knew by now that he knew about her sneaking and hearing his conversation with Lucius, but she was ready.

"I thought your little overhearing escapade was enough for you," said Severus coldly, "but it seems like you wanted more to dig into –

"Oh, so suddenly, my snooping is the problem. What other problems with me would you like to highlight? Just like you do everyday isn't it?"

"Lets see," said Severus frostily, "you are a cheap whore who thinks its fun to toy with two different people at once and did I mention you go through my –

"Don't call me names Severus," she said calmly. She was going to burst any second.

"I will call you what I like," he said bristling, "its true and you know it. Do you really think I don't know about all your cheating?"

"You don't even want me –

"That true," he said, "after this, I really don't want you."

"I don't care Severus," she said angrily, "but I do care about what this is –

"What is this then?" he said coldly, "let me hear what would you and your perfect little friends call this?"

"At least they don't go around killing innocent people –

"Innocent people? Oh spare me the miss universe speech –

"Your lot," she said shaking with anger, "I know about all of you. I know how you like ruining people's lives and destroying families –

"You have a very wild imagination," he spat, "you and your cronies."

"What do you mean by that?" she asked him coldly.

Severus was starting to get really angry now. He grabbed hold of her arm and clutched it painfully beneath her elbow. She winced when he pressed harder. He said, "What do I mean by that?" he asked incredulously, "Are you really that thick? I mean you and your hypocritical buddies. Oh, how sad these brutal killers are destroying people's lives! Well, I'll just get back to destroying my marriage then."

"We aren't even married," she said loudly, shaking with rage now.

"But we will be," he hissed, grabbing harder, "and it's too bad that I'm marrying a blood-traitor bitch in her element who thinks its right to fuck around with other guys."

"I said don't call me names, I hear enough of them at home," she said heatedly.

"See, that's where you go wrong," he said, "what makes you think I give a shit about what you want me to do or not? What makes you think I give a shit about you?"

"I just said don't call me names," she spat. The pain was worsening in her arm.

"No, let me set you right once and for all," he said in a deadly voice barely over a whisper, "you are going to be married to me. I am not some soppy pushover like the rest of your casual fucks. I am not taking nonsense from any arrogant, hypocritical slut who thinks it's her divine right to make assumptions and judgments based on nothing."

The pain was unbearable on her arm. She wasn't going to say anything. Let him hurt me, she thought, let him do what he wants. I won't fight. The skin around where he was clutching her had turned a deathly white-gray color and it felt like her arm was dying, if it wasn't for the pain making its way up her arm like a knife slicing her veins one by one by –

"Did you hear me?" he hissed. Why was everything growing darker?

"Hit me," she said softly, trying to ignore the smoldering pain in her arm.

"Oh, I will if you don't shut your goddamned mouth –

"Then do it," she said unflinchingly "because that isn't happening soon."

"You'll regret that you arrogant wench -

But he didn't even have time to react. She jerked her arm out of his steel grip and fell to the floor. He tried to stop her wrenching her arm away, but it caused worse damage. The knob on his watch sliced her arm as she fell and it began to bleed profusely. She didn't gasp or do anything. Tatiana was slowly blacking out as she gripped her arm to her chest, the blood staining her white blouse. Severus tried to do something but she had curled herself into a ball and was clutching her arm as it she had been shot badly. It was getting darker, and darker and pain was getting worse every moment. Her shirt was covered in blood, in ruby red blood.

"Tatiana, are you -

But she didn't answer. She didn't cry. He saw her face and it was pale and vacant. He tried to stop her when she got up, but she avoided him and went back into her room. She locked it and sat, waiting, and dying in that dull piecing pain in her arm and in her heart…

Severus didn't even know what had just happened. It had happened all too fast for him to take in…

Tatiana had run into her room, a ruby-red spot on her shirt and bruises down her arm. He didn't know he had hurt her that much…he only wanted to shake her up a bit, not to injure her the way she was. He waited outside her room and pressed his ear against the door to hear what was happening. There were no sounds.

He closed his eyes and let the anger leave him. It was too much, what he had done to her. He never should have injured her like that. But in all fairness, she hadn't even made a sound as he gripped her arm mercilessly. How could she have taken all the pain without even flinching the slightest? He knew she wasn't that strong. At least, she didn't look that strong. He really had no idea how these things happened.

He decided she wasn't going to come out of the room, so he went back to his. He opened the door and went straight for his bed. He lay back, thinking. She was so horribly unpredictable, he thought angrily. One moment, she was all over him and the next, she was going through his private letters. He had done the same to her, but in all fairness, he had apologized for that and it wasn't to be considered at all. She had gone through the letter Lucius had given him and overheard their conversation. Why was she so upset then if he gave her what she deserved? But this isn't what she deserved, said a voice inside his head, she didn't deserve to have her arm butchered and her spirit broken by you now did she? Who gave you the right to do that to her?

Tatiana had done the same thing Severus had. She got into bed after wiping the blood clean off her wound and wrapping a cloth over it. She couldn't do anything about it because she didn't know how to. She didn't know how to mend cuts or to get rid of bruises. The best she could do was take a painkiller and get into bed. This day wasn't going too well she thought drearily closing her eyes. The pain was horrible in her arm. It was as if there was a knife plunged in there.

"Why does he do this to me?" she whispered to herself, weak in the pain.

It's probably because he feels nothing for me anyway, she thought miserably. Then what had that been? That night when he did tell her he felt something for her. Was he actually such a good liar, that he could flawlessly pretend to like her, and then go back to his old ways the next moment? She couldn't believe it, but she knew it was really possible. She had actually started to like him a little.

God, she felt good, he thought dismally, propped up against the pillows and an unread magazine in his hands. He could never forget that night after she came out of the shower. He smirked to himself, thinking about how embarrassed she had been then. The way she casually pulled off the towel thinking no one was there and the way she jumped when she heard his voice, dropping the towel. He hadn't seen her naked, even though she thought he had. He had only seen her silhouette in the firelight, but even that had been the most beautiful thing he's ever laid his eyes on before. Just before all this had happened, he had even hoped that perhaps, if he did things right, she might even sleep with him. No hope now, he thought. It wasn't as if he only wanted her for the sex, but he did want it for sure.

He wasn't very experienced. He had had sex only twice before, which was okay because he was only seventeen anyway. He really didn't care much because he had done it for pleasure only and didn't care at all about the girls he had slept with. They felt the same way so he left it at that and nothing ever became of it. It wasn't as if he had hooked up with some silly ugly girls either. They were good looking but he never really felt anything at all for them. He didn't desire them like he desired Tatiana. There was nothing he wanted more in this world than to seduce her. It was the most difficult thing right now anyway. He had always wanted her, even before she knew him and before they had been informed they were to be married. But then he had wanted her like any other guy, only for sex and nothing else really. But they were getting along quite well and he actually liked her a lot. In fact, most of the time, he could think of other things he liked about her other than her good looks.

Even the little taste she had given him that night of all the things she could really give him was enough. Never was there another whom he wanted so very badly. But he was easily angered and she made it harder for him. It just was very easy to be angry with her because she did stupid things like go through his private letters, he thought scathingly. But still, no one had ever kissed him the way she had, with so much passion and so much emotion. He had never met anyone with the potential to drive him crazy like this either.

And that one person was groggy with the pain he had caused her tonight.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16**_

Strike two he thought next morning, when he came out of his room. Tatiana came out of the shower that moment and he ignored her. She did the same, but he noticed the deep channel his watch had dug into her soft, light brown arm. He also saw the very prominent purple-blue outline of his own fingers on that arm. The cut was still raw and bleeding a little.

Tatiana didn't care. She had grown to understand pain for seventeen years and this was nothing new to her. she liked physical pain. It distracted her from the real pain, which was in her heart. She was glad that this time, no one would see her bruises. She put on her clothes, making sure she wore full sleeves and looked appropriately normal. She walked out of her room and out of the main door. She stopped and practiced her smile for a moment.

She was a brilliant actress today, and no one noticed that there was something wrong with her. Thankfully, it was her left arm that was injured, so she wouldn't even have trouble writing. This day was going just perfectly, she thought bitterly. She went for lunch with Lily and the rest of her friends, laughing and talking like she usually did, keeping her deep, dark secrets to her self like she usually did too. But the test she failed was the eating one. it was typical of Tatiana, and when she was distressed, she would not eat.

"Tatsi, why aren't you eating?" asked Alice worriedly and Lily looked over to her.

"You won't believe this, but I went to the nurse yesterday and she told me that I ate something bad at Hogsmeade, so I have to have a liquid diet for a few days," she said.

"Are you sure there isn't anything else going on?" asked Lily concernedly.

"Evans, come on," said Tatiana, "you know I've told you everything, always."

Lily sighed, "I don't trust you so much on that anymore Tatsi."

"Don't say that," said Tatiana, "I promise nothing is the matter."

They looked sufficiently convinced. Perfect Tatiana, perfect. That was really good. Tatiana tried to eat dinner later that evening, but it was the same ting. She put it in her mouth, and she felt that hollow, sick feeling inside her again, penetrating her senses. She knew if she ate even a little more, she would be sick. Violently sick.

Severus didn't bother apologizing to her because he thought he was right. He had convinced himself that it was all her fault. Why couldn't she have told him he was hurting her? He didn't know he was. The cut on her arm was an accident, and he stood by that for sure. He had every right to be angry with her. She was ruining this marriage before it had even happened and it was automatically his fault? He refused to take that. Tatiana would not give him a guilty conscience willingly either. She had had enough of him. It was two days now. Their original status stood. There were no voices heard in their dorm. Tatiana had forced herself to eat a little bit at every meal, but she still couldn't stomach more than half a toast. Still, it kept her from dying. It wasn't as if she was starving herself, and it was more that if she ate, she would be sick. She would be sick because she felt that if Severus were intent on giving her pain, she would help him out a little bit. Maybe she did deserve all this pain and maybe Severus was right all along and she needed to put herself through pain for him.

Severus was coming back from dinner when he heard the rustle of an owl near him. He stopped and a barn owl came and sat on his outstretched arm. It stuck its leg out and Severus unwrapped the letter on it. This wasn't Lucius' owl, he thought curiously as he let the owl go. He clutched the letter in his hand and stowed it away. Tatiana was in her room when he came in and it seemed she had locked up. As usual, he thought spitefully as he went into his own.

He opened the letter and found it was a handwriting he didn't recognize at all. He looked at the addressee's name and his eyes narrowed. It was Tatiana's mothers. Why would she write to me? Did she know about what happened? Maybe Tatiana told her. It read –

_Dear Severus,_

_I am Tatiana's mother, Margaret. We have never met before so I thought it would be good if I wrote to you, my future son-in-law. I hope that living conditions are working out for you and your needs are met with satisfaction. You may be wondering why I am writing to you suddenly and what this means. I assure you, it is a gesture from my side to make sure you are in good health. Well, let me just get to the point and you will understand the reason for my unexpected correspondence._

_There is no one in this world that knows my daughter better than I do. A mother always knows her child like the back of her own hand. I am writing to warn you Severus. Your guardians Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy have been our close acquaintances for many years and we have kept up close family ties. Lucius and I are in fact second cousins._

_Tatiana has been brought up in a mixed household with conflicting values and impressions. I have tried my hardest to try and turn her into a respectable, obedient, submissive and respectful pureblood wife. My grooming has been in progress for years now. on the other hand, she is very close to her father who has spoiled her without the slightest thought of how she could be an embarrassment to our household. Her father has never put much store to family and reputations whereas I, truly have._

_So Tatiana has not picked up my traits like I wished she could have. She continues to do things to throw my work down the drain. I know of a certain Regulus Black she had been gallivanting around with, and I was worried about their promiscuous dealings for a while. I beg you Severus; she needs a firm man to stop this nonsense immediately. She will bring shame to your family and mine if she is allowed to act like this. I know that she might still be with him, and that could mean that you will be left with tainted flesh to marry. We both know you do not want that. She is acting like a common street whore and only a strong man like you has the means to show her that it is unacceptable._

_I am absolutely in favor of you doing anything to set her right. Let her know who is in charge. She does not listen to me because I do not have the strength to deal with her whereas you, I am sure, do. She needs to be beaten into submission and punished severely for being rude, unconcerned and disrespectful of you. A pureblood wife is supposed to have the utmost respect for her spouse and if not, she has to be made to. So please don't hesitate to do whatever you need to make sure she submits to you. She needs pain, and it is the only thing that will scare her into being a good wife to you. Please let her know she will get absolutely no sympathy from home for acting like this, and she should grow up in order to get any._

_I know you might be surprised at how I am supporting you, but I assure you there is nothing I want more than for this to work out. I do not care how it works out, but it really should because two prominent families depend on it. Remember what I have said and make sure she is beaten into submission. People like her do not learn unless they are dealt with roughly. If she admits to have been physically involved with that boy, break her. Inflict on her, real sexual pain so that she will think twice before doing such a thing. And remember, I am here to help you in any way you want. I will answer any question and support you in whatever you need to do Severus._

_With love,_

_Margaret_

Severus read the letter through twice and couldn't believe his eyes. Here, on paper, in her own mother's handwriting was written permission for him to do whatsoever he wanted to do to her. Severus' eyes narrowed when he read certain portions encouraging him to break her, to destroy her and to forcibly turn her into whatever he wanted her to be. Her own mother had said, in the end paragraph, that it was fine for Severus to rape her if it was needed, which is what he assumed "real sexual pain" meant. So this was Tatiana's mother, and this was how she made her first impression.

Severus was sickened. He looked at the woman's words again and felt like there was something stuck in his throat. He couldn't believe he had hurt Tatiana like that. He had blamed her for getting hurt, for the cruel bruises on her arm and the deep cut which still hadn't healed, but the entirety of the fault lay with him. His hands shook as he read the letter again. He had done almost exactly what this sick woman wanted him to do. He had almost broken Tatiana so, so many times not knowing that she probably heard these things everyday at home. This woman was sick, and he was making it much, much worse for Tatiana. He decided to go over to Tatiana's room and put things right. He knocked at her door and she let him enter. The door hadn't been locked so he walked in. She looked up at him standing there with curiosity. She was in her bed, reading a book and writing something.

"This just came for me," he said coldly. Tatiana looked confused.

"I think you should read it too," he said sneering. She took the letter from him.

Tatiana sat back down on her bed and opened it.

"Interesting woman," said Severus sneering still, "your mother…"

Tatiana began to read the letter and Severus left her room and went back to his own. Maybe now she would tell her mother to stop writing to him and she'd come and talk to him. There was a knock at his door and he told Tatiana to open it because it was unlocked. The door opened gently and Tatiana came in.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Chapter 17**_

Tatiana stood at the door. He looked up at his from his bed. Then his heart sank. This was a Tatiana like no other. He had never seen such a different person before. It was really not the Tatiana he had known. It was the most horrid sight that had ever met his eyes.

There were soft grayish tears running down her cheeks in thin channels. Her makeup was running. Otherwise, she looked her normal self. But he had never seen her cry before, no matter what he had done to her. Thinking back, he had hit her, bruised her and cut her, but she hadn't shed a tear in any of those situations. These weren't normal tears either, he realized. Every little one of those gray channels running down her face were carving his heart and mutilating it the further they went.

"Is this what you wanted…." She said in a delicately destroyed voice. Her face was still brave, and perhaps that was her only defense still remaining. He jumped out of his bed.

She was broken, and he could tell. It didn't look right, the tears on her face. She was still very beautiful but the tears tugged at him, filling him with a hot, burning guilt.

"Tatiana I –

She shook her head and looked down so that more tears fell out of her pretty, dark eyes. Now he knew why she didn't cry often, because her tears were brutal.

"I have taken everything," she said through her silent tears, "I have taken this pain for seventeen years, and I have taken whatever you did to me –

"I know I –

"You wanted this Severus," she said with a sad smile, "you wanted to break me. Well, here you have it. Here is the fruit of all your labor. I am broken –

"Tatiana, you don't understand what I –

She wasn't even listening and he couldn't finish his sentence. She walked up to him and he came closer. She raised her hands, and he thought she was going to put them on his. Then he saw she had the letter clutched in her hands. She pressed it on his chest and he raised his hands up to hers to be able to hold them but he touched the letter instead. Tatiana had retracted her hands the second he had brought them close to hers.

"Please Tatiana, this wasn't meant to be what you thought it was," he said to her, looking down at her dewy eyelashes blinking more tears out of her eyes.

She smiled, looked up and said, "Congratulations Severus, after seventeen years, _you _have broken me." He watched with dismal failure how she turned around and left the room.

Tatiana had walked out of that room, broken and destroyed, but with more dignity Severus could ever have hoped to have in his entire life. And he knew that.

Severus stood there shocked at what had just happened. He threw the letter aside and kicked the bed in his anger. Why did that stupid woman have to write to him anyway? He had made a mistake showing it to her and not explaining why he was doing it anyway. He wanted to show her in order for her to tell her mother not to write to him anymore. He had even wanted to patch things up with her when she came back to him. This had all gone very wrong.

He suddenly jumped and sprinted out of his room to go to hers. He tried to open it but found it was genuinely locked up. He knocked. He knocked again. He kept knocking again and again and again. There was no answer. He thumped on it for at least fifteen minutes and there was still no answer. He was hammering the door, threatening to break it. No answer.

"Tatiana, just open the door," he said desperately, "I just want to talk to you."

There was no answer. He knocked again. No answer.

"Come on," he said angrily, "its just to talk, I promise –

He heard a muffled sob from somewhere in the room's depths.

"I just want to help you," he said desperately.

But he stood at that door for an hour, maybe more and there was no response. He sat down at the foot of it and waited for a while more. He decided he had to get in there, even if it meant breaking down the door to get to her. He pulled out his wand and got up. He pointed it at the hinges of the door and melted them temporarily. He was able to pry the wooden door away from the melted hinges. He stepped into her room. She was on her bed, but she wasn't moving. His blood ran cold. She wasn't naked, but she was in her underwear, a black corset and black satin panties. She really wasn't moving at all. Her soft, long black hair was delicately falling over a side of her face, covering it, and on her bare neck and shoulders.

"Tatiana, no…"

No sign of movement. His eyes moved down to her slender bare legs and a tattoo on her inner thigh. Then his heart stopped when he saw what had happened to her. She was unconscious for sure, he could tell. But he saw what had really happened to her. She was lying on her back and her hands were outstretched together over her head. Right next to her thighs was a towel, thoroughly bloodstained and lying in a heap. Her hands were wrapped in another towel and it was starting to look like the one near her legs. Severus, panicking now, took the towel off her hands and saw exactly what he feared. Her hands were covered in blood, which was seeping from her wrists. The cuts were brutally deep and they didn't seem to healing too soon. They hadn't even begun to clot and it had been over an hour.

Severus climbed on top of Tatiana and sat on his knees so that she was beneath him. He pointed his wand at her and whispered an incantation. Her eyes snapped open. She saw Severus sitting on top of her and she gasped. Then her face became expressionless again.

"Are you going to rape me?" she asked him miserably, "just what I need, more pain."

"No," he said, "off course I'm not."

He brought her bleeding hands, still wrapped in the towel close so that he could see them. She didn't object or say anything at all. She was like a lamb willingly going to the slaughter. Severus pointed his wand at her wounds and sat there prodding them for a while. The bleeding began to slow down, but the cuts weren't healing.

"I think I should take you to the hospital wing," he said to Tatiana agitatedly.

"No Severus," she said desperately, "they can't know…"

"Alright," he said, "then you're coming to my room so I can actually fix you."

She nodded gently. He swept her into his arms and carried her featherweight to his room. At least her hands had stopped bleeding. But he had an awful feeling it was because she was losing too much blood. She held him tightly and he put her on his bed.

Severus rushed to his trunk and drew out his potions ingredients. He began shoving things into his cauldron haphazardly. Tatiana was drifting off. She didn't even know what was happening anymore. She could only feel extreme pain, intense sweet pain.

"Tatiana! Don't close your eyes," he said worriedly. She might never wake up then…

He let whatever he was making sit on the fire for a while and he came and sat with Tatiana to make sure she didn't go back to sleep. He took a cloth and wet it to be able to wipe the blood on her hands and arms. She winced when he touched the wounds. She had never felt pain like this before and it was excruciating. She closed her eyes to distract herself. Severus didn't know what to say to her. He couldn't believe she would do something like that. He had no idea that the letter had crushed her so badly that she had tried to kill herself…

"Don't sleep," he said quietly, she nodded and opened her eyes, "how do you feel?"

"Tired," she said witheringly, "and weak and…" her voice trailed away miserably.

He put his hand lightly on her cheek, and she closed her eyes again. He shook her lightly and she opened her eyes wearily.

"Don't worry," he said gently, "I'm here now."

He got up and brought a concoction that he applied to her wounds. She cried in pain and he held her hands tightly so that she wouldn't jerk them away. But right before her eyes, her wounds which had been smoking and burning a second ago were starting to seal up. She squeezed her eyes shut and whimpered again in severe pain. A minute went by and the pain began to lessen. She opened her eyes and exhaled in relief.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked her. She shook her head. It had really stopped hurting. He took the bloodstained towels from her hands and went to the fire. He threw them inside. He came back and examined her wrists again. There were bruises, which he would fix later, but for now, there were no open wounds.

He still didn't know what to say to her. She looked at him and he did what came to his mind. He pulled her close to himself and hugged her. She shuddered but she hugged him too. He pulled away from her and put his hand under her head and kissed her. God she was stupid, he thought angrily, doing that to herself. But he never loved her more. She kissed him back.

"Don't you ever do that again," he said hugging her, "you hear me?"

"Please Severus –

"No," he said angrily, "you listen to me now. I can't stop you from doing this, I can't beat you can I? But I can do other things to make you stop."

"You already beat me," she said dismally, "what's left to do anyway? Kill me?"

"No," he said satisfied, "but if you ever do that again –

"Then what?" she asked him miserably. There was nothing to scare her anymore.

"Then I'll tell your father," he said smoothly, "and I know that will set you right."

Tatiana gasped.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Chapter 18**_

The fear of Severus calling her father kept Tatiana obeying him completely. It was the morning after he had found her badly injured and mutilated by her own hand. He still couldn't believe that she had actually lived all these years hearing poisonous words like that. But he had made a decision and he would stick by it. He wouldn't tell Tatiana about it, but he had to do it. So when he woke up that morning with Tatiana still asleep in his bed, he made sure she was really asleep and he walked out of his room.

Severus quickly scribbled a hasty letter on a piece of parchment and tied it to his owl's leg. The owl took off immediately zooming out of the common room's window. He stood there thinking for a moment when he heard a voice from inside his room.

"Severus, are you here?" came Tatiana's tired voice. He rushed back inside.

"I'm here Tatiana," he said getting back into bed, "what's the matter?"

"Oh, just wondering where you went," she said sleepily, "it's early still…"

He turned around and put his hand on her waist and brought her closer. She blushed furiously, and squealed taken aback, when he kissed her. She tried to wriggle but he wouldn't let her. He brought his hands to her breasts and she gave him a warning look.

"You know Tatiana," he said smirking, "you _did _technically slept with me."

"No I didn't," said Tatiana indignantly, "nothing happened did it?"

"No," he said snidely, "but, think about it. I mean, you're practically naked and you're in my bed, _and_ you slept here. So that does count as something."

"I'm not practically naked," she said turning the other way. He smirked.

"Oh come on," he said, whispering in her ear and touching her bare hips, "nothing happened, but technically, it did. I mean, it looks like it doesn't it?" she turned around.

"I don't care about technically," she said heatedly, "and no touching!"

He laughed and said, "Okay, but choose one."

"Choose one what?" she asked him looking confused.

"Choose, no touching or no saying that you slept with me?" he asked smirking.

"Neither!" she said indignantly bringing the covers over herself. He pulled them off.

"Choose," he said smiling wickedly.

"Fine!" she said firing up, "no touching!"

"Okay," he said smoothly, "The sex was good wasn't it? Seeing as you slept here, with me, rubbing yourself up against me all night. I was good, as usual and you were really –

"Okay, okay," she said quickly, "I change my mind."

He immediately put his arms around her and kissed her, but surprisingly she kissed him back with even greater intensity. He moved on top of her and deepened their kiss.

"So you're kissing me back now?" he asked her sneering.

She rolled her eyes, "I'm bribing you to not say I slept with you."

"I'm just trying to cheer you up," he said honestly.

"I know," she said. He brought his hands up to her hips again, "Severus no touch –

"You changed your mind," he said not moving his hands away. She sighed.

"Oh alright," she said hopelessly, "its not like you don't do it anyway –

"But you know what would be even better," he said stroking her thighs and she shivered in embarrassment, "if you took that off…" he ran his hands over her corset top.

"Severus no," she said hurriedly as he kissed her behind her ear and her neck.

"Alright, alright," he whispered, "but you can't blame me. It's hard to resist you, you know? Especially when you're wearing practically nothing…"

Tatiana gasped, "Severus don't," she giggled and he reluctantly pulled his hand away from between her legs and stopped fondling her through her soft, satin underwear.

"You're hopeless," she said fighting his hands off her. He smirked again.

"Okay no touching," he said, pulling her close to himself and kissing her again. He smelled really good, she thought. But he really didn't understand what no touching meant, she thought as he continued to try and twitch her panties off her.

"But if I'm going to be this naked," she said smoothly, "I'm not doing it alone."

"No problem," he said pulling off his t-shirt and pants, "now what?"

"Now, I'm going back to sleep," she said turning away and smirking. He turned her way and ran his hands on the inside of her smooth thigh, making her gasp again.

"No you're not," he said holding her, "come on, just a little bit more won't hurt…"

She let him. Not that she could say no anyway. If there was something she knew about him, he had his own way of making her do exactly what he wanted.

A couple of days went by and Tatiana was getting better. Severus even apologized for what he did to her earlier and she, off course, forgave him. But she would never forgive her mother for doing that to her. She would never forgive her mother for not loving her.

The letter Severus had sent had been to her father. Tatiana was not in the room the day her father came. He had come to talk to Severus in response to his letter. The letter had asked her father to come as soon as he could, so he turned up two days later. Severus had been expecting him. Severus welcomed him and immediately cut to the chase.

"Maybe we should talk in my room," said Severus, "I don't want Tatiana to know."

"What is the matter son?" he asked him, "the letter said it was very urgent."

They went into Severus' room and he pulled out the letter Tatiana's mother had sent him and he said, "I want you to read this sir." He handed the letter to the man.

Tatiana's father sat on the bed and read the letter while Severus watched him through narrowed eyes. Just like Severus had done, Tatiana's father read it through twice.

He looked up and said, "When did you get this letter son?"

"Two days ago," replied Severus.

"Did my baby see this?" he asked him, his voice breaking miserably.

Severus nodded. The man closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I don't know what is happening," said Severus, "I do not know why this woman wants me to practically kill her own daughter."

"I never believed Tatiana much when she told me about the things her mother would say to her," said the man, "but here it is, my stupidity on paper."

"Aren't you going to do something about it?" spat Severus angrily.

"I don't know what to do," he said impatiently, "she'll threaten to ruin our family."

"So you are going to stand by, and let Tatiana suffer," said Severus coldly.

"No I just –

"I see," said Severus smoothly. Tatiana's father looked worried again.

"What happened when she saw this?" he asked Severus.

"Oh nothing much," said Severus casually, "she only tried to kill herself –

"What?" yelled the man, springing up and looking horrified at what he had heard.

"Yes," he hissed, "and let me tell you that maybe next time, I won't be there to make sure she doesn't bleed to death alone and unwanted."

Tatiana's father became silent and said, "I need to see her. Now."

"She is fine," he said, "but before you go and talk to her, which I think you shouldn't do because she'll never forgive me for telling you, hear me out."

"Fine," he said fuming, "but hurry up, I need to see her –

"I swear she's alright," said Severus hurriedly, "take my word for it. She begged me not to tell you and she can't know that you're here."

"If anything else goes wrong," said Tatiana's father dangerously, "you will call for me."

"Only if you promise –

"What?" he spat.

"Only if you promise to do something about this," Severus' eyes flashed, "finally."

"Yeah, I have to put an end to this," said Tatiana's father, "I will make sure this doesn't happen again, but you make sure you tell me if something goes wrong again."

"I'll call you immediately," said Severus simply.

"Thank you son," said her father genuinely. Severus nodded and they shook hands. Tatiana's father left through the fire and Severus exhaled. That had been hard.

Half an hour had passed when Tatiana came back. Severus was back inside his room and it was late in the evening. She went and knocked at his door and he let her in, not telling her that her father had been here a short while ago.

"What are you doing?" she asked him looking at his lengthy notes.

"Trying to ignore you," he said looking down at the pile of books near his bed.

"I see you're being yourself again," she said smirking down at him.

"You too," he said sneering, "Nosy and intrusive as usual."

"Why thank you Severus," she said sweetly, "you're as nice as a new strain of rabies."

She climbed on to his bed and lay down next to him, ignoring him completely.

"I know you can't resist me," he said casually, "but stop throwing yourself at me."

"Oh yeah," she said in a deadly whisper, "make me."

"Absolutely," he said throwing the potions book aside and pushing his lips on hers.

"Yeah," she said kissing him fiercely, "you're back to normal."


	19. Chapter 19

_**Chapter 19**_

"No I can't," said Tatiana's angry voice when they had another row in the morning a few days later. It was something about her being irresponsible and nonchalant.

"Well maybe you should try," he snapped, "or maybe your swollen ego won't let you?"

"Look who's talking?" she snapped back.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he said angrily.

"Hmm, what do you think it's supposed to mean Severus?" she asked him in mock concern. He narrowed his eyes at her.

"You know," he said quietly, "unlike what you might think, I'm not some mind reader sitting here on call deciphering your bullshit for you."

"Well, let me make it simpler for you then," she said, "the next time you decide to point out a million problems with me, take a good hard look in the mirror."

"I don't need to," he said lazily, "its people with problems who need to –

"Really?" she said dangerously, "tell me about my problems then Severus."

"Lets see," he said mocking her, "you are, hmmm, irresponsible, thick skinned, egotistical, nosy, ignorant and did I mention you cheat on me?"

She gave an angry huff and went off. He smirked having won round one. It was fun beating her when they fought. She came back a second later looking furious.

"So I thought about what you said about me being all those things right," she said.

"Oh good," he said going back to his reading, "a little time for inner reflection I see."

"Yes," she said, "exactly." He smirked even more.

"So," he said feigning interest, "please don't keep me out of your internal battles."

"Oh don't you worry," she said with a steely laugh, "I won't. So I decided since I am so irresponsible, maybe you can teach me how to be responsible."

"I don't waste my time teaching trolls," he said casually, "or you."

"Right," she said smartly, "well then, I can't help you. This means you have to do all the cleaning I usually do then. You can take the laundry and do the shit I usually do then."

"Do you think I'm fucking insane?" he asked her sneering.

"No Severus," she said, "I think you're right about me being an imbecile and all those other things, so I'm giving up the job, just like you wanted me to."

She stormed back into her room and he got up and threw the parchment he was pretending to read away angrily and went into her room.

"Severus God, I was changing!" she said wrapping her robe around her when she saw the door open and him standing at her bed. He had his arms crossed and was still smirking.

"Yeah, yeah," he said watching her struggle to cover herself up, "I've seen you more naked than that anyway." She blushed but turned away from him.

She rolled her eyes and said, "What's the matter? Getting used to being a housewife?"

"Nope," he said, "just came to tell you that the window better be open when I come back," she shot him a filthy look, "or else."

"No, I am really scared of you," she said pretending to shiver.

"You should be," he said smirking at her.

"Get out," she said, "can't you see I'm a little busy here?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said, "but you'd better do what I said."

He left her to change and she stormed out of the room a few minutes later. Severus noticed she had dropped a piece of paper as she had left. He bent to pick it up. He unfurled it and it read, _"Hey, it's important and I need to see you soon. Meet me in classroom twenty-two at eleven tonight. I really need to talk to you – Regulus."_

Severus snarled and threw the paper into the fire where it burned up immediately. He and Tatiana had actually started to become close and as soon as Black needed her, she went without question. He knew she had been avoiding Black since he had kissed her that night, but he also knew that whenever they fought or didn't talk, she went right back to him. They had fought this morning and it had been quite bad, he thought angrily. Why couldn't she just leave that stupid blood traitor bastard once and for all?

He didn't have class till the afternoon so he decided to go back to sleep. Severus couldn't sleep. All he could think about was why Black would want to meet his fiancé in a deserted classroom at some odd hour of the night, when there would be no one to walk in on them if they were up to something. He hated to think of it. Black, the other idiot of that damned pair, with his hands all over Tatiana, luring her under the pretext of wanting to talk about something important. Severus knew all too well that he didn't want to talk; he wanted to do a lot more than that, that filthy slime.

He went to his classes with his mind distracted and what bothered him more was that he hadn't seen Tatiana all day. He went back to the dorm later in the evening and it was expectedly empty. He decided he couldn't do anything about it right now, but when she came back, he was going to put his foot down. She couldn't meet Black anymore, and he would stand by it no matter what she said. He hated her for doing this. Severus watched the hours go by. It was eight…eight-thirty…nine…nine-thirty…ten…ten-thirty. Severus sat, half a bottle of firewhiskey down and his anger running high. I should catch them at it, he thought spitefully and maybe that would teach her to not fuck with his head. It was going to be eleven soon and he slammed the bottle down and decided to hunt her down. He would catch her red handed and he would kill Black. At least he would kill one Black. Severus slammed the door behind him and went off to room twenty-two to catch Tatiana doing what she always did.

"Regulus," she said quietly, "why are we meeting in the dungeons then?"

"Oh, I didn't like the sound of room twenty-two," he said, "Too many people know that corridor anyway. I thought this would be way better."

"So what's the matter?" she asked him worriedly, "it sounded urgent."

"Oh," he said realizing what he had written, "I didn't mean to sound like that."

"But it said that you needed to talk to me?" she said, confused.

"Yeah Tatiana," he said, "I wanted you to finally talk to me and not ignore me."

Her eyes widened and she said, "I didn't mean –

"Yeah you did," he said softly, "but I don't blame you. I know it must be hard."

Regulus, with surprising passion, pulled Tatiana close to him and began to kiss her. She kissed him back. He sat her down on an old table and put his arms on either side of her, kissing her passionately and completely differently from before.

"Tatiana, I Love you," he said impatiently, "why can't you see that?"

"I do too," she said sadly, "but things have changed, doesn't mean I don't love you."

"I know," he said softly kissing her again, "I just wish we could be together again…"

He laid her down on the table and climbed on top of her. She didn't know what to do now. She couldn't have sex with him and that was for sure. She was getting married and if Severus were ever to know, he wouldn't hesitate to beat the life out of her. But she loved Regulus so much, so very much. He kissed her again and unzipped his pants.

She saw him unzipping his trousers and she quickly said, "No Regulus, I can't –

"It doesn't need to be that you know?" he said, kissing her neck softly.

He brought her hands down to his unbuckled pants and he leaned over her, kissing her. I really shouldn't be doing this, she thought as he guided her hands inside his pants. She also couldn't really say no to him. She loved him and she would do anything for him. If this were what he wanted, then she would give it to him. He had never denied her anything before had he? He had loved her. She took him in her hands and he gasped kissing her more passionately. She closed her eyes, gritted her teeth and did what he wanted her to do. He unbuttoned her blouse and, well, she let him. What would Severus say if he knew? This was the closest to sex she had ever come, and wouldn't he have wanted it to be with him and not Regulus. But Tatiana couldn't think anymore. Regulus was breathing deeper as she moved her hand faster on him.

"Tissues…" he said absent-mindedly conjuring them. Tatiana sprang up and buttoned up her blouse again. He pulled his trousers back up and watched her.

"I think I should go," she said sadly. He nodded and kissed her one last time. She walked out of the dungeon and up to the corridor with tears in her eyes. She loved him so much and she couldn't be with him. It was cruel. The worst part was that she actually had feelings for Severus too, and the guilt was killing her. She loved Regulus, but she liked Severus too. On the other hand, if given a choice she would obviously choose Regulus because he didn't occasionally beat her up or emotionally ruin her like Severus did. She hated him sometimes, and actually she hated him most of the time. But she couldn't resist Severus at all. One touch from him was enough and she was all his. He had the power to make her, his.

"Where are you going beautiful?" whispered a voice from behind her as she reached her dorm. It wasn't Severus' voice. But she knew that voice and her blood ran cold.

"What do you want Zabini?" she said coldly trying to hide the fear in her shaky voice.

"Just open that door and you won't have a problem," he said sharply, coming out of the shadows. He had his wand raised at her and a mad gleam in his eyes.

She gasped and Zabini kept his wand steady, blatantly pointing right at her.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Chapter 20**_

Where the hell are they? Severus was in classroom twenty-two and there was no one there. She probably told him not to meet her here because she thought I knew, he thought fuming. He couldn't believe she would thwart him like that. Where else could they be? Anywhere said a dismal voice in him. But he could look in certain likely places. Severus took off at top speed down the corridor.

"Zabini! What is the matter with you?" Tatiana said worriedly, "Leave me alone."

"Just open the door and I won't use this on you," he said twitching the wand. There was fear filling every vein in her body as she opened the door. She had to, because she knew Zabini and if he said he'd attack her, he probably would. She opened the door and walked in. He pushed his way in after her.

"I don't know what this is," she said angrily, "but Severus will be back –

"Oh not to worry," he said casually, "your dear fiancé is out scanning the corridors, trying and failing to find you and your boyfriend at it." _Oh god Severus…_

"Well," she said boldly, "that doesn't mean he won't stroll in through those doors any second now does it?"

"Then I'll tell him you seduced me," he said smoothly, "and he'll believe it."

She laughed, "Oh, he knows I wouldn't do that. He knows what I think of you."

"But he knows you have a taste for other Slytherins," he said smirking.

"Whatever Zabini," said Tatiana, "just go away. No one wants you here anyway."

"But you do," he said, smirking at her with that mad gleam in his eyes.

"Dream on," she snapped, "and while you're at it, there's the door." She pointed to it.

Meanwhile, Severus raced down to the dungeons and looked into the first. No one was there. Where were they? He wanted to catch her red handed and embarrass her enough to make her grovel for the rest of her life. He would kill that little son of a bitch, Black. He would wring his neck for him and kill him in front of her. He checked the next, then the next…

"Look Zabini," said Tatiana, "I don't know what you want."

"I want that you stop playing with people's feelings," he snapped angrily.

"Severus has to deal with it," she said, "Regulus and I will stay together."

"No, no," he said impatiently, "I don't care about them at all. I meant you and I."

She looked very confused and said, "there _is_ no you and I. I hardly even know you."

"That's what I'm talking about," he said loudly, "that stupid attitude you've got."

"I'm tired Zabini," she said wearily, "Just leave me alone."

"Don't fucking talk to me like that," he said angrily. She looked at him shocked.

"Fine then," she said calmly, "I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

"Then I'm coming with you," he said with the mad gleam in his eyes again, "and there's nothing you can do about it Tatiana. Severus isn't even here to stop me."

She turned away and began to walk back to her room when he grabbed her hand. She winced. It was still hurting from the injuries she had sustained a few days ago. She shook her hand out of his, but he grabbed it again. He stroked her hand gently.

"Let me go Zabini!" cried Tatiana as she tried to get her hand out of his.

"Lets fuck, then we'll talk," he said eagerly, reinforcing his grip on her hand.

"God no," she said infuriated, "not in a million years!"

He lunged at her another hand and caught it. She tried to pull her hands out of his, but he managed to grab both and lock them in one of his.

"Come on," he said, "I know you want to. You know you want to."

"Zabini," she said loudly, "get the hint. I don't want you. Not now, not ever."

It looked like he had finally gotten the hint. It also looked like she had slapped him in the face. He was turning red slowly and his hand was shaking where it was gripping hers.

"But that doesn't mean you get to go," he said dangerously.

"You're going to get in such trouble," she said panicking now. He wrenched her close to himself and caught her by her hair. She tried to struggle out of his grasp but he pulled her closer and closer. He bent his face down and kissed her hard and viciously. She screamed but it was muted as he continued to eat her face right off.

"I don't care about trouble," he said wildly, "as long as we can be together."

"We will never be together," she said incensed, before she could stop herself.

"Oh, we will tonight," he said kissing her, "and you're going to want me so bad."

Tatiana slapped him hard across the face, making it bleed where she scratched him.

"Now you're going to regret that when I fuck you so fucking hard," he said angrily.

Severus looked in the astronomy tower. They weren't there either. He had thought it would have been their perfect romantic spot under the stars. He hated them so much right now. He didn't want to accept it, but he really loved Tatiana. Tatiana was strangely everything he had ever wanted. She was, god she was beautiful. She was most beautiful thing he had seen. She loved him, and he could feel it. She took him back even when he did those dreadful things to her didn't she? But most of all, she was what he wanted, and he rarely wanted. Why did she have to ruin him like this? He decided it was useless. He would never find her. She had outsmarted him, again. He walked back to the common room, but it was a long walk.

"P-please Zabini," she spluttered as he tried to kiss her again, "don't do this."

Zabini picked her up and she screamed. He put his hand over her mouth to stop her causing a commotion. He flung her over his shoulder and held her tight. He opened Severus' room and let himself in. Tatiana wondered why he was in this room. He put her down and she immediately tried to get away from him. He grabbed her around her waist and pulled her close again. She hated him. She hated his lips on hers, his hand on her waist and the other one on her bare thighs under her skirt. Severus was walking back ignorant, not knowing that his fiancé was being molested in his own room, right this moment.

"Get naked," he ordered her, "or I'll do it for you." She didn't move.

Zabini pulled her skirt down. Tatiana didn't know what to do now. She didn't have any way to make him stop. He pushed her against the wall and ripped her shirt off her. He clasped her hands again and bent down, kissing her neck. She was in her underwear now and she hoped Severus came back before that came off too. Severus was nearby now and it was less than a minute and he would be back in his room to hate Tatiana. Zabini unhooked Tatiana's bra and threw in on the floor. He licked her and she pushed him away, getting him off her.

"Don't play games with me Tatiana," he said groping her exposed breasts.

"Get your filthy hands off me," she cried, "you're making me sick!"

Zabini kissed her to shut her up and put his fingers inside her panties, making her scream. _God Severus, come back soon…_he groped her harder and harder and she felt the strong surging pain shooting up from between her legs. He was moving his fingers back and forth inside her, going deeper and deeper. She groaned in pain.

"See, you like that," he hissed shoving his fingers deeper inside her.

"N-n-no," she wailed and she felt a tingling sensation filling her body and making her numb between her legs. _Severus, where are you…help me…_He kissed her again and continued to fumble haphazardly inside her. He pulled away from her lips and she screamed loudly. She screamed so loudly that he jerked his fingers out of her and she whimpered in pain.

What was that? What the fuck was that? Severus was standing outside the common room about to say the password when he heard a woman's scream for within. It was Tatiana, he thought with dread. What was wrong, he thought panicking uncontrollably.

Tatiana heard hurried footsteps outside and so did Zabini. He shoved her against the wall and listened for a second. Someone had just spoken the password. They had heard it. Zabini took out his wand and pointed it at Tatiana.

He yelled, "Sectumsempra!" and he climbed up and jumped out of the window.

Tatiana collapsed against the wall and began to bleed violently. There were three deep gashes in her bleeding profusely. The door sprang open and Severus rushed inside. He was late because he thought the screaming came from Tatiana's room. He found her unconscious on the floor, in a heap and bleeding badly. He restored the wounds with a spell and the bleeding ceased immediately. He picked her up and put her on the bed, for the second time in a week. Her eyes fluttered open and her heart sighed with relief seeing Severus there. She couldn't stop herself. She threw her hands around him and started crying into his shoulder.

"I love you," he said holding her tightly and rubbing his hand on her undressed back.

"Oh god Severus," she said sickened, "I don't know why it is always me."

He hushed her holding her again. She cried, gasping huskily into his arms.

"Tell me what happened?" he said softly looking at the tears scalding her pretty face.

Very slowly, through shuddering gasps, she told him about how Regulus asked her to come and meet her tonight and she did. She then realized that it had been no emergency and she shouldn't have been there with him at all. She walked back to their dorm when Zabini accosted her. He said he was going to rape her. He had already begun when they heard Severus outside and he attacked her and jumped out of the window.

"Zabini…" said Severus sick comprehension dawning on his face.

She nodded faintly.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Chapter 21**_

She was never going to get over this one. Right after she had told him what had happened to her, he had wrapped her in his overcoat and locked the window out of which Zabini had jumped. Severus had dashed away after a few minutes. He came back an hour later and when she asked him where he had gone, he didn't tell her. He got into bed with her and put his arm around her.

"I can't imagine what he would have done if you hadn't come," she said fearfully.

"I can," said Severus darkly.

"Thank you," she said shakily and he kissed her forehead lightly.

Tatiana closed her eyes reluctantly. She was going to dream of this forever. She had never had anyone do something like that to her. He had tried to rape her and it was a big deal. Too many things had happened to her in one week for her to handle it.

"I don't know what's to become of me Severus," she said miserably.

"Why Tatiana?" he asked her. She sighed.

"Too many things happened this week for me to handle," she said shuddering.

"But you did handle it," he said, "and we'll get through this one too."

"Why is it always me Severus?" she asked softly, "no one else's mothers hate them, fiancés beat them or random people try and rape them."

"I don't beat you," he said, she gave him a sharp look, "anymore. And anyway, they have their own problems Tatiana. They aren't like you, and that's their problem."

She smiled grudgingly, "that was a nice thing to say."

"I wish I couldn't explain why these random people are taken with you," he said darkly, "but unfortunately, I understand completely."

"I wish I were dead," she said, hoping he'd say he wished she weren't.

"I wish that all the time," he said smirking. She scowled, "I'm joking Tatiana."

"You said you loved me," she said.

"I know," he said holding her.

"Did you mean it Severus?" she asked him expectantly.

He nodded, "yes. I wish I didn't, but there's things you can't help, like diseases."

"So loving me is like a disease?" she said indignantly.

"Yeah, it makes me sicker everyday when you love someone else," he said bitterly.

"I don't Severus," she said, aggravated, "love him."

"Then why do you leave me for him, every damned day," he said angrily.

"It's complicated," she said sadly.

"Fine, lets not talk about this right now," he said quickly, "you've been through a little too much already. Just go to sleep and I'm here okay?"

She nodded, kissed him and fell asleep.

Tatiana was suddenly very taken with Severus now, especially because he had saved her life twice in a week. They were back to their petty arguments the very next morning, but it was slightly different. There was a lot of heated snogging again and maybe the fights weren't as brutal as they used to be. Severus didn't even call her irresponsible anymore, but he wouldn't stop calling her a petty snoop and cheating skank no matter what.

She didn't tell any of her friends about what had happened to her. Even Lily, she wouldn't tell, she decided. She told Severus not to say anything and he reluctantly agreed. She kept her mouth shut and went on with her day normally. Zabini wasn't at school and she wondered what had happened to him. She saw Severus with his friends and went to ask him.

"Severus," she said when she saw him, "I need to talk to you."

He came over and said, "Yeah?"

"Where is Zabini?" she asked him suspiciously, "You didn't do anything did you?"

"Let's just say he's temporarily indisposed," he said sneering.

"No Severus," she said horrified, "what did you do?"

"Its nothing," he said casually, "just some broken limbs and a shattered jaw."

She gasped, "You know all those times I said I wasn't scared of you?"

"Yeah," he said smirking at her.

"Yeah, I changed my mind," she said looking horrified.

He pulled her close to himself, putting his hands on her hips and one on her behind so that she gasped trying to get him off. He kissed her and his friends snickered somewhere in the background. She kissed him back, fiercely and determinedly.

She pulled away, smiled faintly and went off.

Tatiana knew she shouldn't have been thinking this, but she really couldn't help it. Every time he touched her like that, she stopped him, but she always wanted him to go on. She wished he wouldn't just leave her alone. She wished he would do exactly what she stopped him from doing to her in the first place.

She went back to her room later in the evening and Severus still wasn't back. He was late, she thought dismally. He was usually studying his brains out in the evening. His books probably turned him on, she thought nastily. She wished she could do it too. God, this is stupid, she thought angrily. Just some time ago, she had been so in love with Regulus, and she would have traded Severus in for him. Something changed over this week. It had to do with Severus actually caring about her for once and saving her life. It also had to do, a little bit, with that night. She hadn't wanted to what Regulus made her do, but she thought when you love someone, you shouldn't deny them anything. In truth, it had been a horribly embarrassing experience and she wished he had asked her if she had actually wanted to do it.

But Severus, he had been so mean to her. He had actually hated her everyday. Why'd he have to go and ruin things by being nice again? I was fine without him telling me he loved me. I was getting over the whole Regulus thing too, but he had to come and make me think again. Tatiana, sadly, and she knew it, wasn't attracted to Regulus anymore. She thought it would actually be fun sneaking off with him behind Severus' back, but she was wrong. She hadn't intended falling for Severus. This had ruined her.

Severus walked in a few minutes later and found Tatiana near the fire.

"Why are you so late?" Tatiana asked him a little impatiently, standing up.

He raised his eyebrows and said, "See, you're already a nagging housewife."

She narrowed her eyes and said, "Well, you're a hypocritical sneak."

"Yeah sure, sure beautiful," he said casually coming over to sit near the fire with her.

Tatiana smiled reluctantly and said, "Why are you so fucking mean?"

"Don't swear," he said, "it's extremely arousing."

"You swear," she said sitting more comfortably on the lounger.

"Why are you always so naked?" he asked her, looking at her lacy underwear.

"What is to you?" Tatiana said indignantly, "I can walk around naked if I want."

He sneered at her and said, "Why is it for me though? Is Regulus on holiday?"

She sat up and narrowed her eyes, "I can't believe you just did that Severus."

"Did what?" he said closing his eyes peacefully at her upcoming fit.

"I was clearly coming on to you," she said indignantly, "and you mentioned him."

He sat up and looked at Tatiana carefully, "I didn't know you were coming on to me."

She sat back comfortably and said, "I always knew you were thick."

"Oh yeah?" he snapped, "Tell me how I can know you're coming on to me then?"

She sat up and said loudly, "I'm barely dressed and I waited up for you to come back."

He looked a little slumped and said, "it's not my fault. I can't read your mind."

"That's a surprise," said Tatiana snidely, "but you enjoy reading other shit don't you?"

"Yeah that makes no sense," he said offhandedly.

"You like go and screw your books all day but you can't pick up on this," she snapped.

Severus jumped out of the chair and yelled, "They aren't complicated like you."

Tatiana sprang up too, "well time for little Severus to grow up then and take a little complication then isn't it?" she looked really angry now and he was fuming, yet again.

"You're a little too complicated though," he said loudly, shaking his arms wildly "you and your moods and who you like and who you don't. You should come with a handbook."

"Oh yeah?" she yelled, "then you should come equipped with a helmet and full suited armor don't you think? And a map around your brain would be handy too."

"I want you to come with a help line number for your moods too," he snapped.

"How badly do you want that Severus?" she said in a deadly whisper.

"Very badly," he said angrily.

"I said," Tatiana hissed, coming closer, "how badly? Tell me how badly?"

"So, so fucking badly," he said catching on and coming a little closer to her too.

"Tell me again damn you," she said angrily, "I want to know how badly."

He came closer and took off his shirt and said, "I'd kill for it."

"That badly?" she said incredulously.

He shook his head, "yeah, that badly. Now you know how badly."

She came close to him and said, "me too. Very, very, very badly."

He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him and her lips on his.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Chapter 22**_

"Take me inside," she whispered into his ear as he licked her neck, "in there."

He looked at her shocked and said, "really, Tatiana are you sure you aren't drunk?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "Come on, let's go in there."

He took her into his room, with her slender legs wrapped around him still. He opened the door and walked in shutting it between trying to kiss her and lock it. He spread her out on his bed and climbed on top of her. She held his bare shoulders as he kissed her passionately.

"Tatiana, are you sure you want to have sex?" he asked, "I don't mind if you don't."

"I do," she said a little embarrassedly, but he pushed her hair back and kissed her.

Severus leaned over her to brush his lips against her soft brown shoulders and neck. He ran them down between her breasts and to her supple abdomen. She got goosebumps as he ran his tongue gently over her body and she wrapped her legs tighter around his hips and scrunched his hair in her fingers.

He unhooked her bra. Tatiana blushed and thought, well this is embarrassing but at least he's seen me this naked before. Severus ran his hands over her chest taking in every dip and rise in it. She shivered a little, but this was okay, she thought shakily. He kissed her, causing her to tremble a little again when he moved to her breasts.

She unbuckled his belt and unzipped his trousers. He pulled them off. They were both only in their underwear now. He stroked her hips and began to wriggle her panties off her –

"S-Severus," she said unsteadily, "can we go a little slower?"

"Is this your first time?" he asked her a little too incredulously. She frowned.

"Yeah," she said defensively, "I'm no whore like my mother likes to say you know?"

"Okay," he said smirking a little, "I promise I'll be really gentle."

She managed to let him take her panties off and he moved back on top of her again. He moved his hands to her thighs going over her sienna torso. He ran his hand gently between her legs making her quiver again. He gaped at the small butterfly tattoo on her thigh.

"Severus don't," she said with a giggle as he stroked her gently between her legs.

"Okay," he said taking his fingers out of her and smiling at her overt embarrassment.

Severus gripped her thighs and spread them when -

"Severus…"

They stopped dead. Severus still had Tatiana's legs spread and he had been about to make love to her when he heard someone say his name.

"Severus, where are you…"

He jumped off of her and threw on his pants. He dashed out of the room and to the common room. Tatiana got up too and put on her underwear. She heard voices in the common room as she put on her bra. She slipped on her panties, picked up her robe and held it in her hand as she stepped out to see where Severus had gone off too.

"Severus, what is it?" she said as soon as she stepped out of the room.

"Oh, I'm sorry Tatiana," said not Severus, but Lucius Malfoy turning the other way. Tatiana was so shocked she nearly fell over. She put on the robe quickly.

"No, no Lucius," she said, mortified, "I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"Tatiana," said Severus guiltily, "I have to go, but I'll be back as soon as I can."

She looked shocked, "do you know what time it is?"

"I know," said Lucius turning, "but its urgent business, I hope you understand."

"Yes off course," said Tatiana despite what she really felt.

Severus picked up a robe and dressed himself quickly while Lucius waited and Tatiana fretted. She hadn't been so embarrassed in a long, long time. Severus had to leave just when they were about to do it for the first time and on top of that, Lucius knew that they had been doing it. He also saw her unduly nude.

Lucius saw Severus and said, "I'm going to wait outside, and you come soon."

Tatiana got up and said, "I hope this isn't anything too –

He smiled, "don't worry dear, you'll have him back in one piece, I promise."

She still looked worried so he kissed her hand and said, "You have my word."

"Thank you," she said, a little relieved. Lucius walked out of the room.

Severus laced his second shoe and zipped up his pants. Tatiana gave him a worried look and he gave a reassuring one. He got up, came over to her and hugged her.

"Be careful," she said worriedly, "promise me."

He kissed her deeply and said, "I swear I'll be careful."

Tatiana watched, unhappily and very fearfully as he left the room.

Tatiana didn't sleep. She went and lay down in his bed again, but she waited as the hours passed. One by one, the clock was moving like a snail. She drifted off into a reluctant sleep when it was nearing dawn. Severus came back when it was dawn and fell asleep immediately. They didn't have classes, so he didn't till quite late.

She woke up at around nine, tired and unhappy. But the second she saw Severus there, it was as if a huge load had been lifted right off her shoulders. She was so angry with him. She hated that he had to go and ruin their moment forever. It had been all so romantic and it would have been her first time, she thought sadly. In truth, she didn't really blame him because he had no idea it would come up, but she still wanted to blame him for it all.

Severus got up after noon and found the bed empty. He knew she had been awake for a very, very long time last night because he had found her sleeping in a sitting position. He had felt guilty, but he couldn't help it. He had wanted her so badly last night. It was worse for him, because he had loved her before she had him, and he had wanted her for so long. The very night when she decided she wanted to sleep with him, he had to go. It was cruel. He went out of his room and to hers. He knocked on the door and she said it was open.

"Hey," he said tentatively because she looked a little more than upset.

She nodded in response and he continued, "So you're ignoring me now, are you?"

"That, is one perfect guess," she said.

"Look," he said, "I had to go. It was really, really important."

"More important than what we were doing right?" she said, slightly hurt.

"It's not like that Tatiana," he said hastily, "it was just urgent for me to go."

"Urgent enough to not even tell me what was going on right?" she said angrily.

"Yeah," he said simply.

"Tell me something," she said coldly, "do you know how scared I was?"

"I know," he said gently, "but it's too long to explain anyway."

"Off course," she said casually.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he said resentfully.

"What it means," she said firing up, "is that it's always me who has to hunt up stuff on you isn't it? You don't bother telling me anything and when I do find something about you, which by the way I should because I'll be marrying you, I am suddenly a sneak and nosy."

"I never said that," he said getting angry.

"You've said it everyday since I found that letter," she said.

"The letter you were never meant to read," he spat.

"That's what I'm talking about," she said softly, "the part where I'm not supposed to do something. Why do I not know about all this from your own mouth?"

"Maybe it's because I don't want to waste my time on you," he said incensed. Severus could sense that he had really crossed the line this time. He knew that came out very wrong.

"Waste you time on me," she repeated, crossing her arms against herself, "I see…"

"That came out wrong," he said hurriedly, "I meant that the reason I didn't tell you was because I know you wouldn't understand."

"You can't make those judgments Severus," she said warningly.

"I don't know what to say then," he said firing up again, "I don't know if I can trust you. I don't trust anyone. Ever. How can I simply start trusting you then?"

"You're marrying me Severus," she said heatedly, "and you'd better learn trust soon."

"Why?" he said, "so you can throw it in my face?"

She looked like she couldn't believe her ears, "what are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that its not easy to trust you," he said irritably, "you make me think I can trust you and then you end up proving me wrong."

"And you've really been an icon of trust haven't you?" she snapped, "My you're a gem. You have your secret life of which I know nothing, and I'm the one who can't be trusted?"

"Maybe I don't want you in my fucking secret life," he yelled.

"Maybe you don't want me in your life," she yelled right back making him angrier.

"Don't put words in my mouth Tatiana," he bellowed, enraged.

"You're the unfaithful one here anyway," he said loudly, "I'm not the one cheat –

"Oh yeah?" she cried, "Well I've had enough of this bullshit. I waited, and waited and waited for you to come home. I thought you might tell me why you had to leave when…well fuck it now, but don't call me unfaithful Severus. You're the one who's hard to love here."

"So it's hard to love me now," he said in a lethal whisper. He walked away.

"No Severus –


	23. Chapter 23

_**Chapter 23**_

Those were a couple of uncomfortable days, when Tatiana had pissed Severus off so much that he wouldn't even talk to her. She didn't want to apologize because she thought she hadn't said anything different from what he was saying to her. It was true to an extent, Severus had said some very stupid things, but nothing compared to what she had said to him.

Tatiana decided she had had enough though and she really had to tell him she hadn't meant it like that. So after two days of suffering, she decided she had to swallow her pride like he had done in the past and just go and apologize. She knocked at his door and he didn't answer. She knocked again and he still didn't answer. He must be really pissed, she thought.

"Severus," she said, "fine don't let me in, but I'm coming in anyway."

Before he had a chance to lock the door, she opened it. He was sitting and reading some stupid book he was always reading. Tatiana came in and went up to him. He showed no signs of acknowledging she was even there.

"Severus," she said tentatively, "look, that came out really wrong and I'm sorry."

"It was," he said coldly, "the most honest thing you had said to me isn't it?"

"No," she said, "it was the most stupid thing to say because it isn't true at all."

"Look, leave the perfect speech for later right?" he said frigidly.

"Why can't you just see that I'm sorry for saying that?" she said bristling.

He looked up at her and said, "Because I know you're still angry with me."

"Why would I be angry with you?" she asked, "its you who won't talk to me anymore."

"You know what I mean Tatiana, so don't hide it," he said.

She looked away and said, "look Severus, I'm not angry with you per say, and I was just disappointed. I was just upset that what we planned, well, got trashed in an instant."

"I couldn't help it," he said, "why would I want to leave anyway?"

"Yeah I know," she said sitting down next to him, "lets just forget it now right?"

He nodded and she kissed him.

"But you still have to tell me where you went," she said demandingly.

"Why?" he said angrily.

"Because you owe me that much," she said heatedly.

"Fine, fine," he said, "but this isn't what you're going to like I promise."

"I don't care Severus," she said, "I want to know why you'd rather leave than fuck."

He smiled, "you have a dirty mouth these days."

"I owe it to you," she said kissing him again, "it's your bad habits brushing off on me."

"Do you want to hear this or not?" he snapped.

"Yeah," she said eagerly and got into bed with him, "lay it on me."

"Fine, Lucius said the dark lord wanted to see me immediately," he said.

Tatiana gasped and he put his hand on her mouth, "don't start screaming now."

"But why?" she said innocently taking his hand off her mouth.

"Said something about wanting an oath of allegiance immediately," he said.

"Did you do it then?" she asked, fearing the worst of it all.

He nodded. Severus took off his shirt and exposed bandages on his forearm. He unwrapped them and Tatiana gasped again. It was the dark mark branded into him. It was also fresh, she could see because it was swollen around the black marks.

"Can't we do anything about that?" she said touching the burn marks gingerly so that he winced and shook her hand off it. It looked really painful.

"I tried," he said wincing as he touched it, "but it won't stop stinging."

"Oh Severus," she said looking at him sympathetically. He scowled.

"Don't give me that soppy look," he said impatiently. She smiled.

"Okay," she said, "but let's get past this." He nodded and kissed her.

"It was a good night though wasn't it?" she whispered between his passionate kisses.

"Very, very good," he said smirking, "but very, very disappointing."

"Yeah, I wish we could've just done it there and then," she said smiling.

"But we have a long, long time you know," he said.

"Yeah, let's wait for the right moment," she said.

"You're not going to make me wait till after the wedding are you?" he said warningly.

"No, no I couldn't wait that long," she said horrified.

"Good," he said toying with her clothes, "because that night was really, really good."

"You too Severus," she said gently, "you really were, very, very good."

He leaned down a little to kiss her softly.

The wedding, for some reason looked closer that it ever had. Tatiana was fretting and Severus wasn't talking about it at all. She tried to ask him what she was supposed to do but he shooed her away and she didn't try again. But now she had to, because he dearest mother had written to her and told her to ask Severus a few questions.

"Severus," she said coming into his room, "my darling mother wants to know what kind of cake you want. She says there's a large and a small size."

"I don't care," he said and it sounded like he really didn't care at all.

"Yeah me neither," she said.

"Tatiana, can't you try and see I'm busy," he said getting back to his homework.

"Severus, I don't want to get you into this, but I have to okay," she said impatiently, "its me who gets to take the brunt of it anyway. She wants to know about the ring too."

"Tell her not to worry her demented head off," he snapped.

"I'll tell her to worry it off to you then," she said casually walking out of the room.

"No, no," he said hurriedly, "lets just finish this crap up."

"That's better," she said, "yes about the ring then."

"Yeah, I've ordered it so you don't have to worry," he said quickly.

"Also, she wants to know about theme colors," said Tatiana tentatively.

"Oh god," he said chucking the book aside, "what is her problem?"

"Just tell me what colors you like," she said.

"Black," he said simply.

"No Severus," said Tatiana, "I'm telling her peach and gold right?"

"Yeah sure," he said quickly, "see why the fuck do you need me for this shit anyway?"

"She wants to know if you've got your guest lists complete," said Tatiana.

"Yeah, but there aren't many people," he said shortly.

"Same," she said trying to keep him happy.

"Really?" he said nastily, "aren't your gang of jolly cronies coming?"

"Yes they are," she said angrily, "and I'll tell them all to kiss you congratulations."

"Ask them to sleep with me instead," he said yawning.

She scowled and said, "That was not funny, take it back right now."

"Okay," he said, "I take it back." It wasn't convincing, but she decided not to care.

"And going on then –

"But that swine isn't coming to the wedding," said Severus suddenly.

Tatiana looked outraged, "no Severus, he has to. He still is my friend you know?"

"I don't want him screwing you at the altar," he said nastily.

"Don't start Severus –

"Or fucking you before the wedding in your chambers –

"I said shut up Severus," she said heatedly, "don't ruin this okay?"

"Fine, but he can't come," he said simply.

She stomped her foot and said, "Okay, then none of your Slytherin molesters can come to the wedding either got it?"

"They're coming," he said with ringing finality.

"Fine then," she said boldly, "I'll tell Regulus he has prime invitation."

"You do no such thing," he said uninterested.

"I will Severus," she said, "because you're doing it too."

"I can, but you can't," he said plainly, "so don't waste time arguing."

She calmed down and said, "Listen carefully, I do what I want and you do the same."

"Then Zabini is coming too," he snapped.

She looked shocked and said, "I can't believe you would do that to me."

"Then why would you call that bastard and shove it my face?" he yelled back.

"Shove what in your face?" asked Tatiana bewildered.

"Make sure that you keep reminding me that no matter what I do, I'd never be good enough for you or your perfect little friends. That's what you'd shove in my face," he snapped.

"I never said that Severus," she said threateningly, "You don't put words in my –

"Some things don't always need to be said Tatiana," he said intolerantly.

"Well Severus, if you're calling rapists to this wedding," she said angrily, "then you'll have to live with Regulus being there too."

"Fine then," he said, "Zabini isn't coming. I was just threatening you."

"Fine then," she said relieved, "Regulus isn't coming either."

"Now leave me alone," he snapped. She huffed angrily and marched out.


	24. Chapter 24

_**Chapter 24**_

Severus did eventually cool down and they were back to generally petty arguments and nothing else was really new and fabulous in their lives. That is off course until Tatiana decided it was time for another shot at what they'd been missing that night. She knew she had to plot this because Severus would make sure he picked the least romantic moment and the least romantic thing to say. She was the only one with the knack to make this perfect.

Its was not as if Severus hadn't tried at all, and it was more like she didn't think it was the right time. He tried to ask her if she wanted to, one night when there was some heated kissing, but even though that was as good a time as any, she just didn't feel like it. He didn't bother rushing her because they had a lot of time on their hands. Tatiana really wanted him and he knew that. That's why he didn't care that she turned him down when he asked.

She did what she did last time and bought another contraceptive mixture. It was Friday night, so there was no bother about getting up for classes. She hoped he wasn't tired. Suppose he started another drama, then what? It was predictable and they were bound to fight if they opened their mouths. The last time, she had handled it well, she thought. She had managed to get his mind off the fighting and onto the loving. She smiled; maybe she would have to do it all over again. It was funnier that way though, switching from fighting to sex.

Severus came back in the evening, and thankfully it was early and he didn't look tired at all. He came in and went to sit by the fire again. Tatiana came and sat next to him. He scowled. She got up and sat on his leg. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her close.

"Why are you being so nice?" he asked her suspiciously. She glowered at him.

"Why do you think I need a reason to be nice to you?" she snapped.

"Because you're never nice to me," he said simply. She slapped the side of his head.

"Don't say that Severus," she said, "I'm nicer to you than you ever are to me."

"That's true," he said closing his eyes, "but its fun messing with you."

"How come?" she asked him indignantly and he stroked her hair to calm her down.

"Because you're the only one with the balls to fight me back," he said honestly.

"You mean that?" she said incredulously. He nodded.

"Yeah Tatsi," he said kissing her, "you're more man than anyone I know."

She smiled, "you never called me that before."

"It's about time I did," he said.

"Hmm, I wonder what I can call you then Severus?" she said snidely.

"You call me only Severus or I will kill you in your sleep," he said heatedly.

"Fine, fine," she said wearily, "you're always biting my head off no matter what."

"That's because you're so beautiful," he said simply.

"Severus, what do you want to do this evening?" she said nervously.

"I don't know," he said casually, "go to the lake, or sneak out to Hogsmeade."

She blushed, realizing the plan had failed, "I'll go wear something then."

"Sure," he said, "If we're going out, wear a cloak. We don't wanna be seen."

"Yeah sure, whatever" she said, looking more upset than she had wanted to look.

"Is something up?" he asked her skeptically.

"No, no Severus," she said, but he knew her fake little voice a little too well.

"Don't lie, you know I can tell," he said impatiently.

"Okay, but you have to guess," She said, "why would I be upset then?"

"I don't know," he said wildly gesticulating, "why do you make me play guess games?"

"Because it's too embarrassing to explain to you," she said angrily.

"Maybe it's because you don't want to go out," he said, "what do you want then?"

"Right," she said dismally, "but you obviously don't catch up on to the other part –

Comprehension dawned on his face, "Tatiana do you want to have –

"Yeah," she said shyly, "but it's okay if you don't want to. I can wait, I mean."

"No way," he said sitting up slightly, "I don't want to wait."

"I don't want to wait either," she said longingly, "it's getting too much –

"But, let's wait till its night at least," he said, "I mean, lets make this perfect okay?"

She looked a little taken aback, "why the hell do you want to wait?"

"Because this has to be perfect," he said smoothly, "and I say we wait."

"Severus, what difference does it make, now or later?" she said angrily.

"Tatiana, it makes all the difference," he said, "This is your punishment."

"Punishment?" she said aghast, "for what might I ask?"

"Oh, for making me play mind games," he said smirking, "its my turn now."

It turned out it wasn't even six in the evening, so they were pretty much stuck now. Tatiana said eight sounded good, but Severus wanted nine. Then they fought about what time and in the end decided on nine, obviously. He decided to go and get some booze to keep them occupied till then. She decided to go and pick some good underwear. By the time they were ready and waiting, it was still only seven. Severus decided it was time to open the mead. She had worn her bathrobe and sat waiting impatiently with him

"Severus," she said slyly, "eight looking a lot better now isn't it?"

He grinned, "not at all. The longer the wait the better don't you think?"

"No I don't think," she snapped. He leaned back comfortably on the couch.

"Don't worry your pretty little head off so much," he said calmly.

"Why are you making me wait like this?" she asked him angrily and he grinned again.

"Because you'll want me more then," he said simply, and she jolted.

"I can't believe you're playing these games with me," she said loudly, getting angry.

"Oh shut up," he said shutting his eyes, "This is just to know how much you want me."

"So what?" she said heatedly, "I'm not unattractive and unresponsive like other girls is it? So what does it matter if I like sex? It's better than being with a boring stuck up drag."

"Yeah," he said, smirking at her heated state, "way better."

"I'm tired of this wait," she cried furiously, "and I'm going to throw something at you."

"I'm sure you can keep it up for two hours," he said sweetly checking the clock.

"I swear I am going to chuck this glass at you," she said warningly.

"Well, then you'll have the bottle in return isn't it?" he retorted.

She gave an irritated sigh and leaned back against the sofa again.

"See, you're already learning to relax," he said sipping the mead contentedly.

Tatiana shot him a filthy look and said, "Don't even think you've won this Severus."

"Not at all," he said smoothly, "I've won by miles and miles and miles."

"What is this punishment for then?" she asked him angrily.

"It's for nothing," he said, "I just like messing with you and you know it."

"I know it's because you don't want me," she said sighing.

"I didn't say any such –

"Fine, then I'll just go away if you don't want me –

"Oh shut up," he said getting up, "now don't go and put words in my mouth –

"Me?" she said feigning anger, "me? I would never! You're the one who doesn't-

"I never said that Tatiana," he said heatedly, "I really, really want to fuck you."

"Eww Severus," she said genuinely put off, "don't say that."

"Alright, alright," he said impatiently, "I really want to make sweet love to you."

"Then throw me down and shag me till I scream," she said demandingly.

"Eww Tatiana," he said alarmed, "and that wasn't gross at all?"

"Fine, I want you to throw me down and fuck me till I scream alright?" she snapped.

He smirked at her, "see what its like to want something so badly."

"Don't say badly," she said tetchily, "it only makes it worse."

"Fine. Now you know how hard it is right?" he said smirking worse than ever.

"Oh god Severus, don't say hard, that's much, much worse," she said painfully.

"Yeah, it's so, so very, very hard isn't it?" he repeated.

"I hate you so much for this," she cried.

"Tatiana, just count to two thousand very, very slowly and by that time –

"I am not going to wait any longer," she snapped, "If you want me –

"Getting angry?" he said contentedly.

"Off course!" she said looking livid, "I hate your stupid mind games –

"No," he said peacefully, "I'm going to get you as angry as I fucking can."

"You want angry?" she said hysterically, "Here it is then." She walked over to him and pushed him onto the chair and kissed him passionately.

"That isn't angry enough," he said simply and she snarled angrily.

"Is this it then?" Tatiana said wrenching his hair hard and licking his lips lightly.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she said animatedly, "I can't believe you. You're the most annoying, irritating horrible person I know." He couldn't take it anymore.

He got up and grabbed her. She thought he was going to punch her lights out, but he seized her and kissed her passionately. She threw her arms around him.

"Oh god you're devastatingly irresistible when you're angry," he gasped into her lips.

"I hate you so much Severus," she said kissing him.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Chapter 25**_

He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him again. He threw open his room's door and didn't bother to close it. He put her on the bed and undid her bathrobe, leaving her in extremely sexy white underwear. She was so fucking perfect, he thought.

"I hate you Severus," she said frantically as he kissed her, "for doing this to me."

"It's just the sexiest thing when you're angry. It makes me want to –

"What?" she said looking into his eyes with a wild enthusiasm. He bent over her and whispered something in her ear, squealing as he pinched her waist.

"You are one dirty skank," she said giggling at what he said to her.

"Yeah," he said sneering, "and you're going to be a worse one tonight."

"Severus," she said apprehensively, "Please, don't go too fast."

"Don't worry," he said kissing her, "I'll do whatever you want me to, alright?"

He pulled off his t-shirt and she snapped open his belt and undid the zipper on his pants. He ran his lips over her delicate body, predictably making her tremble. He wondered why she trembled whenever he touched her. It was a little easier this time around because he had seen her naked now, so she wasn't as shy. He still had to make it look like he wasn't looking at her though when he took off her bra. He knew she wouldn't mind him touching her though. It was weird, but she'd rather that he'd touch her than look at her when she was naked. He kissed her neck, her tender neck that turned him into a vampire whenever he was near it. She sighed slightly when he ran his tongue over her breasts and torso.

"Tatiana, one last time," he said, "are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah," she said. He took her word for it.

He pulled off her panties, leaving her completely naked. She wished there wouldn't be another Lucius Malfoy interruption again. He took off his underwear and leaned over to her kissing her. He ran his fingers gently over her, taking in her beauty. Her gold-bronze skin was like a magnet to his hands. She was so perfect. Her long, shiny black hair floated around her head and looked like it was fluttering in the air. She closed her eyes when he pressed his lips to her soft lips. Her Again predictably, as he kissed her, he ran his fingers between her thighs capturing every smooth touch.

"Oh god Severus," she moaned and then snapped out of it, "don't do that."

"Okay, okay," he whispered pulling his hands away and pushing her head back down.

"What are you gaping at?" she asked him quickly.

"Nothing, nothing," he said, "just at the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

She smiled shyly and pulled him closer, kissing him hard. She turned over and pushed him on to the bed and climbed on top of him. She bent down to brush her lips against his skin, her hair sweeping over him. He held her arms, inhaling the gentle cranberry scent coming from her skin. There was no smell in the world that turned him on like hers…

"Tatiana," he said caressing her thighs, "sure?"

"Yeah," she said delicately, letting him on top of her again. He spread her legs and gently began to enter her. She shut her eyes in pain and gasped when he pushed a little more. She cried in pain, but he pressed his lips gently to hers and thrust a little more. With a few scratches on his back and a few more painful moans from Tatiana, he at least managed to get inside her. She gasped in pain when he began to rhythmically push and retract from her soft, supple body. It was one noisy, loud and frantically intense escapade.

"Oh god…" she breathed grazing her lips against his. He bit her lip gently.

"Too hard?" he whispered as she moaned gently.

"No," she managed to gasp, "not hard enough. Just do it harder." He smirked pushing himself a little harder into her and making her moan again.

It was really, really, really good. That's all Tatiana could think at the end of it. They were covered in sweat and frantically gasping for breath. She threw the covers off her self. It was way too hot. Severus lay back against the pillows recuperating from the frantic lovemaking he had just experienced. Tatiana lay back against his shoulder and touched his chest. He put his arm around her and she could feel his heart pounding like hers was.

"Severus," she said softly, "that was really, really good."

"Yeah," he said, "finally?" She smirked at him and pressed her lips to his.

"Was it worth the fight then?" he asked her slyly.

Tatiana nodded honestly.

He pulled the covers over them and they were asleep soon.

Tatiana woke up next morning, a little early because she had last night's memories flooding her head all night long. She had woken up to clarify whether it had really happened or not. Her eyes snapped open and it was true. She was naked, next to a naked Severus. She got out of bed and went to her bathroom and freshen up. When she came out, she saw Severus coming out of his. He had been smarter than her and put on some clothes.

"Tatiana," he said tiredly, "I am going back to sleep."

"Yeah, me too," she said with weary eyes, "I need to catch up on more sleep."

"Oh god I'm tired," he said getting into bed. She got in too.

"Severus," she said slipping her hand under his arm, "did you sleep well."

"Better than I usually do," he said grinning, "did you?"

"Yeah," she said shyly and he turned around to face her.

"Was it okay though?" he asked her. She was surprised to see his nervousness.

"It was perfect," she said stroking his bare shoulders, "You were really good."

"I didn't want to ruin your night by being a complete jerk now did I?" he said.

"Well, you didn't," she said genuinely, "and it couldn't have been better."

"I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked worriedly.

"No, no," she said quickly, "you were really, really gentle actually."

"But it sounded like I did at times," he said anxiously.

"Severus," she said blushing, "you were just really, really good."

"Yeah, you too," he said, "but really, it did sound like it was hurting you."

She blushed even more, "I can't help it, but it's not because of the pain."

He decided it was time to drop the nice-guy act and go back to taunting her like he did all the time. She was embarrassed and it was the perfect moment he thought wickedly, so he smirked and whispered in her ear, "So did you moan because it felt really, really, really good?"

She was really red now, "I am not going to answer that," she said curtly.

"Oh come on," he said clutching her bare waist, "you can tell me anything –

"Oh shut it," she said smiling despite herself and very, very cherry-red in the face.

"Fine," he said smirking, "then just tell me how your orgasm was then?"

She gasped and pushed him away from herself, "don't talk like that Severus."

"It's not like that," said Severus, "I'm just asking you whether it was good."

"Fine," she said irritably, "it was really good." He smirked openly.

"How good?" he whispered in her ear pulling her closer.

She threw the covers off her, "Okay. You want to know? I'll tell you then. It was really good okay? Don't torture me like this."

"Yeah mine too," he said kissing the back of her neck, "too good to be true."

"I know," she said, "Severus, there's no one I'd rather be with."

"Finally," he said rolling his eyes, "I've waited a long, long time for this."

He slipped his hand between her thighs and said, "You know what this means now?"

"Oh god, do I really want to know?" she said turning around and blushing bright red.

"This means," he said throwing her covers off her, "no more no touching rules right?"

She blushed but nodded. He kissed her, doing all the touching she never let him do earlier. Last night had been so good, but it was good to the extent that it was all a blur.

"Severus," she said smiling, "you made me feel so good last night."

"Me too Tatiana," he said putting his arm around her, "you were so perfect."

"I really meant it though," she said genuinely, "I'd rather be with you over any one else. I love you so much."

"Wow," he said amazed, "you never told me you loved me before."

"So what was the best part?" she asked, swiftly turning around to face him.

"The part where you screamed my name," he said snidely and she blushed even more.

"Don't make fun of me Severus," she said, "then I won't do any of it next time right?"

"You don't scare me Tatiana," he said, "I know exactly what to do to make you do it."

"No you don't," she said skeptically, "I can control what I do and what I don't do."

"Really?" he said turning and leaning over her, "let's just put that to the test right?"

"N-no," she said midway between fighting him and a moan as he ran his hand between her thighs again, each finger sending a new electric wave over her, "Severus don't –

"Give up then?" he said letting go of her.

"Yeah sure," she said quickly, and then recalling, said, "sorry about the scratches –

"Don't worry," he said remembering the cuts in his back, "I must have been good."

"A little too good don't you think?" she said.

"You did maul my back," he said, smirking, "but at least I'll always remember this."


	26. Chapter 26

_**Chapter 26**_

Maybe Alicia had been right then. Physical intimacy does improve things a lot. She had written to Tatiana a few times after her visit, hoping things were better and Tatiana had told her they were. They actually were a lot better. Severus, well, he was still the same and they fought like they always did but he loved her. She was trying too. It was hard to suddenly love someone else, but she definitely was extremely attracted to him.

He let her stay in his room too and didn't care about her being in there alone either. He still called her an 'unbearable snoop' and 'an uncontrollable hormone on the loose' but that was what he loved. He didn't even yell at her anymore, and only resorted to it when they fought. She knew how to handle him by now though and how to keep him coming back to her. Tatiana told Lily about her and Severus being intimate and she went and blabbed it to the rest of her friends. Tatiana had to spend a long, painful free class by the lake being interrogated by five giggling girls who snickered when Severus came to take her back to their dorm.

"Maybe I should tell my dear mother about what we've been up to," she said snidely.

"Yeah, that'll put her in the grave early won't it?" he said snickering.

"Can you imagine?" she said, "mum, yeah we aren't married but we fucked yeah."

"I don't know her," he said, "but she'd throw you out of the house then wouldn't she?"

"Worse," said Tatiana darkly, "she'd come grovel to you and ask you to kill me."

"That's right, she really likes me a lot. I'll bet she thinks I like her too," said Severus.

"She probably keeps pictures of you she worships once in a while," she said casually.

"I don't know why she hates you," he said skeptically.

"I wish I knew," she said sighing, "and I really, really wish I gave a shit."

"Well, I have a reason," he said indifferently. She looked questioningly at him.

"She hasn't fucked you," he said smirking. She rolled her eyes, "I'm telling you Tatiana, it's easy to hate you, but not after a good, solid fuck."

"Wow, I feel so significant suddenly," she said angrily.

"Oh shut up," he said yawning, "you know I don't care about your stupid mother."

She didn't say anything but she was relieved, "good, because she wants to kill me."

"No, no," he said very seriously, "she wants me to kill you."

Tatiana smiled reluctantly, "yeah, that's for sure Severus."

"I promise I won't kill you," he said seriously and then smirked at her.

"Well that's a relief," she said darkly, "seeing as you've already tried more than once."

"I didn't try and kill you," he said lazily, "you're too beautiful to kill."

"Oh shut it," she said getting up and pacing around, "you're such a brute Severus."

"Yeah, you should know," he said, sneering, "I made you scream enough last night."

"I was faking," she said hurriedly, "I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"No way," he said simply, "I know you too well. Why can't you admit you liked it?"

"I did admit it," she said indignantly, "I just don't want you to have a go at me."

"I have every right to," he said snidely, "remember the scratches on my back."

She looked very, very guilty, "Severus I'm so sorry –

"Are you kidding me?" he said, choking on his words, "it was the single most exhilarating experience of my life. God, I hope those scars never, ever go."

"But they bled Severus," she said, looking so guilty now, he pitied her.

"It doesn't matter," he said comfortingly, "it was the hottest thing you did to me."

"I wonder what the hottest thing you did to me was?" she said, grinning.

"It was the fight," he said unquestionably, "that was really hot."

"No it wasn't Severus," she said indignantly, "you took advantage of me –

"Oh come on," he said, "you're so fucking irresistible when you're angry."

"That's not fair," she said huffily, "because you really aren't."

"So what?" he said lazily, "I know you can't resist me when I'm a jerk."

"True, true," said Tatiana, "but you're better when you're sweeter you know?"

"Oh please," he said snidely, "I know you get all hot when I'm a badass."

"Well, that might make me wanna throw my clothes off, but doesn't mean I love you."

"Tatiana," he said picking her up, "I know you love me, don't try and fool me okay?"

"Okay," she said innocently, "I love you." He kissed her hitching her up, holding her.

"Every day it gets harder," he said. She smirked unzipping his trousers.

"What?" she said softly, "dealing with me, or trying to control yourself?"

"Both," he breathed as she unclasped her underwear.

"Let's do something about that," she whispered pulling him on to her.

One month left…only one more month and there would be no more Hogwarts. Tatiana felt a sinking sensation in her heart as she thought about all the people she may never see again, or people she couldn't be close to anymore. She knew lily would be marrying James as soon as school was over and maybe they would lose their closeness. She had no idea about Alice, but she knew that her wedding to Frank would be soon too and her other friends were not bothering with marriage this early. Severus and her would be married soon too.

She loved Severus. Tatiana loved him and there was no doubting that. Severus loved her. But there was always the fighting with them. Lily and James rarely fought, she thought jealously. She wished that Severus and her could get along a little better, but they were both easily angered and this made sure that they fought quite regularly. They never fought for long, but they bickered at least a few times a week, without fail. It was so easy to forgive him, thought Tatiana dismally, she didn't know why it was so easy, but a single apology out of his mouth would land her right back in his arms. It was the same for him.

She only wished they would perhaps get along a little better sometimes. In fact, just a day or two ago, they had had another bitter feud about the same old favorite topic: Regulus black. Tatiana refused again, to not invite him to the wedding. Severus erupted saying he would not stand for it. Tatiana had forgiven Regulus for that night and they had become friends again, but he respected the fact that she would be married soon and didn't make any moves on her. Severus was infuriated by the fact that he even talked to Tatiana.

To make matters worse, Severus had gone and had a fight with Lily too. They had been the best of friends, perhaps better than any Tatiana really knew, but he had gone and told her she was an idiot to think of marrying Potter. Lily had left the lonely potions dungeon in tears and Severus had stood there, fuming. Lily had been so close to him. She had wasted herself on that idiot Potter, thought Severus scathingly. Tatiana had cornered lily and asked her about what had happened and she told her about the hateful things Severus had said to her. Tatiana was enraged and cornered Severus next who told her to keep herself out of his business and not to bother him. She understood why he would say those things to lily, but he had no right to. He had no right to go and tell her what to do.

Tatiana's mother had written to Severus again. He lost his temper then. He was not angry with Tatiana. He tore the letter to little shreds and burnt them in the fire. She didn't even try and say anything to him because she knew exactly what was written in there. Margaret had tried once again to lure Severus onto her side. Tatiana didn't know that her father had known about the last letter, so she had no idea what the letter really contained. In reality, Margaret had written to Severus telling him about the news of her upcoming divorce. Tatiana's father had informed Margaret that he would be divorcing her right after the wedding. She had written to Severus to tell him that since she was now going to be unable to keep a firm hand over Tatiana, it was his job to do so. She also said that she needed his assistance to get proper alimony from her husband, because she was going to strip him of all his wealth to get revenge.

Tatiana decided it wasn't worth it to try and talk to him because she had tried all week and he had blown her off every single time. He hadn't even touched her. He didn't even talk to her properly. She wondered why he was being like this. He had said such nice things to her hadn't he? He was the one to say he loved her. He was the one who had said he couldn't live without her and he loved her more than anything in this world. She felt horribly rejected by the way he was treating her. When she came into the common room, he was bending low over his work ignoring her. He would say hi and so would she, but that would be the end of it. She wondered if he had ever felt anything for her at all. Tears would sting her eyes as she would go into her room and get to doing her own work. The worst of it was that lily wouldn't help her now that she was so put off with Severus. She said Severus deserved to suffer and told Tatiana to leave him as fast as she could. This wasn't the kind of advice Tatiana needed. She needed someone to understand what Severus wanted from her and why he was doing this to her. She needed someone to actually care.

Things were really not getting better at all, and she couldn't explain it. She knew he was angry with her about a few things, but they were really meaningless and didn't give him an excuse to act like this. She knew he was upset about lily and about Tatiana's mother's letter, but other than that, she had no idea why he was so horribly angry. Severus, on the other hand didn't know he was causing Tatiana such pain. He was angry with all the things that had happened recently to him, and being distant was his way of coping with it. He wasn't the type to discuss every little thing he felt and open his heart for public examining.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Chapter 27**_

Two weeks remained. Tatiana was bitter. Severus was worse.

She decided she had had enough of this and it was time for her to corner him and fix things once and for all. She had spoken to lily about putting their fight behind her and she had reluctantly agreed. She had said that Severus had to apologize to her for ever saying such things to her. Tatiana said she would talk to him and try to get him to be reasonable. She was so scared of how this might turn out. Even now, when he didn't talk to her, he at least didn't rage at her or make life too difficult. Tatiana was afraid that this might spark some kind of bitter war between them again. She had come a long way with him and it wasn't fair, the way he was treating people around him. Severus had hurt all the people around him he cared for.

"Severus," she said walking into the common room, "we need to talk."

He looked up from his parchment and said, "Is this relevant? I'm busy."

"You're always busy lately aren't you?" she said quietly, crossing her arms.

"What is your problem?" he said coldly, "are you incapable of leaving people alone?"

She looked a little shocked and said, "I didn't know I was supposed to do that."

"What the hell are you on about," he snapped.

"I mean, you act like I'm supposed to understand what you're doing," she said.

"You are," he said coldly, "don't badger me like you're my mother."

"I haven't badgered you once," she said, "I only wanted to talk to you."

"Go talk to someone else," said Severus getting back to his work.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked softly.

"God," he said shoving the papers away, "what the hell do you want from me?"

"I want you to start acting like you give a damn," she said angrily.

"Maybe I don't give a damn," he snapped standing up. She moved back a little.

"Are you mad Severus?" she said alarmed, "how can you say that?"

"I'm just saying what you'd like to hear," he said leaning against the chair.

"What the hell are you trying to say?" she said dangerously.

"You always want a problem to sink yourself into, right?" he spat, "I don't have a fucking problem. If I had one, I'd handle it myself thanks."

"I know you would Severus," she said, "I want to be there for –

"I don't need someone, anyone to try and manage my issues," he said coldly.

"I'm not trying to run your life for you," she said quickly, "I just wanted to help."

"Since when do I need your help?" he said stonily.

"I was just going to offer," she said, hurt, "you didn't need to accept it."

"Why would you think I even need you?" he retorted.

"Why are you saying these things?" she said startled.

"To get your thick brain to accept that it isn't your divine duty to set all things in this world that are wrong, right. Maybe you need to understand that," he said irately.

"You're my fiancé –

"But I'm not your fucking property!" he said moving closer, "get that straight."

"I never said that," she said indignantly, "I was trying to understand –

"I'm not an abandoned puppy looking for a home Tatiana," he raged, "God, you want to understand something, understand that I don't give a damn."

"Maybe I do give a damn," she said quietly, "maybe I care –

"Then how about this?" he said coolly, "go find someone else to care about."

"Severus," she said calmly, "why don't we just talk about what's really going on."

"There is nothing going on," he said irritably, "why can't you leave me alone?"

"Because I'm not a heartless wretch like you are Severus," she said.

Tatiana couldn't recognize him. She couldn't believe he was being like this. She couldn't believe this was the man she had fallen in love with. She had fallen in love him so deeply and now she couldn't recognize him anymore.

"Don't think the waterworks are going to change anything," he said coldly.

She hadn't even realized she was crying. He really didn't care about her she realized. He looked at her like she was something he despised, not something he had actually cared about. He looked at her like she made him sick.

"Listen to me Severus," she said trying not to cry anymore, "Just hear me out."

"Hurry up," he snapped callously, "I'm busy as you can see."

"Fine," she said, putting her feelings behind but unable to stop her silent tears, "the only thing I wanted to say was that I think you should apologize to lily because she misses you. Also, forget about the letter my mother sent you. That's all."

"Yeah whatever," he said sitting back at the desk and pulling the papers towards him.

"Lily just wanted me to tell you that," she said. He said nothing.

Tatiana stood there shocked at how callous he could be. He was crushing her. Say something…why can't you look at me like you usually do? Why can't you throw those papers down and hold me? Look me in the eye, she thought desperately.

"What are you waiting for?" he said impersonally.

"If you want to apologize for this," she said shuddering through her tears, "I'll be waiting in my room, all night long. If you come, I'll forgive you."

"Then its going to be one long night now isn't it?" he said viciously.

She turned around and went back into her room. She wouldn't sleep till he came.

He waited till she had closed the door behind her and pushed the papers out of his way. Why had he said that? He put his head in his arms and waited for the anger to stop bubbling in him. Should he go to her? No, he thought, she was doing what lily had wanted her to do and she didn't understand what he thought of Potter. She thought he was a right little prince, he thought bitterly. She didn't know what he felt. Let her suffer, he thought scathingly. The next second he felt a stone-heavy something drop in his stomach. She'll get over it, he thought worriedly, won't she? He hadn't meant what he had said, about not caring. He really cared about her. He just didn't want to talk about it, why didn't she understand?

Tatiana was sitting at the foot of her bed. She cried pitifully into the bed sheet, hating Severus and everything she felt for him. The thing she hated the most was, that just now, when he hurt her so much, she loved him more than she had ever loved him before. She loved him uncontrollably. She didn't care that he had hurt her, if he only came back to her. She knew he wouldn't. Why didn't he love her? She had done nothing to him. She thought about the fight they had just had and she cried harder. Why didn't he call her back when she walked out of that room? Why didn't he just tell her he didn't want to talk about it? Why did he have to treat her like she was something he was stuck with, something he'd rather be rid of? She loved him to the point that she would forgive anything he did to her right now. She only wanted him to love her too. He had stabbed her heart with every word he said tonight.

She waited…and she waited…and she waited for a long time. She sat there, at the foot of the bed for hours. When she couldn't cry anymore or think anymore, she fell asleep. It was a few hours till the sun would rise when her reluctant eyes closed, but her heavy heart continued to beat, each thump sending pain through her body. Severus wasn't asleep. He had been in the common room all night, staring into the fire. He saw nothing in the fire except her face. He wasn't sleepy. He was wide awake and surging with guilt. He wondered if she was still awake. He doubted she would have the energy to be awake. He had heard her crying for hours and hours…it never stopped. He covered his ears when she sobbed, but the sound wouldn't leave him. It was as if every painful breath she heaved drove a knife through him. He knew that what he had said tonight had confirmed that she had made a mistake agreeing to marry him. She had begun to love him, he thought dismally, and he had put an end to that so suddenly. He had ruined what they had worked for all these months. What was lily, that stupid letter and that idiot Black in front of what he felt for Tatiana? They were nothing. None of his problems came close to affecting his relationship with her. He didn't care about Black, and he knew she didn't love him. He knew that Tatiana was so hurt because she loved him so much. He appreciated that he had to fix things with lily once and for all, but he wondered if Tatiana would ever forget this. He knew she wouldn't. What he had said to her was unforgivable.

Her crying had stopped for a while and he supposed she was asleep. He crept silently across the room and stood outside hers. He pressed his ears against the door and listened. There was no sound. It had been about two hours and there had been no sounds from inside there. He clicked the door open softly and opened it. He was right. She was asleep near the foot of the bed. The bed sheet on next to her was still wet with her tears. Severus walked in softly, trying no to wake her. He gently slipped his hands under her and lifted her. She didn't even move. She was fast asleep. He put her on the bed and covered her with the blanket. He didn't know what to do. Why did he ruin things like this? If he had only tried to be nicer, kinder to her, maybe he would be next to her in that bed right now. Maybe, she would have not gone to bed crying. Maybe he would have kissed her goodnight and put his arms around her. Maybe she would have told him she loved him and closed her eyes, untroubled. He leaned over her and kissed her cheek and a tear from his own eye fell on her it. He impatiently wiped his eyes and walked out of the room, careful to close the door softly.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Chapter 28**_

Tatiana woke up just in time the next morning. She was dazed and very, very tired. She had had only about three hours of sleep last night. Last night…she thought of why she felt horrible this morning and then it all came back to her. She closed her eyes and tears began to come to her again. She hastily wiped them away and shook the thoughts out of her head. How did I get here anyway? She remembered quite clearly falling asleep on the foot of the bed. She saw she had even taken the blanket over herself. Well, she thought, maybe I felt cold at night and crept into bed.

It was a horrible day. Lily told Tatiana that Severus came and apologized to her early that morning and they were back to normal. Tatiana tried her best to be as happy for lily as she could, but she felt horrible. He had gone and apologized to lily, but he had ignored her completely. He had let her stay awake all night long, crying her eyes out while he probably slept comfortably in his bed. Tears sprang to her eyes again as she left lily and went to the bathroom. She went inside and locked the door. She looked in the mirror. She was a mess. Why shouldn't I be? I didn't sleep all night, I didn't eat and…this is getting too hard, she thought slumped against the wall. It's getting too hard to cope with him. She closed her eyes and took a deep shuddering breath. No one could see her like this, she thought frantically. She had to control it, at least till she was back in the safely of her own room where there was no one to worry her…or care for her.

Lily tried hard to try and talk to her during the day, but Tatiana always put on a cheery smile and changed the topic to how exciting it was about lily's upcoming wedding. It was a good strategy because she was very excited. They would both be maid of honor at each other's weddings. Lily was so happy about it that there were faint tears in her eyes whenever she spoke about it. They had been talking about the flowers and her gown when James found them. He looked happy too, walking with a bounce as he saw them chatting. Tatiana watched as they talked about how many people they were going to invite. She was happy for them, but she felt so, so very lonely as she watched them. It was like being an outsider. She felt horrible being there and ruining their little private moment. But she had nowhere to go now did she? She had no one to tell her she would be a beautiful bride or that their wedding would be wonderful. He was so nice in the way he casually teased her or the way his hand would automatically reach for hers. He was never mean. Why couldn't Severus be like that?

"So what do you think about the flowers Tatiana?" he asked her suddenly.

She smiled, trying to hide her sorrow and said, "I think it doesn't matter."

"Why not?" said lily curiously, "I mean, we want to know what you think."

"I think anything will look good at _your _wedding," she said genuinely, "you're both going to have so much fun. You won't even notice the stupid flowers right?"

"She's right lily," said James, "we're going to have a great wedding –

Tatiana had broken down when he said this and turned around and ran back, anywhere to get away from them. Lily tried to go after her. She called her name twice or thrice and even James followed her to an extent, but she ducked out of site and they didn't know where she was. They stood there, confused about what had just happened. Lily knew there was something wrong, something horribly wrong, but she didn't want to pester Tatiana for no reason at all. She decided she'd wait till she saw her again. Tatiana went back to the bathroom and slumped back against the wall. This was quickly becoming her favorite place. No one was there to bother her because no one came to this bathroom anymore. She waited there for a long time. She knew she would have missed some important classes today, but she didn't care about that right now. She just wanted to stay there and wait. The door opened. She started. It clicked open and someone walked in. Tatiana wiped her tears away and looked at who it was. It wasn't lily. It was Severus. He stood there for a minute and made to walk in.

"Tatiana, what are you doing here?" he asked, walking in.

"What people do in a girl's bathroom," she said, "I don't think you should be here."

"Look, come out," he said hastily, "I've been looking for you for a while –

"Who told you to look here?" she said getting up from the floor.

"Lily told me what happened earlier –

"I have to go," she said walking past him, "I have a class –

"Just wait a minute, I just want to talk to you." he said grabbing her arm.

He let it go as soon as he had grabbed it. Something had happened. A shock had passed through her body that had sent his hand flying off hers. She ran away as fast as she could manage it and Severus chased her, but he lost her very quickly.

She had locked herself back in some classroom, hoping he wouldn't find her. There was an hour left for school to get out and she would wait till she should get back to her room. She would lock it and make sure he would never get in there again. She was fuming. How dare he even try and touch her. She hated his hands all over her wrist. She could cut her wrist right off after he touched her. As if he has any right to come near me, she thought angrily. She couldn't believe how stupid she had been. She thought he would change. He won't. She sat down in the corner and banged her head against the cold cement. She had slept with him, she thought sickened. How stupid she had been, giving herself to him like that. Tatiana felt dirty, tainted and used. She could still feel him like she had that night. Why had he been so good? Why had she fallen in love with him? Just by sleeping with him she had cursed herself. Why hadn't she waited till after the wedding? At least then, she would have had the chance to save herself for someone who loved her like she did them. She should have given herself to Regulus that night, she thought angrily. Maybe he wouldn't have treated her like this.

She heard the familiar bell ring after an hour and she got up and left the room. There was no sign of Severus. She took a few shortcuts and reached the common room. She opened it and there was no one there. She heaved a sigh of relief and walked in. Tatiana didn't even bother to look anywhere else. She went into her room and began to enchant the door so that it wouldn't open, no matter what. She put the lights off the got back into bed. She needed to sleep and put this behind her. There was no way she would forgive Severus now. She had given him his chance that night. If he had only come, she wouldn't have asked any questions, and she would've forgiven him instantly. There was no chance of that anymore. Still, she wished he would just finish this off and come back and grovel. There was no hope though was there? She fell asleep almost instantly and didn't think about it anymore.

Tatiana's eyes snapped open. She got up and found Severus sitting on her bed.

"How did you get in here?" she said startled. She had put so many spells on the door.

"You weren't there for charms today were you?" he said casually.

"What do you want Severus?" she said pulling her covers out of his grasp.

"Listen, we really need to talk –

"No we don't," she said simply, wrenching more covers out of his hands.

"About that day Tatiana, please –

"We don't have anything to talk about Severus. Nothing at all," she said coldly.

"I didn't mean for what I said to sound like that –

"There was no other way it could sound. You said what you wanted to," she said smoothly, "It wasn't some mistake you made. You said what you meant to."

"Don't say that, it was just a stupid misunderstanding," he said dismissively.

"How can you think this is anything close to a joke?" she said stunned, "if you want to do something about this Severus, then get the hell out of my room right now."

"Don't get so angry, I really didn't mean –

"I gave up caring about what you mean and what you feel a long time ago," she said.

"How can you say that? Don't you love me?" he said alarmed.

"I'm not even going to bother answering you," she said coldly, "I am not going to bother doing anything with you anymore Severus."

"Tatiana, we made love," he said trying to hide his hurt, "how can you say –?

"I am just learning to feel the same thing you feel for me," she said, "nothing at all."

"Tell me you remember that night?" he said desperately, "tell me you loved me –

"That was the biggest mistake I have ever made," she said shuddering.

He didn't say anything. She looked away, not regretting anything she had said.

"Why can't we get past this?" he said looking down at the crumpled covers.

"Because you made sure of that," she said, still looking anywhere but at him. She knew that if she looked at him, she would forgive him something unforgivable.

"I love you," he said traumatized, trying to hold her hand. She moved it away.

"Go find someone else to love," she said, tears flowing down her eyes.

"Just try and forgive this Tatiana, I'll do anything," he said finally grabbing her hand.

"You'll do anything?" she said looking at him.

"Anything at all," he said gripping her hand tightly.

"Leave this room right now," she said turning away, "I want to be alone."

The grip on her hand slackened and he said, "I'll go…"

She nodded, still not looking at him but not moving her hand away.

"Just remember, I love you," he said softly as he left the room.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Chapter 29**_

Tatiana had not forgiven him, but at least they could manage formal conversation now. She didn't look at him the way she used to. He didn't push anything on her because he knew she was really upset. At least she was trying to talk him a little, he thought relieved. Lily tried to ask her is everything was alright with Severus and her, but Tatiana smiled and told her it was all good. Lily wasn't stupid and she knew something had gone horribly wrong. So she attacked Severus and asked him if it was okay and he said he didn't wanna talk about it. They were sitting in potions class again, together, like they had sat for the last seven years.

"Listen Severus," said lily, "I want to know what's up because she won't tell me."

"She didn't tell you?" he said amazedly, "I wonder why?"

"Yeah, I wondered too," said lily, "which is why I need to know what's up –

"I can't tell you exactly –

"I don't care what it is," she cut in, "I need to know Severus, now."

"Fine," he snapped angrily, "I was upset about you earlier and then that bitch, her mother wrote me another one of her choicest letters and to top it all off, and this is the red cherry on the cake, Tatiana and that lover of hers are back to being best friends."

"Wow," said lily alarmed, "there's a lot she hasn't told me about then right?"

"Yeah," he said, "but that isn't the end of it at all. See, she came to me and saying she wanted to talk. I don't know why, but I lost my temper and I said some really stupid things."

"Like what?" said lily dangerously and Severus looked away.

"I said she should go find someone else and stop wasting my time, I told her she was an unmanageable control-freak. I told her I don't give a damn about her…oh yeah…and I also don't give a damn about what she feels or says and loads of other stuff."

"I don't think you should marry her Severus," said lily sadly.

"Why not?" he said angrily, "What the hell are you talking about Evans?"

"I don't think she can take any more Severus," she said drearily, "I've known her for seven years and I know she's about to crack. If this is the way you treat her, just leave her."

"Evans," he said flabbergasted, "I love her."

"You don't know what love is Severus," she said quietly, "you have no idea."

"She knows I love her," he said edgily, "She slept with me didn't she?"

"Contrary to what men think," said lily stonily, "sex doesn't make everything right."

"Even after that," he said quickly, "she said she loved me."

"Then you've made it worse," said lily, "she's probably trying to get over you."

"Why do you people have to be so fucking complicated?" he said heatedly.

"It isn't complicated Severus," she said, "Its just something called being nice. All you have to learn to do is be yourself with her. She loves you. Make sure that doesn't end soon."

"I can't be myself with her," he said miserably.

"And why the hell not?" she snapped, slamming her book shut and looking angry.

"Evans, she isn't stupid like you," he said, "she'll hate the real me."

"She hates this," she said angrily, "this stupid, pointless monster you are."

"I have to be strong," he snapped, "I'm not some effeminate poof."

"I know," she said, "you want to be a man? Treat everyone else like shit. Don't act like you don't care about someone unless you really don't."

He didn't say anything. She looked content with what she had said. It was true.

"Look Evans," he said shiftily, "I don't want her to know –

"It's a secret," said lily, "only if you make an effort to try not to be a monster."

"Did you mean that?" he said worriedly, "that sex doesn't mean she loves me?"

"I didn't say that," said lily, "it's not true for her Severus. She slept with you because she loves you so, so much. But for some reason, you don't get that."

"I know she does, and so do I –

"Then why the hell is all the happening?" she said enraged, "Severus, you hit her, you screamed at her, you degraded her and most of all, you threw her love away."

"I know Evans," he said furiously, "don't rub it in my face –

"I'm doing no such thing," she retorted, "I don't need to anyway, you've managed it."

"What the hell are you on about now?" he said irritably.

"Look how much it's killing you just because she won't talk to you," she said smoothly, "if you didn't care about her so much, you wouldn't look like that Severus."

"Look like what?" he snapped.

"Go get some sleep Severus," said Lily kindly, "it looks like you really need it."

Severus had to admit, Evans was right. Tatiana made him angry alright, but that didn't mean he had any right to treat her the way he had all those times. He had done worse than slap her or injure her. He had made sure she might go back to that swine, Black.

Tatiana had been on generally pleasant terms with Regulus ever since that strange night in the dungeons and had forced herself to forget about it completely. She also knew that the time had come to take matters into her own hands. She knew Regulus wouldn't break up with her even when she was married, but she had to do it herself, no matter how hard it was. She cornered him after school was over and asked him to come with her.

"What is it Tatiana?" he said worriedly, locking the classroom door behind him.

"Look Regulus," she said shakily, "we really need to talk –

"Don't worry, I didn't tell anyone about that night –

"No, not that," she said hurriedly, "I meant us."

He looked a little uncomfortable now and said, "what about us?"

"I think its time Regulus –

"Tatiana, isn't there any way –

"No Regulus, I can't do this –

"I have loved you too much to watch you do this –

"No," she said, tears in her eyes, "I wish there was a way–

"No you don't," he said gloomily, "I know you slept with Severus."

"Yeah, I did," she said sadly, "but I wish I was marrying you instead –

"You can," he said coming closer, "just leave him. I will marry you in an instant."

She sobbed and said, "I can't. You know I can't do that –

"Do you love him?" said Regulus, not wanting to know that answer.

She looked a little sickened and said, "I won't lie to you. I love Severus."

Regulus smiled, "its okay Tatiana, I understand."

She looked shocked and said, "What do you mean Regulus?"

"I wish we were meant to be," he said softly putting his hand on hers, "but we just aren't. You and Severus are. I just wish things were easier for you Tatiana."

She gave a wet smile and said, "Yeah, I wish he loved me the way I love him."

"He loves you a lot more," he said offering her a handkerchief.

"He doesn't Reg," she said sadly, "he treats me like I am nothing to him."

"Because he's too afraid to admit to himself that he loves you that much," he said wisely, "I know him. We used to be friends. He hates being helpless."

"Well, I don't know what to do about him," she said crying again, "He hates me –

"Don't say that," he said patting her back gently, "he has his moments."

"I really mean it when I said I wished I could marry you," she said.

"I wish that too Tatiana," said Regulus gently, "but we have to move on."

"Why," she said sadly, "can't I marry someone who loves me too?"

"You wait," he said reassuringly, "he'll come back to his senses."

"I still love you," she said hugging him.

"I do too," replied Regulus genuinely, "but I love you like my best friend now."

She smiled, "yeah, me too. I think I can live with that Regulus."

He smirked and said, "A best friend who gave me a great handjob –

She looked mortified, "Let's pretend that never happened."

"Can I have one last kiss," he said skeptically. She nodded. He pressed his lips softly against hers and entwined his fingers in hers.

"Am I interrupting something?" said a cold voice from behind them. It was Severus.

"This isn't what it looks like Severus," said Tatiana breaking away from Regulus.

"Yeah, she just broke up with me," said Regulus unhelpfully.

"I'm talking to my fiancé Black," snapped Severus, "just stay out of this."

"Look Severus," said Tatiana, "let me explain –

"I was actually feeling sorry about those things I said to you," he said coolly.

"You should be," she retorted, "but that doesn't mean you understand what this –

"Oh don't I?" he said smoothly, "you were gluing your face to him right?"

"Look Snape," said Regulus heatedly, "don't treat her like that. She's telling you the truth. She called me here to break up with me because I didn't have the guts to do it."

"How charming," said Severus, "I didn't know people groped after a break up –

"You're getting the wrong idea Severus –

"Shut up," he said coldly, "and get back to the room. We're going to settle this."


	30. Chapter 30

_**Chapter 30**_

"Why did you do that Severus?" said Tatiana as she came into the common room.

"Because you were kissing another guy," said Severus angrily.

"I told you we were breaking up," she said slamming the door shut behind her.

"Like I said, a simple handshake would have done –

"A handshake?" she said indignantly, "that wasn't my boss –

"He wasn't your husband or your boyfriend either," he snapped heatedly.

"I know, that's why I was putting an end to it –

"I don't want to know about your petty little teenage fling –

"It wasn't a fling Severus, we dated for two years," she said angrily.

"But we made love Tatiana, and you didn't care about that at all –

"Who said I didn't care? Off course I care about that –

"No you don't," he said heatedly, "if you cared, you wouldn't have let him touch you."

"It was an innocent kiss," she said turning away and taking a deep breath.

"You know what?" he yelled, "I'm tired of this nonsense."

She turned around and said, "Its not my problem if you can't see what that was –

"You've got to be fucking blind no to see what that was," he snapped, "how dare you go around toying with other guys when you're supposed to be my fiancé."

"I was not toying around. He was kissing me one last time –

"Well how romantic," said Severus, "why didn't you just fuck just to make it better –

"Don't say that Severus," she said startled, "I didn't mean it to be romantic –

"Then what was it supposed to be?" he said shaking with anger, "tragic?"

"I can't believe you're thinking like this –

"Then what the hell do you want me to think?" he said loudly, losing his head, "I mean, I walk in to get my Charms book after I had a long lecture from Evans about how you're such a victim and I need to treat you better. She even had me convinced about that. It figures, that I walk in to see your lips glued to Black's, just what I always expected."

"Look," she said calmly, "why don't you just hear me out."

"Go right ahead," he said sitting down on the couch and looking at her.

"I decided this afternoon after talking to Lily that Regulus was never going to break up with me. I went after school to find him. I called him to that classroom with me. He didn't want to end this when I spoke to him about it. Then he asked me if I loved you and I said I did. He said it was okay, he understood, and we decided it was over then. He asked me for one last kiss and I did what I wanted to do, I kissed him."

"And the part where I'm supposed to be understanding is?" said Severus.

"Just understand that I wasn't cheating on you and it's over now regardless of anything you might think," she added furiously.

"Oh you've got one hope in hell if you think I'm buying that crap," he said scornfully.

"I am not lying to you," she said hysterically.

"I don't give a shit," he said getting up, "you need to be taught a good lesson –

"On what?" she said, "on how to hate and rage at the people you love? Or perhaps how to ruin friendships? What else do you want to teach me Severus?"

"I'm going to teach you to keep your mouth shut –

"I'm not going to do that," she said, "you've tried and failed before Severus."

"Doesn't mean I'm not going to try for the fun of it –

"Its fun is it Severus?" she said in a deadly whisper, "do you find it amusing when you ruin my life? So that's why you and my dear mother seem to correspond so much –

"Don't make shit up Tatiana, I'm warning you –

"What the fuck are you going to do then?" she raged at him. He looked startled.

"Are you crazy?" he said coming closer to her.

"Yeah, I am," she said boldly, "and that's why I'm not scared of you. You can do what you want to me. I won't even stop you. Hit me. Do anything you want to me."

He gave her a filthy look and said, "Don't think I won't –

"I never said that I thought like that," She said, "I want to know for sure if you're the coward I think you are Severus."

"I am the coward?" he said, "You have the audacity to call me –

"If you were a real man," she said bitterly, "you wouldn't say these things –

"Get out of my sight," he said maliciously.

"Gladly," she retorted barricading herself in her room.

She was so shaken up by this recent feud that she had to stop dead for a few minutes in her room before she could stomach what had just happened. She only had a few minutes when there was an angry knocking on her door. She opened it and Severus stood there.

"This isn't over," he said pulling her out, "I want this dealt with right now."

"I can't talk to you?" she yelled at him, "I can't talk to some brute –

"Shut up," he said roughly, "I'm not going to stand for all this bullshit –

"I can't help you there," she said brusquely, "go handle your own problems –

"This is exactly what I'm talking about," he said coldly, "I'm laying down rules."

She gave a mirthless laugh, "rules? You aren't my father Severus."

"First," he said viciously, "you will not, ever, use that tone with me again."

"Oh fuck you Severus," she said nastily, "I don't care about what you want."

"Second," he continued, "I'm boss. What I say goes. Got it?"

"Keep on dreaming Severus," she said, but she was growing worried now.

"Third," he said sharply, "I'm right. No matter what. Deal with it."

She walked away from him but he seized her arm and she cried in pain. He didn't let go but he didn't hold it so tightly anymore. He wrenched her closer to him.

"Don't you dare walk away from me," he said in a strangled voice. She didn't say anything. She looked away, willing the tears to go away but they dripped from her eyes.

"Why are you doing this," she said choking back tears.

"Why am I doing this?" he said angrily, trying hard not to look at her, "you're the one who broke my heart and it's me whose at fault, why is that?"

"I did nothing to break your heart," she said trying to get free, but his grip tightened on her arm, "it's your wild imagination ruining things –

"Watch your mouth," he said coldly, "rule number three. I'm right, no matter what."

She didn't say anything but closed her eyes in despair. He looked back at her.

"You've really ruined this," she said softly, "we really could have been something –

"No we couldn't," he said shortly, "you made sure of that will your little affair."

"We aren't married Severus," she said angrily, "it doesn't even count –

"But we're almost married," he retorted enraged, "just because you think we aren't –

"Let me go Severus," she said, "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"I don't care," he said shoving her roughly against the wall, "you shut up and listen."

She looked disgustedly at what he had become. She didn't make an effort to move.

"I am sick and tired of you bossing me around like you own me," he said coldly. She didn't know what to say. She had never done that before.

"I am tired of swallowing the shit Evans dishes out to me about how innocent and caring you are," he continued, "both of you are full of shit." Tatiana said nothing.

"I know you're little affair with Black was on even when we had sex –

"That's not true," she said panicking, "that is bullshit –

"Oh don't give me that," he said and she shut up, "I am sick of your lies."

"I have not lied to you once," she said, tears shivering down her face.

"I gave you everything and you gave me nothing but lies in return –

"I gave you whatever you asked for!" she cried in scandalized tones, "you wanted me to stop seeing Regulus, I did that. I love you and I did what you wanted."

"If it's the sex you're talking about –

"Yes it's the sex I'm talking about!" she said appalled, "I gave myself to you!"

"That changed nothing," he snapped, "you continued to be deceitful –

"What happened that night was not planned Severus; I did it because I love you."

"How stupid do you think I am?" he said incredulously, "don't you think I know all about your little plan? I know you were whoring yourself behind my back all this time. If you think I'm going to take this, you're wrong. Keep your cheap, pointless love to yourself."

She couldn't believe he was saying these things. She had thought that when they made love, it was a mutual understanding that they did love each other.

"Don't say these things Severus," she said softly, breaking under his words.

"I have had enough of this," he snapped pushing her away, "I have had it with you."

She turned away and walked back to her room, pausing to look back at him for a moment. She thought she had perhaps seen some remorse in his face, but she was wrong. In reality, he felt a lot more remorse than she thought he did, but he wouldn't show it.

At those words, she knew she had made a huge mistake agreeing to marry Severus.

At those words, Severus knew the kind of damage that had just been done.


	31. Chapter 31

_**Chapter 31**_

Tatiana didn't bother to even look at Severus as she walked out of the common room next morning. She hadn't slept at all. This was becoming a matter of routine, she thought miserably. Severus gave no sign of having seen her either. He was tired, upset and didn't want to bother with her right now. All he could see when he saw her was her lips pressed against Regulus Black's like they were meant for each other. They are aren't they? He thought dismally of their kiss as he piled his books into his bag. She wouldn't sit with him in charms, he knew that. He doubted lily would bother to talk to him either after this.

There was a little more than a week left for school to be over once and for all and everyone was working as hard as they could. They would be having their NEWTs soon and although Tatiana was sure she would do well, being the smartest witch in her year, she had been working hard all year long and there was no need for her to do badly because of the problems in her personal life. Severus didn't make any effort to distract himself either. His feeling towards Tatiana had not changed and neither had hers. Lily had tried to talk to both, but it made no difference. She hadn't raged at Severus at all and had tried to help him, but he blew her off and it wasn't spoken of again. She tried to help Tatiana, but she was too far gone. She told her straight that she didn't care about Severus and it didn't matter to her.

When it was nearing lunch, Tatiana walked down the corridor to the great hall with her friends, lily and Alice. Regulus caught up with them and they made their way to the lake where they would be eating their lunch. Regulus, she was proud to say, was doing his best to make sure he wasn't making her uncomfortable. He spoke equally to all three girls and didn't make it seem like he was singling Tatiana out, even though his eyes would flit towards her every few seconds. Lily was helping him along, talking animatedly to him while Alice and Tatiana talked about NEWTs. Alice had gotten engaged too.

"Hey Smith," said Regulus, "Tell them about what happened to Binns yesterday."

She hid her surprise and said, "oh yeah, he called Black Mr. Bald."

The girls giggled and poked fun at their history professor while they ate lunch. About an hour had passed and they got up in a good mood, to go back to their classes. Tatiana and lily had a free class right after lunch everyday so they walked back to the corridor wondering what to do. Tatiana walked into the cool corridor with lily when she saw Severus leaning against a pillar and staring at her. She stopped dead and lily looked worried.

"Come with me," he said catching hold of Tatiana and pulling her away.

"Look Severus," began Lily angrily but he paid her no attention.

"Don't worry Lily," said Tatiana shakily, "I'll just be a minute."

He pulled her into a corridor and she couldn't see them anymore.

Tatiana looked back at her and gave her a reassuring smile. Lily knew better than to believe that. She knew Severus had seen them with Regulus that afternoon and how he been so close to Tatiana, even though he couldn't help it. She knew he had seen him flick her hair back playfully or absentmindedly toy with her hand. Lily broke into a fast walk, looking everywhere for James. She knew he was the only one to stop whatever it was Severus was doing to Tatiana in that corridor he had dragged her into.

"What is it Severus?" she asked him politely, shaking with fear.

"Oh nothing," he said moving a little away, "nothing at all."

"Then why have you dragged me here?" she said, "I was busy you know."

"I saw how busy you were," he said coldly.

"Then explain to me why you had to bring me here," she snapped.

"All in good time," he said maddeningly, "all in good time."

"I have better things to do that wait on you," she said coolly.

"Oh I'm sure of that one," he said with a mirthless laugh.

"Get to the point Snape," she said heatedly.

"Don't forget the rules we made," he said in an annoying sing-song tone.

"It's hard to forget them," Tatiana snapped.

"Good, maybe they'll teach you a few manners you need to know –

"For the last time, what do you want Severus?" she asked him.

"Oh I don't know," he said feigning innocence, "perhaps an explanation."

"An explanation for what exactly?" she asked him, keeping her tone steady.

"Oh you know," he said casually, "just the usual –

"Can you please, and I am begging you, just get to the point?"

"Why were you with Black again?" he said sweetly.

"Because he's still my friend and nothing will change that," she said smoothly.

"Something will have to change that," he said, "and it's going to be me."

"Don't try and run my life for me Severus," said Tatiana.

"Someone has to," he snapped, "since you seem to be doing a shit job at it."

"What do you want with me Severus?" she said angrily.

"To give you a warning," he said coldly, "I am not about to let you go and destroy my reputation in one go. Stay away from Black or you'll both regret it."

"I am not threatened by you," she hissed pushing him aside and moving away.

He caught hold of her and pushed her against the wall. She was too used to this to care anymore, but she could see he was really angry now. She couldn't tell why…

"Severus," she said pressed up against the wall, "let me go this instant."

"And what are you going to do if I don't?" he riposted shoving her back to the wall.

She didn't say anything. She looked away, hoping he'd just drop her and go away. She knew that wasn't about to happen. There was a strong stench of firewhiskey emanating from him and she knew how drunk he must be to be doing this.

"Say something," he yelled at her, a little out of desperation.

"What the hell do you want me to say?" she screamed at him. "Let me go? I did that a few times, you don't want to listen. What the hell do you want me to do now?"

"Keep quiet," he commanded her sharply, "I'm not going to stand for a scene here. You listen up and listen well, and don't you dare shout at me again."

"Then don't shout at me," she hissed urgently.

"I can do whatever I want," he said roughly, "you need to watch your mouth."

"What has become of you?"

"Oh nothing at all," he said sneering heavily, "just bringing some control back into my life. You thought you had fooled me there for a moment, right? You thought wrong."

"I never fooled you with anything," she said frantically.

"Yeah right," he said coldly, "and what were you and Black? Study buddies?"

"You knew we didn't do anything!" she cried desperately, "I never cheated on you, not once! I stayed away from him when we were together and you know that!"

"No. That's what you told me," he snapped, "that doesn't mean it's what really happened now does it? How do I know what you were really doing?"

"It's called trust!" she yelled, tears burning her eyes.

"Look where trust got me Tatiana!" he hissed pressing his hand hard against her neck.

"This is your fault," she choked out trying to prize his hand off her neck, "I didn't do anything with Regulus, but your wild imagination convinced you of it."

He pressed his hand harder against her neck and said, "Lies. I am sick of them."

"You don't want to hear the truth!" she sobbed, tears running down her face, her neck and onto his hand, "you want me to be unfaithful. You want an excuse to hurt me."

"You want an excuse to go running off with Black again," he hissed mercilessly, "I'm glad I caught you early on today. How do I know, you might have done worse than kiss him."

"I never slept with him!" she wailed, "I never let him touch me."

"I'll bet you used me when we had sex right?" he went on, "probably to lose your virginity to me so that you were free to go frolic with that slimy bastard."

"That's not true!" she cried, "I didn't even talk to him after that –

"I don't believe you," he said loudly, "I thought that when we made love, you actually felt something for me, but I was wrong wasn't I?"

"How can you say these things?" she yelled shoving him aside.

"Then what was it that night?" he said pulling her back and thrusting her against the wall again, "did you wish it was him that night? When you kissed me, did you wish that?"

She gasped, wiping the tears from her eyes, "I don't know you anymore. I can't believe you Severus. I loved you so much and you don't even care."

"You don't love me," he shouted, "you're incapable of love. You're a liar."

"I love you," she said pushing him, "it's you who doesn't care about me here."

"You don't love me," he snapped resuming his grip on her neck, "I would break your neck for lying to me all this time if I wasn't so merciful –

"Merciful?" she exclaimed, "please spare me your mercy, I don't want it –

"You'd be dead if I didn't have mercy –

"Please then, don't show me any mercy because I'd rather be dead than have this conversation with you. You are shameless Severus and you'll regret this."


	32. Chapter 32

_**Chapter 32**_

"What is it lily?" said James as she came into the study hall looking very, very worried.

"James, you have to come this instant," she said in a shaky voice.

He shoved his books aside and got out of his chair not bothering to pick it up as it toppled. People gave them curious looks as they bounded out of the hall.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" he said pulling her hand to make her stop.

She stopped abruptly and said, "Something's up with Severus –

"Oh please," he said rolling his eyes, "I'm not being Snivelly's mommy is that's –

"No James," she cried in fear, "he's really, really angry –

"Yeah because he's knee deep in his little dark-arts fantasies isn't he –

"Please listen to me," she said desperately, "he dragged Tatiana somewhere and it didn't look so good. I'm worried –

"They're getting married lily, they need their privacy –

"No James," she said loudly, "it isn't like that! That's not what's going on. He looked really unbalanced and I think he's drunk –

"Did you see where they went?" he asked worriedly walking quickly now.

"I don't know exactly," she said anxiously, "but let's hurry up okay?"

They walked quickly down the corridors only pausing for a moment to find out where they were. They could only hear the voices of excited students and there was no sign of them.

"No, you're going to regret what you've done to me," said Severus coldly.

"How much did you drink?" she asked him reproachfully.

"None of your fucking business," he said loudly shoving her hard against the wall.

"Severus," she said warily, "I am begging you, just let me go."

He pressed himself up against her, squashing her to the wall and regained his brutal grasp on her neck, "I am not going to let you go. Not now, not ever."

James and lily were running down the corridor where she had lost Tatiana earlier. They looked wildly in all the classrooms, one after the other…

"Oh god, I don't want this to go on," she cried closing her eyes tightly.

"It will, until you learn how to tell the truth," he said shoving himself onto her harder.

"I love you!" she yelled bringing her hands up to protect herself from him.

"I said don't lie!" he yelled right back grabbing both her arms in one hand.

"That is not a lie!" she cried, moaning as he pressed himself harder against her.

"Yes it is," he hissed. He shoved her head back against the wall with his hand and pressed his lips against hers. She whimpered as he stuck his tongue into her and kissed her as hard as he could. She fought him off with her arms, but she couldn't manage it.

He stopped kissing her and said, "You don't know anything of love."

"Don't you ever touch me again," she said in a whisper shaking with unkempt rage.

"I'll touch you all I want," he snapped grasping the back of her neck hard.

"I hate you," she shuddered, tears channeling down her cheeks.

"I don't care," he said harshly, "about what you think or feel at all."

"You will regret this Severus," she said shakily, "I don't love you anymore."

He lost his temper. In one swift movement, he removed his hands from behind her neck and moved them down to her torso. She cried out in pain as he clutched her on both sides at the ribs and shoved her so hard against the wall that she was actually help up a foot above the ground by his brutal hands. He could feel every heaving breath she took transmitted through her chest to his hands. He seemed to come to senses immediately and saw what he had done, but by that time, he was too late. He felt something fly at him and the next second he was propelled a few feet away and Tatiana slumped to the floor, very shaken up, but apparently unhurt. Severus looked up to see what had happened, and he saw James Potter with Lily behind him, both pointing wands at him.

"What the hell is going on?" yelled Potter. Severus made to get up and lunge at him, but he shoved him back with a flick of his wand. Severus was held against the wall.

Lily ran to Tatiana and helped her up. She got up shakily, and it took a few tries before she could actually walk without blacking out for a few seconds. She looked at Severus bound to the wall and walked up to him. She looked into his cold, hard eyes.

"I am not marrying you," she said softly.

"What?" spoke all three voices at once. Lily looked relieved, James shocked and Severus, like nothing she had seen before. He looked horrified.

"I am not marrying you," said Tatiana, tears falling from her eyes again.

That was the end of it.

Severus was held in his place by James, who was joined by his friends a few minutes later. Tatiana made sure to tell them to leave him alone. They did. James made sure his friends called Professor McGonagall and Professor Slughorn so that Severus could be dealt with. Lily took Tatiana back to her room where she helped her pack up. She didn't cry and she didn't say anything at all. They pack in silence. It took a few minutes and Tatiana was ready to leave that room. Lily said she would go and call McGonagall so that Tatiana could live in the Gryffindor dormitory again. Lily closed the door behind her leaving Tatiana alone in the room one last time. She looked around. The fireplace…scenes came to her mind…Severus in the firelight offering her his shirt…Lucius in the fire…her mother's letter burning…

She walked over to Severus' room and opened it. Tears shuddered down her cheeks again as she thought of all the bitter and wonderful memories this room had for her…Severus hitting her…Tatiana crying after she read her mother's letter…losing her virginity in this very room and that wonderful night…Zabini…Severus teasing her about sleeping with him…she clutched the door so that she wouldn't lose her balance. Why was Severus like that? Why was he so maddeningly bipolar? One moment, he was holding her gently, making love to her and the next he was slamming her against the wall and telling her she was a deceitful cheat.

She decided one last look around her favorite place wouldn't hurt. She walked in and saw a notebook lying on his desk. It was the only thing lying there and looked out of place. She went over and sat on his bed. She picked up the notebook and read the title. It was his potions notebook. She opened it and saw his untidy scrawls filling pages not leaving a single blank space. She flipped through it till the end. There were funny doodles drawn on the last two pages. She smiled faintly as she saw something resembling James Potter on fire. Her eyes ran over the vestiges of her love for Severus. It was cute the way he had written silly little notes all over the page about how boring potions was today. Her eyes caught her name in one of the little scribbles. It was actually another doodle. She recognized herself in the little cartoon with long black hair and skinny stick-figure arms. Her name was captioned too. Next to her was Severus wearing a crown and she would only have recognized him because of a caption underneath the figure. Another doodle was walking away from them dejectedly and Tatiana recognized the scribbled name as Regulus. She smiled at the silly cartoon but started crying right after. She opened her bag and put the notebook in it. Tatiana heard the door open so she came out of the room, giving it one last miserable look. It was McGonagall and Lily who had just come inside.

"Ms. Smith," said McGonagall authoritatively, "I have been informed of the circumstances and you are permitted to stay in the Gryffindor dormitory again."

"Thank you professor," said McGonagall said Tatiana.

"Don't worry dear," said McGonagall kindly, "these things happen to the best of us. I'm sure he will come crawling back to you." She smiled faintly.

"I don't think so," said Tatiana bitterly, "but at least I can get away from all this."

"You can move your belongings whenever you want," said McGonagall.

"Thanks a lot professor," said Lily brightly and McGonagall left the girls alone.

The girls stood in silence for a minute. Tatiana looked around at the room once more and lily looked at her carefully.

"What is to become of Severus," asked Tatiana, dreading the answer.

"He's not in too much trouble," said lily, "I spoke to Slughorn and told him he was drunk, so he didn't know what he was doing. The school's made sure he can't come near you at all. Other than that, he's been signed up for detention everyday till school's over and lectures on stuff he should already know."

"Like what?" asked Tatiana curiously.

"Like on how to treat your friends and loved ones and other stuff," said lily.

"Oh, I see," said Tatiana bitterly.

"Yeah, I hope he can learn something from all that as soon as possible," said lily.

"It doesn't matter to me," said Tatiana cynically, "he doesn't matter to me."

"Yeah, but I've got to believe there's a better person in him," said lily desperately.

"I gave up on that one a long, long time ago," said Tatiana miserably.

"Did you mean it?" asked Lily nervously.

"Mean what?" said Tatiana.

"When you said you weren't going to marry Severus," said lily.

"Yes," said Tatiana genuinely.


	33. Chapter 33

_**Chapter 33**_

Her last days in Hogwarts were easier than she thought they would be. Her NEWTs had gone famously and her friends were being very, very supportive. She could also genuinely appreciate the two wonderful weddings coming up. James was still very worried about Tatiana and made it a point to hunt her down at least twice a day and ask her if she was alright. Tatiana laughed and told him not to worry so much. Alice and frank were the same after they heard. It had been good earlier when there were three weddings coming up, but now there were only two. Contrary to what they thought, Tatiana was actually much happier this way. She had written to her parents and told them she had called her wedding off. Her father was very, very shocked but didn't press her for details. Her mother sent her a howler that erupted in the Great Hall at lunch, causing a raucous of laughter from the Slytherins but angry glares from the other three houses. She saw Severus looking at her, but she turned away and dived into conversation with her friends.

Regulus had heard what happened the very next morning from lily and came to talk to Tatiana. They had a long conversation and decided that they would continue to be friends because neither wanted to be a couple again. They still liked each other but they couldn't stand another escapade like this one. Tatiana didn't want anyone in her life after all of this and Regulus had been so heart broken after Tatiana had been forced into some crackpot wedding that he didn't want to take a chance. At least they were back to being close friends again, thought Tatiana, relieved. She had even fixed Regulus up with one of her friends and he was getting along quite well with her. She was happy for them.

Severus still tried to have a conversation with Tatiana once or twice but the protective charms that had been placed on her by McGonagall made sure he couldn't come within ten feet of her. He tried once when she was coming out of the library. He was waiting for her and he stood in front of her. He stood for a moment and then we was pushed backwards by an invisible hand. He cursed and went away. He tried to shout something out to her from across the classroom once, but something happened and his tongue began to choke him till he stopped talking. Tatiana hid the tears in her eyes when he couldn't talk to her, but she was relieved. She didn't want to have anything to do with him.

And then it came, the last day in school. Tatiana told her father she wanted him to accompany her back on the train and he promised he would. It was very sweet of him. He knew something had gone wrong because Tatiana had called off her wedding and he knew she needed him more than ever now. He would come to Hogwarts and they would go back home together on the train, one last time. She woke up early that day and found lily sitting in her bed looking outside the window with a faraway expression on her face.

"What's up Evans?" asked Tatiana sleepily, looking out at the wonderful morning.

"We'll never be back here again Tatsi," she said incredulously, "this is the end."

"Yeah," she said sadly, "I'll miss it more than anything."

"Me too," she said, "this is the only place I can call home Tatiana."

"Same here," said Tatiana, "I'll never forget these memories."

Lily smiled, "yeah the best and the worst."

Tatiana smiled too, "hey, thanks for seven years of being a great friend."

"You too," said lily, "but we have forever. We'll never stop being friends right?"

"Right," said Tatiana proudly.

Their last day was perfect. It was time to say what you've always wanted to. There were huddles of weeping friends many last hugs and kisses. Tatiana spent the whole day with her friends, but all the while missing Severus. He had been her friend too and she wished she could just put whatever happened behind her, but she knew it wasn't possible. It was a dangerous mistake to make and lily warned her not to go near Severus. She saw miserably how lily said a final goodbye to Severus and hugged him.

"That hug was from your side," said lily coming back, "but I didn't tell him that."

Tatiana smiled faintly, "thanks."

"I'll miss him," said lily sadly, "we've been friends my whole life."

"Why does it have to end?" asked Tatiana incredulously.

"It won't end," said lily, "its just difficult being friends with James around now."

Tatiana nodded. The next second James and Sirius came to join the girls.

"Hey Tatiana," said Sirius with a smirk, "how's the babe who shagged my brother?"

Tatiana rolled her eyes and smiled, "What bullshit."

"Oh I'm just twisting your cauldron," he said thumping her on the back.

"Leave her alone man," said James with an amused smile at Sirius.

"No, no I was just saying," said Sirius with a naughty twinkle in his eyes, "is she's that cut up about Snivelly, she could always resort to having an awesome fling right?"

"What, are you offering then?" said Lily with a smirk.

"Hell yeah," said Sirius with a wink at Tatiana who rolled her eyes again, "I'm sure hot, wild and potentially damaging one-night-stand with me is enough to cheer anyone up."

Tatiana giggled, "I wouldn't want to interrupt you and your boyfriend though."

Sirius smacked her playfully while the other two doubled up with laughter.

"I'll have you know," said Sirius, "I'm known for amazing one-night-stands."

"With what?" said James shoving him, "your pillow?"

Sirius punched him in the stomach and said, "Tell lily what you were doing last week."

"No way," said James still laughing, "don't you do that or I'll tell everyone about –

"Okay, okay," said Sirius, "the ladies don't need to know."

"When you guys stop talking about your sordid lives," said lily, "let's get on the train."

They got on the train after many long goodbyes with other people and professors. James found them a good compartment and Tatiana left them to find her father. He had been waiting on the platform when she found him.

"Hi daddy," she said pleasantly, reaching up to hug him.

"My baby isn't in school anymore," he said happily, "what a relief."

"Yeah, but she still isn't of age," said Tatiana sadly.

"Don't worry, just two weeks now isn't it?" said her father amusedly.

They found a small compartment and had a fairly uneventful journey back home. Her father tried to ask her about what happened with Severus but she didn't seem keen on giving details. She told him that they found they didn't really get along and they shouldn't marry. Her father didn't question her after that and they resumed conversations about how school had been and how she had done at her exams. A few of her friends came in to say hello to her father and it was a pleasant journey back. Still there was the stone in her heart that weighed her down no matter what happened. Her father was asleep after a while and she realized how tired he must have been. She closed her eyes and horrid memories flooded her mind.

Why did she have such memories weighing her down all the time? She craved Severus so much, but she knew what it would be like if they were ever to get back together. She still hadn't understood why he had treated her so badly. She had thought they were getting along quite well and even though they fought, they still loved each other. That was before he stopped loving me, thought Tatiana bitterly. Sometimes, she hated to admit it, when she was asleep, she wished his hands would find her body again and she would feel his lips on her. She would wake up and find herself as lonely as she had always felt. She had gone over what he had said to her a thousand times in her head and still, it made no sense. She wished she had ended her relationship with Regulus sooner than she had, but would that have changed anything? She really, truly missed Severus. No one made her feel the way he did. No one could hurt her the way he could either. But no one could love her that way, and the feeling of being wanted so much that someone would kill for you, only Severus could give her.

The train jolted to a halt and her father was shaken awake. They got out of the train and that was the end of it. That was the last he saw of her for a while. Severus got out of the train as fast as he could, to manage some kind of conversation with her. He stood outside and a few compartments away, he saw Tatiana and her father come out of the train. He watched, with sadness, the only girl who ever understood him, the only girl who ever loved him like he loved her, go away without so much as a look towards him. It was as if there was poison making its way down his throat. He had held that long, shiny black hair in his fingers once, and now it was swishing in the sunlight, bright and moving away from him. He loved her so goddamned much, he thought bitterly, trying to breathe, and he would never forget what it had been like when they made love. It was like nothing he had ever known. It was the most beautiful thing he could ever have imagined, but nothing he had imagined came close to what she was like. He choked on the tightness in his throat, watching his love leaving forever. So this is what heartache feels like, he thought, watching her slender frame going away…

Before Severus even knew what he was doing, the tension in his throat had erupted and the poison which had been flowing down his throat was coming out of his eyes. He didn't make a sound, but he couldn't control the emotion pouring from his eyes. He jolted as he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. He hastily wiped his eyes and turned around. It was Lily. She was expressionless, but she hugged him, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of her robes.


	34. Chapter 34

_**Chapter 34**_

They stood at the front door. Tatiana gave the house a filthy look and her father patted her back softly. She couldn't believe she would be back here again.

"Don't do anything," said her father, "just go to your room. I did it up for you."

"Thanks daddy," she said opening the door and walking in.

Her mother was standing at the kitchen door, but Tatiana paid her no attention, just like her father had said. She walked straight up the stairs into her room. She opened the door. Her father had been right, he had done it up. It looked great. It had been repainted and the walls were covered with beautiful white lace. Everything looked so elegant, so beautiful. She threw her bags down and lay down on her bed. It was wonderful and terrible to be home. In a way, at least she wouldn't be getting beaten up by Severus anymore. But she was home. That was always a terrible thought. Her father came in later and made sure she was okay and told her he was going to go back to work for a while. She wondered sometimes why her father worked so hard, because they were rich enough to manage unemployment for a couple of centuries anyway. But her father was a humble man and she had learned from that.

It was beginning to get dark again. She lay down on her bed comfortably to wallow in her thoughts of Severus all over again. She clutched her pillow close to herself and wished it was Severus. But it was over and that was it. She had left it at that. Nothing he could do or say would ever change her mind. But why couldn't he try at least? She punched her pillow bitterly. She would do anything to make him see sense again. Truly, she would give anything just to have him back. But she still couldn't stomach what had happened to her. She should have learned her lesson the first time he hit her. She never should have let herself feel anything for him. Five months ago, or maybe more now, she would have given anything to get this wedding out of the way and never see Severus' face again, but now she would give anything to have the man she had fallen in love with.

A few days later, after Tatiana had been staying away from her mother's meals, she took to harping on about how this was suffering for letting Severus go. Everyday, Tatiana would cook something on her own and she much preferred her own food to her mother's. After a few days when she had had enough, her mother decided to call her down to eat some thing at least. Her mother knocked on the door a little while later and called Tatiana for dinner, but she refused. Her mother took to screaming at her when she refused to come for dinner and Tatiana slammed the door in her face. Lily luckily sent a message to Tatiana inviting her to dinner so she left as soon as she could.

She had a great evening and it was only the two girls who went to a Muggle restaurant to eat and they thoroughly enjoyed themselves, thinking about what Tatiana's mother would say if she ever found out. They talked about James for a while and about the wedding. Lily was really happy and everything was going well. His parents were absolutely okay with him marrying a Muggle born and weren't like Sirius's parents who had flipped when they heard that James was doing this. They even wrote to his parents and told him to make sure he did no such thing. Tatiana knew exactly what it felt like to have a parent like that. Lily reluctantly brought up the topic of Severus, but Tatiana didn't skirt the issue this time. She told lily exactly what she asked. She told her what had happened that day and lily looked very saddened by all the things Severus had said to her.

"I wonder what would cause him to be so, so very mean?" said lily miserably.

"He doesn't love me," said Tatiana, "I wish he did, but he really doesn't love me."

Lily raised her eyebrows in shock and said, "No one knows Severus better than me Tatiana, and I know one thing for sure, he loves you. He loves you more than anything."

"I can't believe that," said Tatiana sharply, "he wouldn't do that to me if he loved me."

"No Tatsi," said Lily assuredly, "he did those things to you because he loves you."

Tatiana blinked a tear out of her eye and said, "the worst part is that it doesn't matter if he loves me or not. I can't take anymore of that Lily, you've got to understand."

"I understand," said Lily, "no one can take what you took."

"You don't know what I'd give, just for him to be the way he was with me earlier," she said sadly, "he always had a temper, but he wasn't a monster."

"I wish he'd come to his senses and come crawling back," said lily exasperatedly.

"Even if he did," said Tatiana shortly, "I'm not taking him back."

Lily smiled, "you know he isn't what he pretends to be. Give him another chance."

"I don't know if I can," said Tatiana.

"If he convinces you even a little, then what?" she asked nervously.

"I don't know Lily," said Tatiana, "I can't get over how much he hurt me."

"It takes time Tatiana," said Lily, "but I'm sure he loves you and he'll come back to you, so don't worry. Just, make him feel really, really bad and he'll see the light."

"How do I make him feel really, really bad?" asked Tatiana cheerlessly.

"Just make sure you rub it in," said lily smirking, "tell him how he shattered your heart, how he doesn't love you and how he should go away because you still love him."

"Still love him?" said a startled Tatiana, "why would I admit that?"

"Because nothing will cut him up more," said lily wisely, "than to realize how much you love him even after all those sick, demented things he did to you Tatiana."

"Does James know he's marrying such a conniving sneak?" said Tatiana amusedly.

"It's a secret," said Lily, "he thinks I'm so wise, he swallows all my crap."

The girls laughed and reminisced about all the wonderful Hogwarts memories they would never have again. It was a great evening, but Tatiana was so confused now.

She went back home to have her mother rage at her again and her father roll his eyes from behind her. She went back to her room after saying goodnight to her father. Lily was right; she did miss Severus so, so much. She would have to plot and plan what to say to him.

Meanwhile, it had been a few days in Malfoy manor and Severus had told Lucius about what had happened and that Tatiana had called off the wedding. He had to listen to a long, long lecture from a very angry Lucius about how not to fuck things up around you. Narcissa was very cut up with Severus too. She couldn't believe he had said such vile, disgusting things to Tatiana. Their anger lasted a whole day and Severus was regretting telling them anything. After that though, they were alright and egged him on to go back to her and put things right once and for all. He was really scared about doing this.

Narcissa told him he wouldn't find a girl like her again. Severus loved her too. It was hard to come across a girl like that, said Narcissa to a reluctantly listening Severus. When Severus decided to ignore what Narcissa told him, she threatened to go there herself and fix this on her own. Severus hastily said he'd come up with a plan. Narcissa, after that had taken to shooting him furtive looks whenever he was in close proximity of her. Lucius had taken another approach to the matter. He had sat Severus down and had a man-to-man conversation with him. He had started out by saying Severus wasn't going to get better sex anywhere else, but this didn't cheer him up so he decided to help him instead. He said he should go over there, armed with a wand in case she got violent, and explain himself. By now, Severus was regretting telling them at all, but he appreciated that they were worried about him. He decided he would have to go back and set this right once and for all.

So the next few days for Severus were spent in his room, staring at the ceiling and plotting ways to charm her back to him. It was going to be hard, but he knew it wasn't impossible. He just wished that a part of her still wanted him back. Why should she though? She has a multitude of guys fawning all over her doesn't she? She has everything. Why does she need a fuck-up like me? All I did anyway was ruin her life. She was right all along. She was better with that Black all along. What is it about her…he wondered how it was so easy for her to keep him coming back to her, no matter what. Now that he looked back on the anger he felt at her when he caught her and Black kissing, he was slightly ashamed. He had every right to be angry, but he never should have said those things to her. But he was too much of a man to do what really felt like doing; crying on her shoulder and wondering why she loved Black more than she loved him. No, he would never do that. But he had really felt like it.

Tatiana looked up at the ceiling too. Little did she know that the man she loved so much was thinking so desperately about her. She wished Severus was there with her. Her heart sank. He's probably with some other girl by now, she thought sorrowfully. She had already called off the wedding so there was no need for him to wait on her anymore now was there? Did he love someone else already? Did he even think of her? Severus, miserably, thought of the very same thing. Did she get together with Black? Are they getting married now? He did want to marry her, so maybe they got together after he heard what happened. Did Tatiana bother to think of him at all? Or had he caused her too much pain…

There was a sinking in his heart. She might have already run off with Black…

Did Severus ever love me, she thought sadly remembering his touch…

If she had run off with Black…he would find her…and bring her back home…

Tatiana wished her pain would just go away and she'd forget what he did to her…

He would find her, bring her back and marry her…

He loved her too much to let her go again…


	35. Chapter 35

_**Chapter 35**_

Almost two weeks had passed…

Tatiana was alone in her room, as usual. Her dad wasn't at home and her mother, that bitch was probably screwing the pots and pans in the kitchen. God it had been hard coming home again and finding her right where she had left her. Her mother had become worse now and Tatiana had stopped talking to her at all. She had stopped eating her food. Her father tried to reason with her but she was too afraid that that woman may just poison her. She would usually just eat out with her friends.

She was sitting on her bed, bored. It was nearly evening now. She had been in this position ever since lunch, which had happened a long time ago. Well, there's nothing to do she thought dismally. Lily had offered to come and spend some time with her or for her to go to Lily's place, but she said no. Tatiana was a little too depressed to go and she knew she would ruin their happy mood, so she respectfully declined, saying that she had a bad cold and an approaching fever. She lay back on the bed, letting her legs hang off it. She hadn't thought about Severus for a while. She had stopped herself from thinking about him. It only made her bitter. The last thing she needed now was more bitterness.

What hurt her most was that it had been over a week since she had been home, and he hadn't even tried to get in touch with her. She waited for a letter, a call…anything, but it was all in vain. She was so bitter now. The worst part about it was that she loved him so much. She loved him with all her heart but no matter what he claimed, it didn't seem like he loved her at all. She didn't cry because it was all such a waste on him. All her emotions had been a waste on him. Despite what lily had said about him really loving her and that he had made a stupid mistake, Tatiana couldn't believe it. She knew that if he loved her, he would have tried to at least get in touch with her.

Severus was pacing the floor of his bedroom. He knew he had to do it now or he would never do it. He wanted her back so desperately that it was painful. He couldn't spend a moment in peace without thinking about her. Lucius tried to cheer him up sometimes by cracking his usual jokes, but Severus could do little more that crack a weak smile. Narcissa would stride into his room and interrogate him about what was going on, but she had stopped making him feel guilty. She resorted to giving him helpful advice, which Severus greatly appreciated because she was a woman and knew how they thought. But most of it was up to Severus and he had a horrible feeling he was going to ruin this just like he had ruined every good thing in his life he had ever had. It took a lot for him to not smack himself whenever he thought of all the things he had said to Tatiana and how they had been so stupid and untrue. He couldn't believe he had actually said she didn't love him…he said he didn't love her…

Tatiana got up and decided to just take a bath, which was something she did whenever she was upset. She went for a hot steaming shower and sat in there, thinking and pondering about how badly this whole escapade had gone. She would forgive Severus in a flash if she could trust that he loved her, but there was no chance of him making the first move. She waited for a while, soaking in the steam and when that got too boring, she came back out into the same, boring old room. Tatiana took off her bathrobe and slipped on a dress. She wasn't going anywhere but it was worth it to look good for nothing. It wasn't as if she was going to impress anyone anyway. She didn't have anyone to look good for now, but she decided to do it anyway. She put on a very sexy, black dress and began to dry her hair.

Severus knew it was now or never. He decided he it was now. He turned on the spot and apparated, leaving his own room behind and finding himself outside Tatiana's house. He decided it would be awkward if her parents knew he was here and me might have to face her mother. He decided to jump in through the window because he couldn't apparate inside the house because of its protective charms. He did this quite easily and found himself in an elaborate living room. Suddenly there was a snap and he hid behind the sofa in time to see Tatiana's mother bustle back into the kitchen. He leapt as fast as he could and found the stairs that he was sure led up to her room. He tried to be as quiet as he could and found himself in front of a door with a sign, "Potential Hazard: Very Attractive Monster Living Inside!" he chuckled and looked at the door. This was it. He heaved a sigh and knocked.

She was just finishing her makeup when she heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" she said disinterestedly, "go away mother, and I don't want you here."

There was another knock. Tatiana started to get angry, "God! Mother, go away."

The door had been unlocked so the handle twisted and it opened. She waited impatiently to see her mother's face, but it wasn't her. It was Severus.

Tatiana looked stunned and Severus said, "You busy?"

She didn't say anything. Her knuckles had gone white holding the mascara.

He looked highly awkward but went on, "what are you doing?"

"What do you want Severus?" she said stonily. He closed the door and locked it.

"I've been trying to write to you," he said, coming closer, "but you don't reply."

"I didn't get any letters, phone calls and or anything," she said smoothly. He wasn't lying. He had written to her twice since he school had gotten out.

"It doesn't matter," he said quickly, "Look Tatiana, we really need to talk –

"Really?" she said incredulously, "that's too bad though. I don't really want to."

"We have to," he said shortly. She turned around and began to put on mascara.

"You can leave the way you came in," she said coldly, layering the makeup.

"Look Tatsi," he said gently and she flinched badly, "we need to talk –

"Don't call me that," she said shaking with anger, "you don't have the right to –

"No," he said softly, "I don't even have the fucking dignity left to call you that."

"You have no right to be here either," she said shaking with anger, "I am not marrying you anymore, so there's no reason we need to be in this room, alone."

"I know," he said softly, "look, just give me a chance to get this out of the way."

She looked away and went at the mascara. He came a little closer but stopped quickly.

"Look Severus," she said layering on the mascara, "I don't care about what you say."

"You don't have to," he said sitting down on her bed, "just listen to me."

"Fine then," she said casually, waging war on her eyelashes, "go on, I'm listening."

"Oh my God, Stop killing your eyelashes!" he said wildly noticing the release of anger on the eyelashes, "Okay, I really missed you a lot Tatiana, and I mean that."

"Missed me enough to realize what you did to me?" she said shaking with rage.

"I knew I hurt you from the moment I did those stupid things," he said desperately.

"But you seemed to be enjoying yourself quite a bit," she said, trying to block the emotion in her voice, "you were having quite a laugh when you hurt me."

"That's not true Tatiana," he said quickly, "I admit it was stupid, but I didn't enjoy –

"Then what was that?" she retorted, "Was it a nice little taster for me to be put in my place? I'm supposed to be put in my place because I'm such a disobedient skank –

"Don't say that," he said calmly, "please just let me prove to you I love you –

She gave a derisive huff and he continued, "look, you know I love you and –

"You know nothing of love," she said dangerously, "so don't lie to my face Severus."

"That's not true Tatiana," he said calmly, "it took me a while to see just how much I love you. I had to lose you to know what it felt like. I'm helpless Tatiana."

"Really?" she said quaking with wrath, "what about when you said you didn't love me? Did you stop to think then? Tell me Severus, how am I to know which one was true?"

"It was the stupidest thing to say, it wasn't true –

"Yes it was," she said in a brittle voice, "I know you meant it."

"No, I didn't," he said desperately, "I'm begging you, just try and be reasonable –

"Reasonable?" she said disbelievingly, "Were you reasonable when you vented your anger at me? Were you reasonable when you accused me of not loving you? Tell me Severus, were you reasonable when you slammed me against that wall and degraded me?"

He couldn't take anymore. He put he hands on his head and said, "I can't take any of that back. But all I can say is I love you more than anything in this world."

"Well too bad," she said frigidly, "because I did love you, and now I don't."

"That's fine," he said trying to ignore it, "but I just want you to understand that I'm sorry for what I did to you, for all those times and I wish I could just make it up to you."

"No you can't," she said shortly.

He took a step closer but she edged away. He hated how she was looking at him, like he was a predator, some kind of monster. But then, he was a monster wasn't he?

"Please, don't run from me," he said as she moved away, "I love you so much."

She looked horrified and said, "I can't believe you! Please go away, I'm begging you."

"But I want to try Tatiana, give me another chance!"

"Have your chances Severus, but I know that you will bury them in the mud like you did with every single one I gave you," she said unsteadily.

"I am ashamed of what I did to you," he said frantically, "I can't even remember –

She looked revolted and said, "You don't remember?"

"I didn't mean it like that –


	36. Chapter 36

_**Chapter 36**_

"Let me refresh your memory a little then," she said in hard, brutal tones where every word cut him deep, "you said that I cheated on you, I never did. You said I didn't love you, I always did. You said you didn't love me, I believe you. There. Remember now?"

"I know I did all those things," he said unhappily, "It was as if I it wasn't me –

She looked uncontrollably angry now and hissed, "It was you! It was the real you that you kept from me. I was the one fooled by you Severus Snape. I was the one who thought you were a wonderful person, but I was wrong wasn't I? I learned my lesson one last time when you brutalized me, again. I hated you then and I hate you now."

"But I love you," he said, "I want to repair what damage I did –

"You can't," she said simply, "you never can Severus. You threw my love back at me."

"I know! It was the stupidest thing anyone could have done. I mean, here people envy me for having a woman like you. You're smart, beautiful and kind, and mostly you're everything I want, and I had to throw you away. I wish I could take it back."

"You can't fix some things Severus," she said, tears shivering down her face, "I loved you more than anything, but it was just never enough for you."

"That's not true," he said reached forward towards her, but she backed off, "you were never less than everything to me. I can't find a reason to justify what I did to you –

She seemed to calm down a little, "why did you hurt me?"

He looked mortified but said, "I don't know. I couldn't put together what was happening to us, and you were so angry with me. I lost control and I didn't know how to get it back. I did the most Severus thing I could; hurt someone I love."

"You didn't just hurt me," she said in a trembling whisper, "you dishonored me."

He didn't know what to say. He hadn't realized how much he had destroyed her. Now he was appalled he had ever touch her like that. How could anyone hurt her? She was everything he had ever wanted. He couldn't believe he had caused her pain like that…

"I don't know how to say that I'm sorry –

"You can never," she said choking on her tears, "mend these wounds."

This wasn't going well he realized looking at the tears running down her face. He hated it when she cried. Even now, he'd give anything to run and wipe them away. But he knew he no longer had any right to do that. She wasn't his to care for. But he had one more thing for her ears, which he had to say…

"Your body Tatiana, it was my temple and I never meant to ruin it –

"You used my body to vent your rage!" she cried.

"But I used it to prove my love too," he said recklessly.

She looked revolted at what he said and gasped, "You made love to me Severus, and contrary to what you might think, it was the most important memory I will ever have. I treasured you and I expected the same from you, you, who used my body, not for love, but for your hate. You broke my body, your temple, and I will not forgive you for it."

"I will do anything to fix you," he said coming closer, "you are right. Your body is my temple, and I shattered it like it wasn't worth a trinket –

"But there are men out there Severus," she said harshly, "who wouldn't treat me like that. They would treasure me and my body, like you have never been able to. Why shouldn't I be with them instead? Why should I wait around for you to break me again?"

He looked horrified. What cut him most was that she was right. All she had to do was give Regulus Black a call and he would drop his girlfriend in the blink of an eye. There were plenty of guys in this world who would be just right for her.

"No one loves you like I do," he said, his voice cracking with the tension in his throat.

She didn't know what to say. So much had happened, but she still wanted to believe he loved her. She still wanted to run right back into his arms. But cruel reality warned her that he had brutalized her like no other ever had. He was a monster…wasn't he?

"Please leave Severus," she said, the mascara shivering along with her hand.

"w-wh-what?" he stammered in horror as she stood there sobbing.

"I still love you," she sighed, "but I am not stupid and I will not come back to you."

He was shocked, "you still love me?"

She nodded, "much more than you'll ever know. But this is over."

"D-don't say that," he said desperately, "please, I will do anything."

"P-please," she said clutching the mascara frantically, "just go, I don't know you –

"I am never going," he said angrily, "I am never, ever going from here."

She backed against the wall and the warm tears mixed in her makeup trickled down her face. She closed her eyes, as if silently willing him to leave and never come back…

"If you think that I'm going to just let you go," he said standing up and coming up to her, "you've got it wrong. I love you too much to make that mistake again."

"Why are you making this so hard…" she said in a broken voice.

"You're the one I love –

"Then why did you break my heart?" she cried wiping her tears away.

"I don't know how," he said pleadingly, "I just never had a relationship like we had you know? I made some stupid mistakes because I didn't know what to do."

"How can you tell me that?" she cried, "How can you give these excuses?"

"They were mistakes Tatiana. I never meant to hurt you –

"They weren't mistakes," she said hysterically, "you hurt me on purpose."

"No Tatiana –

"You destroyed me," she said softly in ringing tones. He stopped talking. "I can't believe you when you say you love me. No one would have done what you did to me."

"Why else do you think no one wants me?"

"What do you mean?" she asked him, bewildered. He came closer.

"I know all your friends felt sad for you when they heard you were marrying me," he said, "and they were right weren't they? I was exactly what their mothers warned them about. I took you for granted, I hurt you and I didn't show you how much I loved you."

She was horrified. She didn't know this conversation was going to turn this way. She had a horrible feeling that he was going to win before long.

"You are everything I need," he said cravingly, "you don't know how painful it is when I don't have you. I never knew that I would ever want something so badly."

She hated that he was doing this to her. She could already feel herself drawn to him. That guilty part of her called forgiveness was reaching out to him like a pathetic magnet. He came close to her. They were barely a foot apart now, Tatiana against the wall as if trying to get away from him and Severus leaving the distance between them as a mark of respect for her personal space. He wanted so badly to reach out and touch her.

"They were all right Tatiana," he said bitterly, "you should have listened to them sooner and run from me. This is what I've always done. I've destroyed the people I would give my life for. I just wish there was some way you could find it in your heart to forgive me."

She didn't say anything. She closed her eyes, still willing him to disappear so that her conscience wouldn't get the better of her. He seemed to take this as her reluctance and forgive him and he said, "But you are a very smart girl Tatiana. I think you are doing the right thing by sending me away. I know that if I'm near you, I'll attack you. Your friends are wise. You are lucky you have friends. Even lily sees me for who I really am. Nothing, I'm nothing."

"But they don't know you Severus –

"They should be glad they don't," he said curtly, "there's no greater gift that they've had than the luck that they've never had to be loved by me."

"Don't say that Severus," she said, shaking with emotion, her chest heaving with every word that crossed his lips. She loved him so uncontrollably right now…

"You had made a huge mistake agreeing to marry me Tatiana, and I wish I could do you justice, but I really can't. Thank god you called it off, because I wouldn't have had the guts to. I don't deserve you and you don't deserve this. You are too good for me."

"No, don't say that," she said tears running down her face, "I love you –

"Then stop loving me," he said simply, "because I don't deserve you Tatiana."

"N-no Severus," she said, the mascara shaking in her hand, threatening to drop any second now, "please, don't do this. I love you too much."

"Stop it!" he said trying hard not to touch her, "I just want to go and leave you –

"D-don-don't," she stuttered, choking on her fear, "I don't want you to go –

"I have to do what's best for you Tatiana, and that is for me to go –

She dropped the mascara shivering in her hand and ran to him and threw her arms around him. He hugged her tightly trying to calm her trembling body. This was what he had dreamed of all those weeks. He had wanted her to love him again.

"Please, I'm sorry," he said running his fingers through her lime-scented hair.

"Oh god Severus," she said scrunching his hair in her fingers, "its okay."

"I really mean it Tatiana," he said rubbing her back, "I love you so, so much."

She pressed her lips to his.


	37. Chapter 37

_**Chapter 37**_

He straightened up and broke away from the kiss to look at her seriously.

"Listen to me okay," he said sternly, "this can never happen again okay?"

"That's for sure," she said, tears still clinging to her eyelashes.

"I'm laying down rules," he said. She rolled her eyes.

"What now?" she said heatedly, "do I have to start calling you master?"

"No, no. But that would be good in bed," He smirked, "I take back those stupid rules, all of them, okay? They made no sense and I shouldn't have done that."

"So what are the new rules?" she asked.

"I promise," he said holding her hand, "that I will never, ever again hurt you again. I won't touch you to hurt you ever again. I swear I'll never disrespect you again."

She nodded, more tears falling from her eyes. He wiped them away with his hand.

"Okay, rule number two, you're boss," he said running a hand through his hair.

"Why?" she said, her wet eyes wide in shock.

"Because you're better than me," he said simply, "and what you say goes."

"That works for me," she said smiling a little, "but on one condition."

"Sure," he said, jumping up in obedience, "anything you want, anything at all."

"You're boss in the bedroom," she said straight facedly. He smirked heavily.

"That really works for me," he said, "so you'll do whatever I say?"

She nodded, "so what's the third rule then?"

"There isn't one," he said looking discomfited, "but you can add one or more."

"Fine," she said wiping her eyes, "you have to love me like this forever."

He couldn't resist. Severus bent down and kissed her, as gently and passionately as he had imagined kissing her all these weeks. It was too painful to live without her, he realized. He decided it was time to do what he had really wanted to do since he fell in love with her. He broke their kiss and went down on both his knees and took her hand. Tatiana gasped.

"It's supposed to be on one knee," she said with a wet smile as he knelt on both.

"Not this time," he said, "I'm on both because I'm begging you. I am begging you to spare me this heartache and marry me. Please."

She bent down and threw her arms around him, "Off course I'll marry you."

"You've saved me a long, painful death," he said kissing her cheek, "wait, wait, before anything else. I have something for you. Close your eyes." She closed her eyes and Severus slipped the ring on her finger. She squealed when she saw it. It was gorgeous. The ring was a slender platinum band, with a cluster of diamonds in the front in the shape of a butterfly.

"Severus," she whispered in a trembling voice, "this is too much…"

"Its nothing," he said sharply, "compared to what you are to me Tatiana, nothing."

"This is perfect," she said looking at the beautiful ring.

"I've missed you so much," he said again, "I had to sneak in here past the witch."

Tatiana looked sickened and said, "She is a right little pain. She hates me more now."

"She still loves me, I'm guessing," He said scathingly, "stupid porky bitch."

She looked a little taken aback but said, "I didn't know you didn't like her either."

"I'm going to kill her if she doesn't watch out," he said coldly.

"She's worse this time though," said Tatiana, "I don't know why she's so pissed off."

"Your dad's divorcing her," said Severus quickly, "Lucius told me he was talking about it at lunch at the ministry. Anyway, good riddance to bad rubbish right?"

Tatiana looked jubilant, "Yeah, she needs to get the hell away from us. But I'm not going to lie, even though she's such a demon, I feel sorry for her."

"Yeah," said Severus, "I don't, but whatever, just forget about it now."

"She doesn't mean much to me," She said, "I guess you're right."

"So am I fully and completely forgiven now?" he asked her doubtfully.

"Yeah," she said grudgingly and he kissed her. He put his arms around her and kissed her softly. Tatiana felt much better now. This was what she wanted. He was what she wanted. Life was so hard with him but it was unbearable without him. He pressed himself gently against her, running his lips lightly over her cheeks, her neck and across her shoulders. She tangled her fingers in his, closing her eyes, sensing his lips brushing gently against her chest.

"My mother's here," she whispered, but he didn't seem to care much. He wrapped his hands around her waist and hoisted her up. He laid her down on the bed and slid on top of her. He stopped for a minute, still lying on her, pointed his wand at the door and it made a strange sound as it locked. He chucked his wand back on the other side of the bed.

"Severus, what about my mother?" she asked through a giggle when he kissed her.

"Fuck her," he said softly, pushing her hair out of her face,

Tatiana gasped and then gave a muted laugh, "Suppose she walks in on us?"

"Good for her then," said Severus casually, "she can watch."

She giggled, "She'd keel over and die."

"Now I hope she walks in on us," he said snickering, "that'll put an end to her."

"Hmm," she said kissing him fervently. He undid her dress and slipped it off her body. It was as if everything he had ever done and said had melted away in one shot. He couldn't comprehend the kind of emotion welling in him as he pressed his lips onto hers, tasting her, the best thing in the world, the thing he didn't deserve but wanted him so desperately. Tatiana watched him throw his clothes off and thanked her stars that everything had worked out between them. She moaned slightly, clutching his shoulders rigidly as he gently slid into her. It was good, after all this time, to feel him again, as close as she always wanted him to be to her. There was a chemistry there she couldn't put into words. He didn't need to call, or say anything at all, for her to feel him as a part of her. They were meant to be, like two words that sounded better when said together rather than on their own or perhaps parts of a system, each dysfunctional without the other.

"Oh god Tatiana, I love you so much," he murmured, regularly pushing and retracting from her almost to the rhythm of her heart, she thought feeling him.

"Severus…" she whispered gently, her chest heaving with every thrust "harder."

He plunged harder into her, covering her mouth with his hand quickly before her mother heard her moaning. He threw the blanket over them, not required because they were sweating, but he did to drown their noise. Her breath was warm against his shoulders, and it was so arousing that it was pushing him over the edge. Tatiana, seeing stars erupting in front of her eyes every few minutes, grasped him tightly gasping loudly as he gave a few hard, final thrusts into her, resulting in him discharging into her.

"Severus," she said breathlessly sitting up a little, "I hope I don't get pregnant."

"Don't worry," he said reassuringly, trying to catch his own breath, "I hoped you'd change your mind if I begged you enough, so I came prepared."

"Thank god," she said relieved, "I'm going to go clean off." She got out of bed and went to the washroom. He waited till she came back, still tousle haired and tired.

"So was that any good?" he asked her. She nodded unable to articulate how good it had actually been. Just like her first time, this time was as fresh and unexplored as it could be. He grinned, pulling her back under the covers with him.

"I believe you," she said, sitting in his lap with his arms around her.

"About what?" he said brushing his lips lightly over her moist, bare shoulders.

"You missed me," she said stroking his muscular thighs.

"I did," he said, caressing her breasts. She leaned her head back on his shoulder.

"I did too," she said, closing her dark eyes, putting her hands over his on her chest.

"Have any idea what time it is?" she murmured with her eyes still firmly shut.

"Should I get going then?" he whispered softly in her ear.

"Don't you dare," she said leading his hands smoothly down her body.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said keeping her locked tightly in his embrace.

"I always end up like this don't I?" she said smirking.

"End up how?" he asked her.

"I get so angry with you, but then you make me fall in love with you all over again, every time. Why is it so easy for you Severus? What is it about you?"

"Nothing," he said, "you just love me too much to let me go. Just like me."

"True," she said softly as he ran his hands soothingly through her hair, "its good to be loved so much isn't it?" He smiled, snuggling his face against her neck.

"No one has ever loved me like you have," he said.

"Me neither" she said vaguely, "I'm not going to deny that the sex is, well –

"So, so, so fucking good," he murmured into her ear making her shiver again.

"Are you going to stay here tonight?" she asked him, "with me?"

"I wish I could Tatiana," he said disappointedly, "but your parents will mind."

"They don't need to know," she said quietly.

"But still, they might get to know –

"Oh alright," she sighed, turning around, wrapping her legs around him and sitting on his lap facing him, "because I was going to make it very, very worth your while."


	38. Chapter 38

_**Chapter 38**_

"I'm staying," he said hastily, "for emotional support off course," he added guiltily.

"Off course," she added gently pulling his neck so he could come closer to her.

"I hope this isn't a dream," he said worriedly, kissing her again.

"Then it is a very, very good dream," she said putting her arms around his neck.

There was a knock on the door. Tatiana stopped dead to listen. There was another knock, much louder this time. Severus threw on his boxers and Tatiana her underwear, helped quickly by Severus who hooked her bra from the back as she jumped into her panties. Tatiana opened the door and it was her mother. She gasped as her daughter opened the door.

"I want to talk to you outside," she hissed at her daughter and then she looked at Severus and her face lit up, "how nice to see you Severus dear."

He didn't say anything. Tatiana got out of the bed in her barely-there lingerie and smirked at Severus, who grinned back at her as she left the room.

"What is it?" she snapped at her mother who was shaking with anger.

"So you're playing with his feelings again? Changed your mind about the wedding?"

"I don't have time for this. Yes, the wedding is back on."

"What do you think you are doing you cheap tart?" she screamed at Tatiana.

"Get a life," she said lazily, "can't you see, I'm a little busy right now."

Tatiana's mother looked flabbergasted, "a little busy?"

"Yes," she repeated a little slowly as if her mother was retarded, "A little…busy."

"You have ruined our family already," she shrieked, "You have seduced that poor, innocent boy and twisted his head too! You have ruined his and our family you wench!"

"Sure, sure," said Tatiana idly, "I know I'm a cheap whore, a worthless tart and what was it? Oh that's right, I am also a twisted wench right?"

"Don't act sassy with me you spoiled brat," screamed her mother, "You know I can ruin you in one smooth move. I will tell him all about your little affair."

"Tell away," said Tatiana amusedly, "let's see what he has to say shall we?"

"You have poisoned this family," she snapped, "with your promiscuous behavior."

"We don't have a family," said Tatiana with a snide laugh, "you made sure of that."

"Don't talk to me like that you misbehaving child," she screeched and Tatiana winced.

Severus had come and stood at the door, also barely dressed. Tatiana's mother hadn't even noticed he was there. She continued to scream at her aloof daughter and her highly amused son-in-law watched from behind, crossing his arms and leaning against the door.

"I can't believe he wants to waste his time on a cheap whore like you," she screamed.

"Believe it or not," said Tatiana, "he really wants to. So get lost."

"Don't talk to me like that," she yelled, "I am your mother."

"I have no mother," she said calmly, "and I think you should get out of here now."

"Why are you ruining poor Severus?" she said angrily, "why are out to destroy our families? What do you have against us? You're destroying our pure-blood heritage."

"Us?" said Tatiana incredulously. "It isn't you who is marrying him, so there's no us."

"You deserve to be thrashed till you bleed," she screamed, flailing her arms.

"I'm sure," said Tatiana sardonically, "and you really need to stop wasting my time."

"Off course," she said wildly, "because you need to go back in there and ruin my boy."

Tatiana laughed, truly amused this time, "you mean your machine right?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" she screamed at her, looking a little mad now.

"You used him," said Tatiana, "I know about the famous letter Margaret, and how you told Lucius to tell him to beat me and do all sorts of things to me. Don't think I'm stupid."

"I don't care about you," she yelled, "I care about my family and how you ruined it."

"Sure," said Tatiana carelessly, "you know what, I'm sorry no one loves you but –

It was all too much for Tatiana's mother now. As soon as she heard those words, she yelped like a wounded animal and raised her hand to smack her but –

"If you touch her," said a lethal voice from behind, "I will break your arms for you."

Her mother gasped. It was Severus and he had her arm in a painful grasp.

"Oh hello dear," said Margaret sweetly, "We were just having a friendly conversation –

Severus said, "Don't bullshit me. Leave my fiancé alone."

"Oh no dear don't get the wrong idea," she said quickly, "its all just games with us –

"Let me get something through to you Margaret," he said dangerously and Tatiana saw the familiar coldness reappear in his eyes, thanking her stars it wasn't meant for her, "I'm not the kind of guy who takes shit from anyone, Other than Tatiana off course, got it?"

"Oh dear," said Margaret in a honeyed tones, "you're such a darling to stand up for her. But you know, she's our responsibility now and we should be working together trying to groom her into a well-respectable pure-blood lady."

He looked like she had shoved a bladder down his throat, "she is not your fucking dog. You have no right, and neither do I, to run her life. God, this is pathetic."

"You have no idea dear," said her mother, trying to keep her tone steady, "how much like a dog she really is. My daughter has shamed me and she needs to be beaten like a dog, and made to obey. If you're marrying her, that's your job."

He let go of Margaret's arm as if he would contract a disease from her, "get something straight woman, when we're married, I don't want to see your face again. You will never step into our house and you will not try and contact me and my wife ever again. As for now, get it in your head that she doesn't belong to you and you should be proud of her, she has more self-respect than your whole stupid family. Stay away from her."

"Well, if you aren't going to help," she said sweetly, "then I'm going to have to handle this brat all on my own, as I've done for seventeen years –

"Oh you don't want to make that mistake," said Severus with a cruel smile, "because you might have to suffer worse than my wrath…"

"She's my daughter –

"I don't think you heard me," he said, "If you ever touch her, I'll know and then…"

Tatiana's mother got the hint and with a whimper she left the corridor. They watched her scurry away like a rodent. Severus moved forward and put his arm around Tatiana.

"Thanks," she said sincerely and Severus looked at her, shocked beyond words.

"Why the hell aren't you like a little shaken up," he said, "she tried to hit you."

"Oh, I am used to it," she said brightly, "This was the first time anyone stopped her."

"She used to hit you?" he said choking on his words, "why didn't you say –

"No one believed me," she said brusquely, "and I grew up learning how to handle it."

"So what did you do if she ever hit you?" he asked her taking her back inside.

"I nearly broke her arm once when she tried to hit me when I was thirteen, so after that she really didn't try. I've been thrashed badly a few times though," she said lazily.

"You should have called the ministry on her," he said, surprised at her indifference.

"No Severus," she said shortly, "I always hoped we could be a happy family."

"But there was no chance," he said, "not with her around anyway."

"Yeah," said Tatiana, "sometimes, when I was really young, she nearly killed me. There were times, when she was angry, that I wondered if she was going to poison me. She said that if I disobeyed her, she would make sure I died in my sleep."

"What?" he said, jumping up shocked. Tatiana was expressionless.

"Yeah, she only stopped hitting me once I could defend my self," she said nonchalantly, "so by the time I was a teenager, she wouldn't think of laying a hand on me."

"What did you do to her?" he asked her in sudden awe and respect.

"Oh, she tried to hit once when I was fourteen and I nearly broke her hand," she said.

"Then why didn't you do anything to me when I hit you?" he asked incredulously.

"I didn't want to ruin things before they started," she said, sighing, "I knew how to handle you before I even knew you Severus. Just remember, you didn't scare me for a day."

"Yeah, I sensed that," he said darkly, "but you scared the living daylights out of me."

"Really?" she asked him through an amused, but slightly wry smile.

"Yes," he said seriously, "I've never known anyone so unpredictable before."

"I'm not really that unpredictable though," she said thoughtfully, "I mean, I don't react like everyone else, but I do things a certain way don't I?"

"Yeah, but still," he said, "That doesn't mean that your reactions don't scare me."

"Well, I can't help it," she said abruptly, "that's the way I am."

"You're perfect," he said softly. She smiled.

"I wish," she said desolately, "I was. Then I could give you exactly what you want."

"You do," he said honestly, "are you going to give me what I want tonight?"

She ran her fingers through his hair, "that depends on how you ask."

He kissed her deeply and said, "Would it help if I begged?"

"I'm not the boss in the bedroom is it?" she said.

"Yeah, I forgot," he said smirking, "that means, what I say goes right?"

"Hmm," she whispered softly in his ear, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, "Please be gentle Severus."


End file.
